Welcome back, Drunkards and Drunkettes, to another installment of Florida Friday, where we fill you in on one of the nuttiest and therefore most typical stories of the week out of the Sunshine State. Can anyone in Florida top last week’s story about Katina Collins randomly kicking guys in the balls? Well, one Ft. Lauderdale man certainly gave it a shot.

A Fort Lauderdale man named Johnnie Blade is accused of “wildly swinging” a multiple-edged, four-foot long sword used by Klingon characters on the Star Trek TV series as he stood in the middle of a residential intersection. (Via the Sun-Sentinel)

Okay, in fairness, if the guy’s name is actually Johnnie Blade, I’m going to be upset if he doesn’t have a sword.

Blade, 33, was at the 2900 block of Northwest 4th Street in Broward County near Fort Lauderdale about 9:10 p.m. Tuesday, “proudly displaying” the crescent shaped weapon to passing motorists, a Broward Sheriff’s arrest report states.

Have any of you been to Florida lately? There are people on every street corner in every city spinning signs for apartments, restaurants and pawn shops. Hell, a guy proudly displaying his Klingon sword is a nice change of pace.

“This sword…is known to loyal Star Trek fans as traditional Klingon “Bat ‘leth” or “Sword of Honor,” according to the BSO report.

And I’m guessing that he was also in possession of Bat ‘hsalts, eh fellas?

Actually, he had less than 20 grams of marijuana in his possession and it seems that he was just very drunk. I assume that’s why the judge ordered him to stay away from swords and alcohol after he posted bail. Too bad he didn’t say anything about heroin and flamethrowers, am I right, Spock?

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The trailer for Oneechanbara Vortex, a Japanese film about a girl in a bikini who kills zombies with a samurai sword, isn’t in English and doesn’t have subtitles, but somehow I don’t think we’re missing much.  I love how straightforward the Japanese are about this stuff.  I can only imagine the focus group discussions over there – “Look, lady, I’m a regular guy.  I like my steaks medium, my potatoes mashed, my beer cold, and my sex violent, underage, and cartoonish, okay?  We don’t have to reinvent the wheel here.”

[Twitch]

An Indianapolis woman was killed when she tried break up a swordfight between her grandson and brother in law.  Police say sword-related violence is on the rise after a 100-year decline.

Chris Rondeau, 39 and Adolf Stegbauer, 69, got into an argument at a home at about 1 a.m. that escalated when one of the men grabbed a sword, prompting the other man to also brandish a sword.

Say what you will, at least they both brought the correct weapon to the correct type of fight.

Franziska Stegbauer, 77, died as a result of stab wounds, Indianapolis police Sgt. Matt Mount said.  Investigators are trying to determine which man stabbed the woman, but Rondeau was already being held on an attempted murder charge because of wounds that Adolf Stegbauer suffered.

“We’re unsure yet who started this fight, how the swordplay got involved,” said Indianapolis police Sgt. Matt Mount. “We’re not sure who it was who stabbed the woman. We’ll have to do some testing on the swords and figure out who had which sword, whose blood is on which sword.” [IndyChannel]

No word on whether the late Ms. Stegbauer also “lived by the sword,” which would’ve made her death seem seem so much less senseless.

Friday free for all is the time of the week when “film-related” goes out the window in favor of “crazy shit you need to watch right now.”  Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com, and no, ninja guy, I haven’t forgotten about you.

I try not to throw around terms like “best ever” too cavalierly because I used to drive a Chevy Cavalier and that thing sucked. Seriously though, this f-cking video has everything. Here’s the play-by-play:

Knight wearing guyliner rides horse through stream
He meets a medieval lady
He valiantly defends her from some sparks
And then the sword-wielding vampire ladies come
Don’t point that thing at me, bitch is you crazy?
Bad guy split screen! Hooded guy in a mask on fire! Two sword ladies!
Wild horses wildly running
Good guy split screen!
And then the snow angels show up. They’ve got candles. For the lovers to drip crotch wax, you see.
Snowy mountains
Matching robes!

You get the picture. And that was only the first 1:20 or so. From there we get pirates, a ship exploding, a ghost romance, more explosions, a gang of pterodactyls, a crocodile… hold on. Yep, I just came.

[via Videogum]