I scoured the internet and manhandled my sources, searching for the most important story of the day, and one rose to the top above all others: a mail carrier named “Reeves” was attacked by a lemur named “Keanu.” (*picks up phone, dials Oliver Stone*)
HOUSTON COUNTY, TX (KTRE) – A Grapeland woman is recovering from an injury she received from the teeth of a lemur while she was delivering mail on her rural route Tuesday.
Marla Reeves said she was delivering mail in the mailbox at 4:38 p.m. on County Road 2345 when the lemur jumped into her vehicle, bit her hand and arm and then jumped out.
“I was fixing to pull away and when I looked back to pull away that’s when I felt the pain in my hand,” Reeves said. “I looked at my hand and the lemur was on my hand and I lifted up my arm like this and blood was running down my arm.”
“I seent the blood, an I was fixin’ to take my shirt back to the manufacturer, but then I reckons was probably the dad gum lemur that just done bit me.”
The lemur belonged to a resident in the area, who managed to chase it into her shed, according to Sheriff Darrell Bobbitt. Bobbitt said the lemur is in quarantine for 30 days to be sure it does not have rabies. He said there is a request in to the county attorney’s office to determine if anymore legal action can be taken.
You name your kid “Darrell Bobbitt,” it pretty much guarantees he’s going to grow up to become a small-town Sheriff who specializes in chasing animals into sheds.