They had to put plastic over the cameras to protect them from all the moisture coming off ladies' genitals

Zack Snyder is currently shooting his Superman movie, Man of Steel, in Vancouver, with Henry Cavill and Amy Adams. So far, we know that Cavill’s Superman (Clark Kent?) is… uh… bearded. Though we’re not sure why at this point. Maybe he joins an indie band? It’s anyone’s guess. All I know is, a beard seems awful informal for a guy wearing a cape.

Meanwhile, does it bother anyone else that Thor has a shaved chest while Superman is au natural? Because when I think “Viking,” I think hairy mountain man. Whereas Superman is a guy in red underpants and knee-high boots. He seems like the type to shave, if not wax. I mean, he’d at least trim to keep it from getting all tangled up underneath that spandex, wouldn’t he? It’s quite possible I’ve put too much thought into this.

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Someone over on the SuperheroHype forums just posted these new pictures of Henry Cavill on the set of Zack Snyder’s Superman: Man of Steel, and WHAT THE HELL, NO MANTIES!?!? WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS? It’s right there in the damn song: You don’t spit into the wind, you don’t tug off the old Lone Ranger, and YOU DON’T TAKE AWAY SUPERMAN’S MANTIES, YOU GODDAMNED TERRORISTS! Phew, deep breath, Mancini, we can do this. Okay, let’s think about this logically: He’s not wearing a cape in this picture either, but we know from the publicity photo they already released that he does wear a cape in the movie. So… maybe they took the manties off temporarily so that he wouldn’t get his biceps caught in them while he was doing punch stunts? Sure, why not? Seems plausible, right? I do it all the time. Guys like me and Henry, we have to take off our underpants before we do any serious punching, or else our thighs chafe.

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(Larger size here)

Warner Bros have released the first official picture of Henry Cavill as Superman in Zack Snyder’s Superman reboot, Man of Steel. Now, there are a few things to take from this. First, the suit looks very rubbery. It seems like that would be really hot to wear under your clothes every day like Superman does. Secondly, where are his manties? You can’t even tell if he’s wearing them! If Superman isn’t wearing his red underpants over his tights… what’s the point, you know? As long as they’re not those huge granny manties George Reeves used to wear. And finally, what the hell did they do to his hair? Where’s his little Superman spit curl? That was the best part! This looks more like some kind of greasy Puerto Rican pompadour (I meant the hair is greasy…).  “Mira, I fighteen for truth y yoosteece.”

Now that I think about it, minus the ‘S’, that whole outfit looks like something you’d see during the Puerto Rican Day parade. What, I’m racist now? Give me a break, it’s not like I called him the “Man of Steal.” Okay, okay, too far. Anyway I still have my fingers crossed for a giant spider in the third act.

According to Variety, Russell Crowe, champion of intact foreskins and hilarious Jew hats, beat out Sean Penn and Clive Owen for the role of Superman’s biological father, Jor-El, in the upcoming Chris Nolan-produced, Zack Snyder-directed Man of Steel. Variety makes it sound as if the decision was Nolan’s rather than Snyder’s, which seems like a good rule of thumb for this film in general.

Crowe joins Henry Cavill as Superman, Kevin Costner and Dianne Lane as the Kents, Amy Adams as Lois, and Michael Shannon as Zod. Crowe hopes to be the equal of 1978 Jor-El Marlon Brando, in both acting ability and craft services budget.  You don’t spit into the wind, you don’t tug on Superman’s cape, and with Crowe on board, you DEFINITELY don’t tug on his foreskin. This time around, Superman will wear a cape AND a hood.  Which should help him in his fight with a “giant spider” in the third act, something something, peel before Zod, thanks, folks, tip your waiters, Anthony Weiner’s penis, try the steak.  (*bass run, scattered applause, clinking silverware*)

[production begins next month from a David Goyer script]

Ending months of furious speculation, Warner Bros yesterday sent out an official press release announcing that Michael Shannon has been cast as General Zod in Zack Snyder’s Superman reboot.  He’ll star opposite Henry Cavill as Superman, Amy Adams as Lois Lane, and Kevin Costner and Diane Lane as the Kents.  Shannon is an American actor perhaps best known for his role in the Boardwalk Empire episode “The Drowning of the Jew.”

“Zod is not only one of Superman’s most formidable enemies, but one of the most significant because he has insights into Superman that others don’t. Michael is a powerful actor who can project both the intelligence and the malice of the character, making him perfect for the role,” Snyder said.

Zod, like Superman, is from Krypton, where he commanded its armed forces. The character appeared in both 1978’s Superman and its 1980 sequel Superman II, where he was played by actor Terence Stamp. [THR]

Shannon also has the ability to still look scary even while he’s masturbating, a feat managed only by brilliant character actors and great white sharks, so he’s a great choice for the villain.  Zod was always a bad ass character because he has all the same powers as Superman, but instead of a cape and knee-high, red F-me boots with his underwear on the outside of his leotard, Zod has a ponytail and wears a grandmotherly robe lined with vinyl.  Man, and we say the Japanese are weird.  Anyway, Superman and Zod are always fighting each other, which is silly, because they’re both basically invincible, and the only thing they seem to accomplish is breaking lots of stuff.  Gosh, I wonder if any of it will be filmed in slow motion.