Sexman reviews The Surrogates – “overall just crappy.”  It’s sad to see Sexman going through puberty, but he’s clearly retained his narrative voice: “You basically design how you want the world to see you.  So some nerdy white guy could design himself to be some tall black guy.  Who is maybe buff or whatever.  So you don’t really know who’s who.  And that’s kind of sh-tty, but anyway…”

Daily Circle Jerk Link:

• The greatest movie never made: Kubrick’s Napoleon.  Luckily, there’s still time to produce my script for Diora Baird’s Shower Party. |Asylum|
• The 10 ugliest uniforms in sports. |BleacherReport|
• The essential guy app roundup. |BachelorGuy|
• Kennedy guy style guide. |TSBMag|
• Rejected Playboy cartoon cover girls. |HolyTaco|
• Seven celebrity Netflix queues.  It’s funny because Kevin James is fat. |ScreenJunkies|
• Miss Plastic Hungary, the beauty pageant for sluts. |FListed|
• White Gorilla has OCD.  Oh boy, this sounds zany! |Atom|
• Louisville will help you get a boner.  Because the chicks there wear mom jeans, apparently. |WarmingGlow|
• This guy has an offensive Xbox gamer tag and peeps be hatin’.  “Jesus is not dead, are you gay?’ |CollegeHumor|

And now, some stories I didn’t feel like devoting an entire post to:

FIRST PICTURES of Dakota Fanning (with red eyes! ZOMGFART!) in Twilight Saga: New Moon.  She plays Jane, a member of the Volturi coven of vampires, who enforce vampire laws.  Law 1: Bros before hoes.  Law 2: No Fat Chicks.  Law 3: If this van’s a-rockin’… [Cinematical]

TRAILER FOR AGORA – Alejandro Amenábar’s sluts n’ sandals epic starring Rachel Weisz as Hypatia, a prominent Atheist who tries to resist the tide of fanaticism, Islam, and itchy toilet paper.  Okay, maybe not that last one, but seriously, what did they use to wipe their butts back then?  These are the things I wonder. [CHUD]

NEW RED-BAND CLIP from World’s Greatest Dad, starring Robin Williams, written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait.  I kind of wish I hadn’t watched it because it’s just a compilation of really good lines, and I don’t want it to ruin the movie for me, which I plan to see and review (it’s currently on On Demand and playing in LA, SF, and NY) some time this week.  I plan to see a Robin Williams/Bobcat Goldthwait movie, you ask?  Yes.  It looks good.  People can be known for more than one thing in their life, you know.  I don’t know how many times I’ve said that to the judge and my neighbors. [Joblo]

Read the rest of this entry »

Did you know when you type in “Bruno” on IMDB, the first entry that pops up is “nicknames: Bruce Willis?”  It’s true. Don’t ask me how I know.  And that knowledge is at least as interesting as this new trailer for Surrogates, starring Bruno Willis himself, a movie about robot dopplegangers.  It’s based on a graphic novel!  From the director of Terminator 3!  I don’t even remember that movie!  This movie will be good because it looks like other movies!

Read the rest of this entry »