(“LOCK UP ZEE NURSERY, ZEESS SEX MACHINE EES FREE!”)

Just to recap, Roman Polanski was arrested in September of last year on 30-year old rape charges.  He wasn’t wanted in Switzerland, but Swiss authorities arrested him on behalf of the US, presumably in order to extradite him.  After nine months, the Swiss have decided to release him.  Meanwhile, all the victim ever said she wanted was for the case to be resolved as quickly as possible.  So it’s a good thing the Swiss spent nine months getting this case back in the headlines in order to RESOLVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL.

BERN, Switzerland – The Swiss government declared renowned film director Roman Polanski a free man on Monday after rejecting a U.S. request to extradite him on a charge of having sex in 1977 with a 13-year-old girl. [Unconsentual, I think being the key word here.  Get your sh*t together, AP.]

The Swiss mostly blamed U.S. authorities for failing to provide confidential testimony about Polanski’s sentencing procedure in 1977-1978.

The Swiss government said it had sought confidential testimony given on Jan. 26 by Roger Gunson, the Los Angeles attorney in charge of the original prosecution against Polanski. Washington rejected the request.

The issue in the case was that 30 years ago, the judge sentenced Polanski to a 90-day psych evaluation that Polanski’s lawyers said was essentially a plea bargain.  But then when Polanski had completed it (released after 42 days, anyway…), the judge bowed to public pressure and sought to sentence Polanski to prison time, at which point Polanski fled.

Based on references to Gunson’s testimony in U.S. courts, the Swiss said it “should prove” that Polanski served his sentence after undergoing 42 days of diagnostic study.

“If this were the case, Roman Polanski would actually have already served his sentence and therefore both the proceedings on which the U.S. extradition request is founded and the request itself would have no foundation,” the ministry said. [AP]

Seems like they could’ve figured this out before they arrested Roman Polanski, considering, you know THEY HAD THIRTY F*CKING YEARS.  Every single person involved with this case deserves to be ass raped, and not by some three-foot-tall Frenchman.  Said Polanski’s lawyer, “We’re glad for this ordeal to be over.  Let’s not forget, my client had to spend six months locked up in a Swiss chalet.  A chalet!  Oh God, it’s too terrible!” and then burst into tears.

(“WHICH PILL MAKES HER SLEEPY?”)

Officials in the Roman Polanski case say they won’t have a decision on whether to extradite him to the U.S. until next year.  I’d like five weeks paid vacation as much as the next guy, but Jesus Christ, how long can you drag this out for?

He was arrested in Zurich three months ago — but it remains unclear exactly when the extradition process will  begin.

“There will be nothing more this year. At the earliest, we’ll make an announcement early next year as to whether the criteria for extradition have been met,” Folco Galli, a spokesman for the Justice Ministry, told ABC News. [LA Times]

Polanski will remain under house arrest at his chalet in Gstaad until then, while his lawyers are still fighting for dismissal of the case in the US (which courts have thus far refused to rule on without Polanski present).  While everyone’s lawyer collects overtime pay, let’s just pause to remember that the only thing the victim ever wanted in this case was for it to be over as quickly as possible.  Man, she’s really taken it in the ass on this one.  *bike horn*

(“THESE CHICKS ARE TOO OLD.”)

From the AP:

A Swiss court granted Roman Polanski bail on Wednesday, accepting $4.5 million to allow him to remain under house arrest at his chalet. The director will stay in prison for up to 10 days while the Swiss government decides whether to appeal.

The Swiss Criminal Court reversed its previous rejection of bail, saying it was confident the large cash guarantee would compel Polanski to remain at his chalet in the Swiss resort of Gstaad under house arrest and monitored by an electronic bracelet.

The court said it still viewed him as a high flight risk.  The court said Polanski would be subjected to “constant electronic surveillance” at his chalet and an alarm would be activated if he leaves the premises or takes off the bracelet.

“The 76-year-old appellant is married and the father of two minors,” the court said as it considered Polanski’s offer of a cash bail secured by his apartment in Paris. “It can be assumed that as a responsible father he will, especially in view of his advanced age, attach greater importance to the financial security of his family than a younger person.”

…he said while lighting a Cuban cigar with a $100 bill and then putting it out on a high-priced call girl.  Keep in mind, Roman Polanski was arrested two months ago because he’s wanted in the U.S., and they still haven’t decided whether they’re going to extradite him or not.  Why they hell else would you arrest him?  It seems like something they could’ve figured out during those 30 years he spent as a fugitive.  But as my sources tell me, if it seems like the legal process takes time, it’s because lawyers literally spend all day beating each other off and watching soap operas.

The U.S. formally filed a request for Roman Polanski’s extradition today, and only a whole month after they requested his arrest.  The Swiss authorities, who, to reiterate, arrested Polanski a month ago, will now be holding a hearing at an unspecified future date to decide whether to send him back to Los Angeles, even though, again, I’m just reiterating the facts here, him being wanted in Los Angeles was the entire reason they arrested him in the first place.

If extradition is approved, Polanski may appeal the decision to Switzerland’s top criminal court and, theoretically, to the Federal Supreme Court.
That means the could remain in a Swiss jail for months more of legal wrangling, even though legal experts say he has little chance of avoiding a return to the U.S. after 31 years as a fugitive.
The maximum sentence Polanski can receive in California is two years, the Justice Ministry said.
“In the American case, he declared himself guilty of having sexual relations with a minor,” spokesman Folco Galli told Europe-1 radio. “According to American law currently in force, the maximum penalty for the crime in question is two years in prison.”
Galli said the sentence couldn’t be longer because Polanski could only be punished for the crime that is the basis of his extradition. He didn’t say specifically whether Polanski was being pursued for fleeing justice in 1978, and Los Angeles authorities couldn’t immediately be reached for verification. [Variety]

Of course they couldn’t be reached.  You probably have to fax them a formal request to be reached, then they schedule a hearing at an unspecified date on whether to approve that request, and after a few weeks of the lawyers playing XBox and eating Cheetos out of their briefcases, they decide whether to comment.  This is just how the legal system works.

(“SAVE ME A HIGH LIFE, ASSWIPES.”)

Roman Polanski is currently in Swiss prison waiting for US lawyers to file a “firm extradition request.” (so far, all they’ve done is passive-aggressively hint drop, apparently).  If he decides to challenge extradition, the process could keep him in jail another year.  Now, one of his lawyers says he might just come back to the U.S.

For the first time, one Mr. Polanski’s lawyers, Georges Kiejman, floated on Wednesday the idea of a possible return in an interview with the radio station Europe 1. “If this process drags on, it is not completely impossible that Roman Polanski could choose to go finally to explain himself in the United States where the arguments in his favor exist,” he said.

“Not completely impossible?”  Jesus, how long does this take?  The guy’s been in jail a month.  How many GD hours can you bill over a yes or no question?

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