(New pickup line: “Do you know how hard Dolph Lundgren can hit?”  “How hard?”  “Hard enough to break the ice.”)

Dolph Lundgren, who’s experiencing something of a career resurgence of late with parts in The Expendables, Universal Soldier: Regeneration, and Command Performance, was on hand to perform at the Melodifestivalen in Örnsköldsvik, Sweden last week.  As you can see in the video below, he not only smashed boards and played a drum solo, but sang the Junkie XL Elvis cover “Little Less Conversation” in the voice of Bigfoot from the Howard Stern Show*.

The flamboyant singing and dancing fest was a clear winner in last week’s television audience ratings, beating Antikrundan — the Swedish version of the Antiques Roadshow — into second place on 2.1 million. [via TheLocal.se]

Time out, the highest-rated show on Swedish television was Antiques F*cking Roadshow?  Jesus, Sweden.  You may have hot blondes, universal healthcare, unmatched literacy, life expectancy, and quality of life, but… at what cost?

Tragically, during the encore, a møøse bit his sister.

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This is the trailer for Nasty Old People, which, according to BoingBoing is “the first feature film in Swedish history to be released under a Creative Commons license.”  I don’t really know what that means, but apparently you can download it for free legally from The Pirate Bay.  It sounds pretty typical for a Scandinavian film — death, nazis, etc.

Mette is a member of a neo-Nazi gang, her day job is to take care of four crazy old people that all are just waiting to die. Her life becomes a journey into a burlesque fairytale, where the rules of the game are created by Mette herself. Mette is indifferent about her way of life, until she one night assaults a man, kicking him senseless. Waking up the day after, she realizes that something is wrong, and in company with the her crazy oldies she longs for respect and love. She can tell that the old folks are marginalized by the modern society, but together they create a world and a voice of their own.

Hard to get a real feel from it from the trailer. Mainly I just posted it because it had nazis and old people watching porno.  Plus the trailer shows the nazi chick in a bath tub, and it’s a foreign film so you know you’ll get to see her naked lots. I don’t really understand what neo-Nazis in Scandinavia do. Do they just march around going, “You know who we hate?  The dark people we’ve read about in books!”  It’s like someone from Alabama complaining about the Jews.

Ricky Gervais was recently chased down the street in Los Angeles by a mob of Swedish tourists.  Not because they love his work or because he stole their meatballs, but because they thought he was Robert DeNiro.

The group pursued him down the street, shouting one of 64-year-old Robert’s most famous movie lines after him.  An onlooker told Britain’s Daily Star newspaper: "Ricky is hugely popular in Hollywood, so it wasn’t a surprise to see him chased by autograph hunters.

"But this quartet of fairly elderly folk on their vacation seemed a bit confused. They kept yelling at him, ‘Are you looking at me?’  They were obviously trying to speak the line, ‘Are you talking to me?’ from De Niro’s Taxi Driver but getting it slightly wrong. It was all very funny."

"They caught up with Ricky and though I’m not sure the confusion was cleared up, they were happy.  They came away talking about pigs feet and tried to order some in the Ivy." [source]

Keep this in mind next time you envy the Scandinavians their socialized healthcare system.  Sure, you may have to spend $300 on an X-ray and contract anal warts from a botched colonoscopy, but at least you don’t have an elderly menace roaming the streets babbling about pig’s feet when they should be sleeping comfortably in their coffins.