Clear the way, folks, I’ve got important news to report, and that news is that TOMMY AND THE COOL MULE is now available to watch instantly.

(*talking into stapler*) JANET! CLEAR MY SCHEDULE! (*shoves cats off conference table*)

I first brought you news of this project back in 2009, and let me tell you, This. Project. Has. Everything.  First off, I don’t want to bury the lede here:  ICE-T STARS AS THE VOICE OF A TALKING MULE.  If you’re still reading this and haven’t already clicked through to see the trailer, I’m not sure we can be friends.

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Remember that Japanese commercial starring Quentin Tarantino from the other day?  It didn’t have subtitles so we had to guess what they were saying.  This isn’t the same commercial and this one doesn’t have Tarantino in it, but it’s from the same Softbank campaign with the black guy and the talking dog.  This one does have subtitles, but you’ll be happy to know that they don’t make it any less weird.

The black guy asks a Japanese girl to marry him.  She says no.  Next scene is him crying in his food at a cafe with a different Japanese girl and the dog.  The dog, to whom this girl refers as “Dad”,  tells the black guy to stop crying and be a man.  Then the dog yells at the cook, demanding steak.  Aaaand scene.  It’s funny because we can all relate to having that embarrassing father, always demanding steak and giving advice with no regard for your black friends’ feelings and being a talking dog.  I’ve heard the guy from the f-ck pillow commercials is much nicer.

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You really can’t go wrong when you put Quentin Tarantino in a Japanese commercial.  I don’t know exactly what’s going on here, but the language barrier is simply delicious.  From what I can gather, Quentin shows up at a lady’s house with his talking dog.  Only the talking dog doesn’t like the lady’s plastic dog — who I believe is the mascot of the company the commercial’s for.  Then Quentin shouts “Samurai spiritu!” and does an elaborate pantomime, presumably about how his dog is going to kill their dog with a sword, which is how dogs traditionally settle disputes in Japan, where many have fled to avoid becoming dinner in Korea.  Then the plastic dog gets a phone call from Quentin’s wife and puts it on speaker phone, and she tells Quentin she knows he’s been hanging out with Asian chicks again, and he better get his sorry ass home.  So he runs out the door, and his talking dog makes a glib comment about how he’s pussy whipped.

That’s how I interpreted it anyway.  God I love Japan.

[japanator via CurrrentMovies]