As the Sundance Film Festival begins today, so does the search of every Hollywood executive for this year’s Martha Marcy May Marlene, which was the breakout hit of last year’s event, winning Sean Durkin the award for Best Director. Most industry analysts expect that this year will be one of the busiest ever at Sundance, as movies will be gobbled up like crazy by studio executives, which is good news for Vince’s debut entry, Perfect Stranger: That Time I Sat on Both Hands.

Unfortunately, I can’t offer much insight into the hype of this year’s Sundance because I haven’t done my homework. I have, however, watched one video about an 8-year old Australian girl’s struggle to succeed in the music industry. After the jump, I implore you to watch Juliet’s “My First Hardcore Song”, which I am openly endorsing to be made into a documentary film for next year’s Sundance Film Festival, because it is truly an epic work of art that crosses over multiple genres.

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While Vince was busy smashing Pajiba’s Texas Instruments graphing calculators, there was a viewing at Sundance for The Woman, a new film from director Lucky McKee, who does not, unfortunately, have a sister named Tits. McKee previously directed some other stuff, but namely The Woods, which starred Bruce Campbell and therefore makes it awesome. But McKee’s latest film is getting buzz for something that happened off the screen – namely some guy freaked out during the screening and had to be escorted out.

The man, who is not identified in the video, claims that The Woman is incredibly offensive to women and should not be shown. In fact, he points out that one woman in the audience fainted. Wow, sounds like it’s a pretty graphic film, so what’s it about, IMDB?

When a successful country lawyer captures and attempts to “civilize” the last remaining member of a violent clan that has roamed the Northeast coast for decades, he puts the lives of his family in jeopardy.

So it’s like Nell but with graphic violence? Cool, I’ll take it. As for the guy and this perfectly timed video… he’s an actor and it’s fake. I don’t necessarily have much proof other than some comments on a YouTube page, but I’ve got a pretty good BS detector and the siren is blazing on this one. But I tip my hat to Lucky and crew, because their promotional idea is working and many people who are annoyed with this a-hole want to see the film now. Maybe I’ll try something similar for my first film, Watch Me Bathe Grandma.

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Aussie gangster movie Animal Kingdom just released a trailer and poster.  The Melbourne-set crime drama premiered at Sundance, where it won the Dramatic World Cinema Jury Prize.  Sundance is kind of like Kindergarten, where everybody gets a prize — “Congratulations, Billy!  You won first place in the boys who drink chocolate milk and play with blocks competition!” — but Animal Kingdom drew rave reviews from pretty much every drag queen I talked to.  The trailer looks fairly badass.  Though I was hoping for more animals. *kicks can*

Pope Cody (Ben Mendelsohn), an armed robber on the run from a gang of renegade detectives, is in hiding, surrounded by his roughneck friends and family. Soon, Pope’s nephew, Joshua “J” Cody (James Frecheville), arrives and moves in with his hitherto-estranged relatives. When tensions between the family and the police reach a bloody peak, “J” finds himself at the center of a cold-blooded revenge plot that turns the family upside down.” [ThePlaylist]

Guy Pearce plays a detective.  It’s funny to see Australian police carrying guns and catching criminals and stuff.  I always just imagined them as people who help you home when you’re drunk.  “Oi, Maahgrit, we found Bill sleapin in a ‘roo’s nist again.  Be a doll an make the c*nt some coffee, we’ve got a touch footy game this arvo.”

Sort of related: Dirty Deeds is a fun Australian gangster movie that no one talks about anymore.  And Two Hands, even though the dead guy was a totally pointless character.

Cane toads are a lot like my ex girlfriends, so naturally I feel justified wearing this name tag (*points to sticker on chest: Hello my name is TOAD EXPERT*). But really, the similarities are uncanny: they both leave slimy residue behind, neither can seem to keep a steady job or drive a vehicle safely and, oh yeah I almost forgot, they’re f–king poisonous, too.

Unveiling what would be only the second 3-D title to ever play at Sundance, Tuesday night, director Mark Lewis eagerly introduced his cane toad documentary Cane Toads: The Conquest. Again, for all of our readers in the “unaffected by toads” category, let me repeat: IT’S A F–KING 3-D MOVIE ABOUT TOADS!

The irreverent docu is a follow-up to Lewis’ 1988 “Cane Toads: An Unnatural History,” about the introduction of the poisonous animals to Australia and the ravages wrought by the pesky amphibians. “Conquest” explores the toads’ migration and further destruction in the years since.

Tuesday night’s premiere was attended by curious buyers, including Harvey Weinstein and his staff from the Weinstein Co. “Conquest” drew a raucous reaction from the packed room. [Variety]

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I didn’t meet my hero, but I avoided a knife fight. Call it a wash.
I was stumbling out of a bar between championship games on Sunday, nursing a not-insubstantial buzz and walking backwards while talking to a friend, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a guy walking up the street behind me and veered to miss him.  As I spun around, I came face to face with none other than Danny Trejo, the most hardass Mexican of all time.  I had only a few seconds to react, and the only thing that went through my brain was, “Holy sh*t, I own a t-shirt with your face on it!”  Even in my addled state, that seemed like a really stupid thing to say, so I just froze and let him pass by.  It remains the biggest regret of my life.  *peels rose petal, stares out window*

Overheard conversations:

“And this has to do with Geronimo?”
“No, the porn convention.”

“And she was like, ‘Oh, I heard about you through the graffiti and fixed-gear circles.’”

[My friend Ryan, to a girl wearing a white fox-fur vest] “I like your, uh, pelt.”
[Girl, who claimed to work 'in fashion'] “Thanks!  People are always bashing fur, but… I don’t get it.  Isn’t that, like, what animals are for?”
[Girl's super-bitchy gay best friend] “Ugh, can we go?  We’re just like, standing in a bar.  I could do this anywhere.”

“Man, Philip Seymour Hoffman does not know how to dress, shower, or shave.”

“So in your movie… do you ever explain why there are dinosaurs?”

That’s all for now. Expect a Howl review tonight or tomorrow (it was better than I expected).