The rumor that Will Smith’s 10-year-old son Jaden would star in a remake/sequel of The Karate Kid has been around for a while now and always seemed too ridiculous to be true.  But this is Hollywood, so just think of the stupidest thing you can imagine multiplied by 100 and of course someone will produce it.

The script is being written by Chris Murphy, and the film will shoot next year in Beijing and other cities. While the new film will be set in that exotic locale, it will borrow elements of the original plot, wherein a bullied youth learns to stand up for himself with the help of an eccentric mentor. China Film Group Corp. will co-produce in China. [Lending credence to earlier, still unconfirmed rumors that it would be renamed Kung Fu Kid and that they wanted Stephen Chow to direct -Ed.]

The younger Smith, who next stars in “The Day the Earth Stood Still,” is a martial arts practitioner. [Variety]

No, he’s not.  He’s a little kid.  A little kid whose parents make him act.  And between fame as a child actor and parents that are borderline scientologists, you know he’s going to end up just like that Power Ranger who drowned people and cut his dick off.  Or worse, Danny Masterson.

Hey, you know what are awesome?  Movies based on video games!  I mean, have you ever seen one that wasn’t, like, the BEST F-CKING THING SINCE THE BIG BANG??? I know I haven’t!

Universal Pictures has acquired screen rights to the Electronic Arts videogame “Army of Two” …a two-player action contest in which a pair of private military contractors fight their way through a web of intrigue.  Peter Berg may direct.

“Because people experience the game in pairs, playing two guys who go against the world, Scott [Stuber, the producer] and I agreed this format presented an opportunity to make a great buddy film,” [co-writer Scott] Burns said. “The ambiguity of these private military corporations lends weight to an intelligent thriller with relevance to what’s going on in the world right now.” [Variety]

Dude, let’s go see an intelligent thriller! It’s about that video game where you fight space wolves with an enchanted cock ring!  …Video games are to movies as professional wrestling is to acting.

The news last week was that Punisher: War Zone director Lexi Alexander was MIA during the Comic-Con panel.  The rumor going around was that she’d been kicked off the project.  But according to CHUD, the story was all part of a scheme.  A scheme whose needless complexity was equaled only by its complete retardation.

With Punisher: War Zone, all of the signs point to a worst-case scenario: behind the scenes infighting, recuts, honeymoons, studio spin and the like. All the dust kicked up at Comic-Con has got everybody in a tizzy, but a few days ago I had a chance to speak to someone very close to the film, and that contact assured me – without knowing I’m in the position I am to disseminate this kind of information – that most of the drama is a bunch of hooey. Hype. Hullabaloo drummed up to generate more interest in the film. Lexi Alexander is still the director and the cut will be locked in a couple weeks.

I’m inclined to believe this is bogus for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the author’s use of “hullabaloo”, “hype”, and “hooey”.  Just seems like someone’s overcompensating.  But if it is true, spreading the rumor that your film is a hacked-up disaster is probably the stupidest marketing scheme in the history of the world.  Hey, did you guy’s hear about Tony’s Pizza?  Yeah, I heard about Tony’s Pizza, I heard rats shit in the dough.  Well I heard Tony stirs the sauce with his dick.  Dude, my cousin’s friend Steve ate a slice of Tony’s pizza last Saturday?  His asshole fell off.  Psst, you think they’re buying this?  Oh yeah.  By this time next week everyone’s gonna know about Tony’s Pizza.  It will be the most talked about pizza place in the world… *maniacal laugh*