^{(Bella’s broken vampire fetus)}

Remember Breaking Dawn?  The last movie in the Twilight series with the snorkeling vampires and the CGI telepathic vampire adult-baby who eats its way out of the womb and gets macked on by a full-grown werewolf?  Yeah that one.  Summit is still trying to find a director for the movie. So naturally they asked THREE OSCAR WINNERS.

Sources tell EW that the studio has reached out to at least three top-notch directors, including Sofia Coppola (Lost in Translation), Gus Van Sant (Milk), and Bill Condon (Dreamgirls) to gauge their interest in what is likely to be two movies. (Van Sant’s reps confirmed that he’s been approached, but Coppola and Condon’s people didn’t return phone calls by press time. Summit declined to comment.) [EW]

Meanwhile, I have my own sources at Summit, who tell me, “I tried to hook up with three people but they were out of my league and now they won’t call me back MLIT.”  Then they shared a bowl of ice cream with their 30 cats.

(source)

Breaking Dawn is the Twilight book that comes after New Moon, and if you’ve read this synopsis, you know what we’re dealing with here: telepathic, adult-brained vampire babies; vampire teeth c-sections; vampires snorkeling; hot werewolf-0n-baby action — all written at fifth-grade level.  Right now, Summit and Stephenie Meyer are trying to decide whether to do it as one movie or split it into two like they did with Harry Potter.  But who really cares.  The funny part is them trying to explain how they plan to shoot this preposterous story.

The other challenge of course is Renesmee*, Bella’s half-vampire, half-human daughter who is able to read, talk, run and hunt despite being a toddler. [Producer Wyck] Godfrey says “It’s certainly going to be visual effects in some capacity along with an actor. I wouldn’t be surprised if it ends up being a full CG creation, but it also may be a human shot on a soundstage that then is used to shrink down.” [DarkHorizons]

Asked the reporter in a follow-up: “So you’re saying it’s either going to be an all-CG vampire baby like Jar-Jar Binks meets Ally McBeal, OR a full-grown adult shrunk down on a computer like Little Man?”  At which point Godfrey buried his face in his hands and his dog covered its eyes with its paws, sighing loudly.

*The white equivalent of black people naming their kids D’Brickashaw or Flozilla.
[Thanks to Burnsy for the comic, which looks like it came from the always awesome Superpoop]

Summit Entertainment, the studio behind Twilight, has announced that they’ll be rebooting 1986′s Highlander, with 4 Fast 4 Furious director Justin Lin at the helm.  Art Marcum and Matt Holloway (who worked with Fergby on Iron Man and also wrote Punisher: War Zone) will write the script.

Summit’s film will expand on the original HIGHLANDER’s core mythology of immortals battling amongst us, hunting each other through the ages by tapping its newly minted creative team to take its re-imagination to new heights. Plans call for the re-imagination to spur a new franchise for the studio. [Summit Press Release via /Film]

Wait, wait, the original story was about immortals who hunted each other using newly minted creative teams?  DAMN YOUR LACK OF PUNCTUATION!  Anyway, this seemed like a way worse idea before I started listening to the Queen songs from the original.  I know this new one’s probably going to be Papa Roach singing about their parents’ divorce while Channing Tatum pours Highlander energy drink on his shirtless chest, but all I can think is I AM IMMORTAL / I HAVE INSIDE ME BLOOD OF KINGS…. (*10 minute mouth guitar solo*)

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Yeah so that’s the gayest headline I’ve ever written.  But it’s fitting because I’m covering the drama surrounding Rachelle Lefevre’s replacement in the third Twilight movie.  Now Summit has issued a response to Lefevre’s statement. Read it if you like, but the gist is “reer!“.  Via /Film:

Ms. Lefevre’s representatives were advised as early as April that THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE was expected to start shooting in early August.
- If Ms. Lefevre was, as she describes “passionate,” about being part of THE TWILIGHT SAGA, we feel that she and her representatives would have included us in her decision to work on another film that would conflict with the shooting schedule.
- It was not until July 20th that Summit was first informed of Ms. Lefevre’s commitment to BARNEY’S VERSION, a commitment we have since been advised she accepted in early June. Summit had acted in good faith that she would be available to fulfill her obligations both in terms of rehearsals and shooting availability for THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE. We feel that her choice to withhold her scheduling conflict information from us can be viewed as a lack of cooperative spirit which affected the entire production.
- Furthermore Ms. Lefevre took a role in the other film that places her in Europe during the required rehearsal time, and at least ten days of THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE’s principal photography.
- Contrary to Ms. Lefevre’s statement, it is simply untrue that the Studio dismissed her over a ten day overlap. It is not about a ten day overlap, but instead about the fact that THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE is an ensemble production that has to accommodate the schedules of numerous actors while respecting the established creative vision of the filmmaker and most importantly the story.
The fact remains that Ms. Lefevre’s commitment to the other project – which she chose to withhold from Summit until the last possible moment – makes her unfortunately unavailable to perform the role of Victoria in THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE.

I can relate.  I dismissed my last girlfriend for a lack of cooperative spirit.  She walked in on me pleasuring myself and then wouldn’t even spot me. I listen when you talk about your day, you could at least take an interest.