I still haven’t seen Ted, but I bet this musical remix is way better. [via HYST]

MORNING LINKS
Your Official FilmDrunk 2013 Oscars Drinking Game |Film Drunk|

Frotcast 140: Conspiracies and Sports Movies with Jason Dove |Frotcast|

Does this dog resemble Steve Buscemi or not? [via Videogumblr]

Watch Vince and five other comedians fight to the death in the Hour of Power Hour, or perhaps they’re just doing stand-up. |Events|

Donald Trump Tweeting Lil Wayne Lyrics Is The Vortex Of Suck |UPROXX|

Nielsen Joins 21st Century, Finally Expands The Definition Of ‘Television’ |Warming Glow|

Johnny Manziel Has Finally Been Sealed In His Own Fortress Of Solitude |With Leather|

Blind People Given Bionic Eyes Can See Again |Gamma Squad|

Let’s Run ‘NBA Superstars’ Back Because It’s Incredible |Smoking Section|

This Week In F–k You: Winter |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Bare backs so beautiful I can barely bear it |theChive|

The Oscar Best Picture Nominees As Pie Charts |Vulture|

Anne Hathaway Can’t Be This Stupid |The Superficial|

SXSW Comedy Line-Up Announced! |HuffPost Comedy|

Bill Burr Explains Why Yoko Ono Sucks |Holy Taco|

6 Non-Existent People Who Were Nominated for Oscars |Mental Floss|

Kanye Won’t Let Kim Sign Autographs |IDLYITW|

What You’re Saying With Your Underwear |College Humor|

15 Most Boobalicious Movie Posters |NextMovie|

Dream Casting: Ten Television Actors I Wouldn’t Mind Seeing Swapped In or Out |Pajiba|

Daniel’s Bar Mitzvah Save The Date Rap Video (Oh Boy) |Videogum|

Girl Sings the “Unsingable” Song from The Fifth Element |Unreality|

Will ‘X-Men: Days Of Future Past’ Suck? |Screen Junkies|

Is This the Greatest Ping Pong Shot Ever? |Brobible|

The Human Test |Clip Nation|

I Can’t Believe These Are All TV Shows |High Definite|

Top 5 / Bottom 5: Oscar Hosts |Film.com|

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The Oscars telecast begins at 5:30 Pacific Time this Sunday, February 24th, on ABC, with Seth MacFarlane as host, taking over for the incomparable Billy Crystal. The nominees are here and the link to our live discussion is here. Join us to unlock our special badges.

Now look, people, I’m not going to pretend that watching the Oscars is your constitutional duty, or even that it’s particularly worthwhile. There’s no real way to even justify its existence, let alone its de facto status as the most important night in the entertainment industry. It’s just a way to distract ourselves for a few hours from the fact that we’re all going to die someday. And if that doesn’t seem like a great reason to watch, hey, at least it’s not the Grammys. I’m not saying it’s going to be great entertainment, or even that it’s in the top five best things to watch that night. But if you are going to watch, you might as well be drinking for sport. You think the people in the audience are going to be stone sober to watch Seth MacFarlane dance around doing big band numbers and silly voices? Hell no. That’s a fate I wouldn’t wish on Ted Nugent.

So here they are, the rules to FilmDrunk’s Official 2013 Oscars Drinking Game. And remember, FilmDrunk does not in any way condone drinking, gambling, games, websites, the Oscars, awards shows, movies, or the internet.

Read the rest of this entry »

Why are all the extras pooping in their pants?

We’re getting closer to Christmas, and Hollywood has something for everyone to stuff in their stocking this week, assuming everyone wants The Bourne Legacy, Ted, or Ice Age: Continental Drift. If those titles don’t get you excited, there are plenty of other options that didn’t get the theatrical releases those films did.  We’ve got flicks with Jesse Eisenberg and James Van Der Beek.  We’ve got films about child sex-slaves and shaving and puppeteers.  There’s bigfoots and zombies and hipsters and hobbits.  There’s even a film so FilmDrunk-approved, its theatrical run was literally presented by FilmDrunk.

The DVDs:
The Bourne Legacy
Ted
Ice Age: Continental Drift
Why Stop Now
Backwards
Miami Connection
Trade Of Innocents
Mansome
Rehearsal For A Sicilian Tragedy
Dreams Of A Life
Insane Clown Posse & Twiztid’s American Psycho Tour Documentary
Night Claws
The Life Zone
Upon A Midnight Clear
Nesting
Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same
Age Of The Hobbits
Osombie
Creep Van
Halloween Party

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

Can’t remember which flick has FilmDrunk’s coveted blessing?  Continue reading to find out.  Want to find out if the film about child sex-slaves and the film about puppeteers is the same film?  Continue reading. Want to know which films I fairly arbitrarily suggest you watch on Netflix?  Click the streaming link above, but be aware: one of this week’s DVDs is targeted at Juggalos, and you won’t know which one it is unless you continue reading without skipping right to the last page. Read the rest of this entry »

Sorry Katy, but we don't forgive you for Russell Brand.

On Friday, I begged America to take a step in the right direction toward financial responsibility, and for the most part people listened. Katy Perry: Part of Me opened to a colossal fart noise, earning just $10 million. Overall, the film’s per screen average of $2,619 ranks it behind the previous concert “movies” released by Justin Bieber, the Jonas Brothers, and Miley Cyrus’ Hannah Montana fingerblast, but since people generally don’t like concert movies at all, Ol’ Whip Cream boobs and her people can spin this poor opening into saying that she already has the 8th highest grossing music documentary of all-time. So good for her, I guess.

Aside from that, The Amazing Spider-Man was the big winner, grossing more than half of its $230 budget since opening on the 4th of July, and Seth MacFarlane’s Ted is the summer’s biggest surprise steamroller. That’s gotta be good enough for a Ted sequel and maybe even a spin-off TV show. But is America ready for a show about an obnoxious slacker with a talking pet? That’s a pretty big risk.

Check out the rest of the Box Office Top 10 after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

In what is perhaps the most important news of the millennium, it seems people who like to f*ck teddy bears would also like to f*ck the teddy bear in Ted, the $50-million-grossing film from Seth MacFarlane. “Plushies” are people who get off on stuffed animals – similar, but distinct from “Furries,” people who get off on dressing like stuffed animals – and they want to make Ted their mascot. Why not just move to San Francisco? When I want to meet a gay bear named Ted, I just walk three blocks.

“Ted” creator Seth MacFarlane has already been contacted by a XXX website that’s popular with Plushies, Clips4Sale.com, in the hopes they can acquire the rights to use Ted’s image and make him the site’s new mascot.
The site fired off a letter to Seth saying, “Not since Alf has there been this kind of excitement over a stuffed animal.”
The letter continues, “We are very serious and would like to engage in talks with you at your earliest convenience.” [TMZ]

That has to be weird for Seth MacFarlane. I wonder if other creators have to deal with this kind of thing. Were niche fetishes like this even around before the internet? Like, do you think anyone ever called up the Wright brothers and was like, “Hey, man, so we really like your plane, we’re huge fans of it. And… we were just wondering… can we f*ck it?”