I know this is fast becoming a very lazy and video-heavy day for yours truly, but I would be remiss if I didn’t post this awesome mashup of Over the Top (which went live over the weekend at GorillaMask).  The editor did a fantastic job, but let’s face it, it’s not that hard to make Sly look like a pedophile. Coincidentally, “Molester Stallone” was Frank Stallone’s nickname in high school.  Not the high school he went to, the one he hung out at.

Guess what’s getting a reboot?  Judge Dredd.  Sadly, they probably won’t cast Stallone again.  But fret not, because I’m including below the awesomest 80s pictures of Sylvester Stallone. [AICN]

Screenjunkies counts down the 15 weirdest Jeff Goldblum moments.  I’d like to see Jeff Goldblum vs. Crispin Glover Thunderdome.  Weapon of choice?  Mind lasers.  [Screenjunkies]

Naomi Watts is 40?! Holy hell.  Oh well, here’s to you, you epic Hollywood cougar you.  This boner’s a newborn. [HolyTaco]

Jack Ryan is also back.  The Tom Clancy hero previously played by Harrison Ford and Ben Affleck will be back… and if recent trends are any indication, probably played by Shia Labeouf.  New nickname: Jackie Four Fingers.  [Hollywood Reporter]

Fox is developing a “werewolf dramedy” about “a quartet of female friends in NY who are werewolves.”  It’s called Bitches.  I swear to Michael J. Fox I did not make any of that up. Clearly they stole the idea from the “Gee, honey, wax much?” scene in Sex in the City. [THR]

New Inglourious Basterds set photos include faux old French movie posters. Awesome, looks just like a yuppie’s apartment.  Where’s the one with the monkey drinking wine?  The Martini & Rossi lady in the white dress?  OMG, you have those?  You’re so artsy! [/Film]

First poster for Will Ferrell’s Land of the Lost is… uninspired.  This is the poster equivalent of a courtesy handjob that keeps asking you if it has to keep going. [Cinematical]

Atom’s Holiday Gift Guide.  Might I suggest the David Hasselhoff gift card?  I can’t believe that’s real.  Wait, no, yes I can. [Atom]

Sylvester Stallone called Harry from AICN this morning to report some new details about the already awesome-sounding The Expendables:

[Former] UFC Heavyweight Champion Randy Couture has been added to the movie’s cast, joining the already announced Jason Statham, Jet Li, and Dolph Lundgren.  Forrest [sic] Whittaker has also been cast in the film, which rolls this March in Brazil. Oh, and look for Jet Li to fight Dolph Lundgren.

Jesus Christ.  I might have to lift weights before I go see this movie. Naturally, I asked The Stath what he thought of his new co-star.

Oi, cunts, da Staf’ ‘eah.  Oi: so dey fink dis cunt’s some koinda foighta, now does dey?  Roight – punchin cunts is one fing, but da fit birds ain’ even gonna notice if ‘e ain’ got a propa sazz wagon or a BMX boicycle.  Aldough Oy must admit, Oy do loike da cunt’s shoiny fock’n sazz belt.  Oy should definitely get one a dose. Only problem wif belts is dat da birds is usually troiyin ta get moy trousahs down, not ‘old ‘em up, now doesn’ dey?

Given that Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables is already set to star Sly, Jet Li, and Jason Fock’n Statham, you might rightly wonder how it could possibly get more awesome.  Well bend over, Abigail May, because the cast may include DOLPH LUNDGREN.  Said Stallone at the Transporter 3 premiere:

INTERVIEWER: The Expendables, are you looking forward to that?
STALLONE: I’m so looking forward to that.  I think we’re getting close to putting Dolph Lundgren in it – it’ll be like a homecoming of tough guys.

And you know what happens at tough guy homecoming, right?  They get lit on punch, run a train on the homecoming queen, and murder an entire platoon of enemy brown people – ONE BY ONE, with knives and piano wire and punches to the face.  And then they blow up the whole goddamn school, just to show that weaselly poindexter of a principal that wars ain’t won with classrooms, or books, or wearing shirts. They’re won by MEN with GUNS, and KARATE!

*throws a baby into traffic, dives off overpass, speeds away on roof of passing semi*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..

[via CHUD]

I will use any excuse to post these pictures

Tucked into a boring THR article about Lionsgate is confirmation of what many of use (especially Asians) had long feared:

On the development horizon are “Warrior,” which Gavin O’Connor co-wrote and will direct; “Conan,” a fast-tracked project with multiple scripts in the works; “Severance Package,” with Brett Simon writing and directing; “Rambo V,” to be written and directed by Sylvester Stallone; “Korean Wedding” from writer Jason Filardi; and “Kane & Lynch,” a video game adaptation that will star Bruce Willis.

Regarding “Rambo V,” we’ve already heard lots of rumors about it and now it looks like things are moving forward. One of the rumors is that Stallone will use an alternate script he wrote for “Rambo IV,” which involves Rambo’s daughter being kidnapped by cult leaders. [Worst Previews]

Keep in mind, Lionsgate is also responsible for the Saw franchise and Disaster Movie. And that Warriors is “a drama set within a family of mixed martial arts fighters.”

But it’s easy to see what the conflict will be in the next Rambo. “When you’re pushed, killin’s as easy as breathin’… *cough, cough* F-ck, I’m out of breath. Jesus, how many stairs does this place have? Hoo boy, can a fella get an oxygen tank over here?”