Higher res versions here

The trailer for Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street is finally online.  I know this may come as a shock, but everyone in it looks really pale.  I know, it’s hard to believe that Tm Burton would do something like make all of his characters look ghostly pale, but I’m telling you, friend, it appears that that’s exactly what he’s done.  

Anyway, if you’re keeping score at home, on the one hand we’ve got Johnny Depp playing a murderous barber, on the other hand we’ve got a musical.  One one hand people being murdered with a razor blade, on the other, people randomly bursting into song.  What will you decide?

I don’t normally watch musicals, but I do eat beans, and they’re the musical fruit.  Which was my nickname in high school (I loved the theatre). 

So a while back, Warner Brothers hired Tim Burton to make Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.  What's it about, you ask?

In the film/play, Todd’s victims are sat in a mechanical chair, where they are subject to a slice across their throats, before a trap door in the floor opens and they slide down a chute into the lair of Todd’s mistress, Mrs Lovett (played by Helena Bonham Carter), who uses the dead bodies to make her meat pies.

And now, being the geniuses that they are, WB execs are asking Burton to re-cut the movie to get a PG-13 rating.  You just know that these are the same guys that think, "Hey, Showgirls was a cult classic, why don't we show it on the USA network?  All we have to do is edit the naked scenes."  

I saw actual footage of JFK getting his head blown off probably 30 times in JFK on network TV, but on the same channel I have to hear John MacClaine shouting "Yippie kai yay, Mr. Falcon!" in Die Hard.  People knew for years that Grand Theft Auto involved selling drugs and beating hookers to death with a bat, but when the truth about pixellated nipplage came out, congress had to get involved.  Jesus, people are stupid.  

That's it, I'm moving north to live with the baby polar bears. 

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