With Battleship set to open on May 18, it would seem that Universal is full steam ahead (*tugboat horn*) with the threat of producing a series of films based on Hasbro games. However, as we learned last year, the threat is dying. First, Universal killed Clue in the board room with the red pen, and then the studio gently pushed its McG-helmed Ouija Board movie into the dumpster.

Now, as if the gods have heard our cries for salvation, Universal has also dropped its Stretch Armstrong movie that was not only going to be in 3D, but would have starred Taylor Lautner. That’s right, it was the perfect storm of elastic crap.

So why the toe tag, Universal?

The Tay-Tay camp is claiming “it was our choice” to pull out of the film, but in fact a project insider told Deadline months ago right after Lautner’s Lionsgate film Abduction bombed that the studio was rethinking the project with Lautner as star but that Hasbro would make the final decision on the status of the project. Looks like that has happened. (Via Deadline)

First of all, Tay-Tay? That’s just asinine. No grown adult covering any topic should ever refer to someone as Tay-Tay unless it’s a panda baby.

As for the film, we can’t get too excited. Relativity Media is cleaning up Universal’s sloppy seconds by teaming with Hasbro to get this movie done. The good thing is that it won’t star Lautner and maybe Universal has learned a very important lesson here.

Battleship is rumored to have cost Universal $200 million to produce, and if that’s true, the producers of Water World must be celebrating right now. There should be no way in hell that a film starring Liam Neeson and Rihanna could make that kind of money back, but stranger things have happened. Either way, this is a nice moral victory.

Let’s all enjoy it for now, until Boo Boo Stewart is cast as the lead in Slinky.

Suddenly, Cage had the distraction he needed to steal the Mona Lisa.

In news so creepy you should actually expect it to involve Nicolas Cage, the star of the upcoming films Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and The Frozen Ground visited Paris, France over the weekend as he was honored by the Musée Grévin with his very own wax statue. The tribute to Cage is dressed rather modestly in a blue button down and jeans, which is surprising because when a guy owns random dinosaur skulls, names his kid Kal-El and plans to be buried in a giant pyramid tomb, you’d think they might at least give his statue a sweet bolo tie.

While we love Cage and think it’s great to see him honored, I can’t help but think that maybe his wax statue is a bit… unflattering. In fact, it looks a little like Christopher Walken. I’m just saying the point of a tribute like this should be to honor the man at his peak of fame, and not his peak of Botox billing. Taylor Lautner’s also getting a wax statue from Musée Grévin soon. Will they make his look like a creepy great uncle? It’s only fair.

Meanwhile, in super awesome (and typical) Cage news, the actor wants to make a sequel to his classic Wicker Man. Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “How the hell can he star in a sequel to Wicker Man, and will his co-star be his wax statue?” The answers are simple – he’ll play a ghost and probably.

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Over the past few days, a fake People Magazine cover featuring Taylor Lautner “Out & Proud” spread across the internet like some kind of non-domesticated conflagration. It was obviously fake, but it’s easy to see why it still spread, since calling people “gay” on the internet is every 13-year-old’s favorite thing (just ahead of “fake” and “first”). But Russell Simmons is 54, he can’t be expected to be up on all the latest cyber jargon.

Producer Russell Simmons was fooled by the the fake, tweeting, “proud of Taylor Lautner for his bravery and his courage.”

At which point, naturally and deservedly, the Twittersphere became a collective Nelson Muntz, pointing and laughing derisively. It’s okay, Russell, everyone gets duped from time to time. Time to respond gracefully, self-deprecatingly…

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Last year, when I asked Vince if I could rank the year’s worst movies, it seemed like a harmless enough idea. Now, though, I realize how terrible it was, because I have to watch these horrible movies. Here’s a fun fact: 2011 HAD SO MANY F*CKING TERRIBLE MOVIES. And now that SOPA is about to kick in and limit my ability to criticize these awful films and the dipsh*ts who make them, lest I end up in military prison for life, I figured that this year’s list needed to be more concise than last year’s effort.

For starters, I added some new superlatives because it’s simply not fair to other terrible movies that Adam Sandler and Happy Madison crapped out 4 movies this year. I have to be impartial when I’m putting together a list of the worst movies and that’s just not possible when Bucky Larson is such a phenomenally awful movie. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Without further ado, I give you the Worst Movies of 2011. Please share this with as many people as possible so we can put an end to the misery.

Just kidding, that won’t happen. After all, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg will be releasing The Biggest Movie of All-Time 3D next year. We’re doomed.

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Chances are if you live in a major city, you’ve noticed small groups of young girls and desperate middle-aged women gathering near your local cineplex, and yes, your worst nightmares have come true – another Twilight movie is upon us. Twihards have been lining up at theaters as early as this past weekend so they wouldn’t miss the Thursday debut of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. That’s right, it’s a vampire love story so true that they broke it in two.

Last night, the saga’s stars showed up at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles for the film’s premiere, and the fans were in full force there as well. In fact, here’s a sampling of actual quotes from the women – and men – of all ages who traveled from all over the country to wave insane-looking signs in the air at last night’s event:

“Rob turn this way, I’m throwing kisses at you.”

“I am literally going to die when Kristen Stewart walks by here.”

“Put your camera on me. I want to show my parents I am not at school this week.”

And my favorite:

“Oh my God, there is Robert Pattinson. Oh wait. Nope it is not him. It’s only Cody Simpson.”

But words can do no justice to the Twihardery that went down last night in L.A., so after the jump I’ve got the stars, the celebrity guests (including the Ghosts of Teen Stardom Past) and the fans. Oh my Lord, wait til you see the fans.

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