Hot off the release of their “Being Green” teaser (a sort of fictional faux rom-com), the marketing team for The Muppets has just released a new teaser, focusing more on the actual muppets.  This one’s called “The Fuzzy Pack,” presumably a play on The Hangover‘s “Wolf Pack” campaign.  Once again, the producers have done a brilliant job combining things that I love, in this case, namely, muppets and Danny Trejo. Chingón, guey, it must be my lucky day. Although this role might be a stretch for Trejo.  He’s a solid actor, I’m just not sure he has the versatility to pull off “convict.”

“Mira, Frog, ju theenk you’re the only one who’s had a feest up hees culo? Welcome to prison ése.”

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Lionsgate just released the new trailer for the Conan the Barbarian remake, starring Baywatch Hawaii wunderkind Jason Momoa and Ron I’m-in-every-genre-movie Perlman. Additional gossip fact for the ladies: Momoa has two children with former Cosby Show actress Lisa Bonet, the youngest named “Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa.”  GRRR, VOWELS! Not to mention the rare first-name hyphen.  Looks like you just got served, last-name hyphenated people. Your hippie parents must be so embarrassed.

Conan opens August 19th, and it was directed by Marcus Nispel, of Pathfinder and Friday the 13th remake fame, so it’ll probably be really good (*armpit fart to indicate sarcasm*).  Incidentally, Marcus Nispel looks like this:

…and Jason Momoa looks like this:

…so I imagine a lot of their conversations began with “Whoa, bro.”

Anyway, I know I’ve been calling him “Conan the Samoan” because it rhymes (he’s actually half Hawaiian), but the truth is, I couldn’t care less whether Conan is played by a white dude (or is played by anyone at all, for that matter).  The incredibly complex plot is that of a man who walks around the desert whacking people with his giant sword, which is clearly a Freudian stand-in for his dong (isn’t everything?).  So I guess the bigger question is: shouldn’t it be a black guy? I say yes. But what do I know? I’m just a guy who would enjoy watching a black guy whack people with his dong.

Bill the masochist found having his testicles stomped immensely arousing, but even he drew the line at watching Little Fockers.

While Kevin Smith likely spent that holidays getting kicked off of planes and drowning his sorrows in gravy, the trailer for his new film Red State hit the web. It stars Kevin Pollak and John Goodman, and the plan is to auction off the rights at Sundance next month.

Red State begins by following three horny high-school boys who come across an online ad from an older woman looking for a gang bang. Boys being boys, they hit the road to satisfy their libidinal urges. But what begins as a fantasy takes a dark turn as they come face-to-face with a terrifying “holy” force with a fatal agenda.

Sure, boys will be boys.  I’ll never forget back in high school when my friends and I traveled cross country to gangbang an old lady we found on Craigslist.  And that was the first time I met your mom.

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"Why Grandma, what a bulgy codpiece you have!"

Tomorrow, Entertainment Tonight will have a full set visit with DC’s Green Lantern movie starring Ryan Reynolds, directed by Martin Campbell.  In the meantime, they made a short teaser for the segment featuring some of the first footage from the film.  Perhaps knowing that Entertainment Tonight viewers and fanboys desperate for the latest Green Lantern footage is a Venn diagram that looks like two separate circles, Ryan Reynolds takes his clothes off a lot.  Not that I’m complaining.  I honestly think it’s gayer NOT to want to see Ryan Reynolds with his shirt off.

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The Human Centipede: The Final Sequence, which director Tom Six has promised will have FOUR TIMES THE A 2 M, now has a teaser.  Feeling the pressure to ratchet-up the grossness of the original, the Dutch-born Six has taken a novel-yet-successful approach:  hiring a weird British guy with a stuffed-up nose (soft pallet injury, maybe?) to do the voice over, and making the teaser just two minutes of Six awkwardly staring into the camera with his weird pale overgrown baby face.  Sample narration:

“I even get death threats on Facebook about it.  The sickest bastard is doctor Heiter, they’re saying.  But too many people… just think… it’s like My Little Pony.  So now… prepare for part two, which really will be the sickest movie of all time.”

I don’t follow that logic train at all, but perhaps I was just too distracted by the revolting voice/icky face combo.  This made me nearly as nauseous as the first time I saw Cam Gigandet’s dead-eyed gremlin face.  …So, uh… well done?

You do NOT want to see his horse.

[via IFC]