In this new clip (video below) from director Darren Aronofsky’s The Wrestler (trailer here), Mickey Rourke picks up off-duty stripper Marisa Tomei using the ultimate pimp move: he whips out his own action figure. Let’s face it, seduction doesn’t get much more persuasive than that. Though I’ve heard cocaine also works.
As you may have already seen, here’s that trailer for Powder Blue, in which Jessica Biel plays a stripper. I’ve tried to attach some relevant screenshots, but the footage I’m working with isn’t that great – this one or this one’s probably the best – but I definitely screen capped a little kid on a gurney by accident at one point, and that should tell you a lot about what my life is like.
It’s hard to tell exactly what the film’s about, but the dialogue-free trailer screams DRAMA! and GRITTY REALISM! in a way that’s never the least bit realistic (see: Crash). It co-stars Ray Liotta, Kris Kristofferson, and Forrest Whitaker, whom we see jumping off a building while dressed as Santa Claus. I can imagine why he’s depressed, he probably scared the shit out the kids with that eye. I kid, I kid. But seriously, is it weird that I imagine him turning back at the last moment and seeing Joaquin Phoenix with “BYE GOOD” written on his knuckles?
Pixar just released a brand new four-minute featurette from Wall E, narrated by writer/director Andrew Stanton – who previously did Finding Nemo, perhaps the finest film to watch stoned of all time.
“Wall E takes place 800 years into the future. Mankind has left the planet hoping to return once it’s been cleaned up – a task left to robots. The problem is, all the robots have finally broken down. Except for one, Wall E – a robot with one tiny little glitch. He’s developed a personality.”
Yeah, sometimes that happens with strippers too. Usually I just stuff a dollar in their g-string and put my index finger up to my lips. I’m like The Dog Whisperer when it comes to strippers. "Ju see? Thee pro-blame ees dat ju knee to cho dem who ees dee pack lee-dare."
Girly Style, a stripper’s comedic memoir, will be adapted into a feature film. The memoir is by Diablo Cody, a former stripper who also wrote Juno (trailer here). I’m impressed. I never knew strippers were capable of anything besides stinking up my attic after a heat spell. [Yahoo]
National Lampoon’s 301: The Legend of Awesomest Maximus Wallace Leonidas, whose title tells you everything you need to know about it, has added Kevin "Johnny Drama" Dillon as the star. Wow, a guy who usually goes direct to DVD is starring in a film from a company whose movies usually go directly to DVD? Shocker. Almost as shocking as Entourage once again being the cause of something shitty. [Variety]
Yes Man, a movie in which Jim Carrey will attempt to prove he’s still funny, has picked up Bradley Cooper, the asshole fianceé from Wedding Crashers. Fun With Dick and Jane was less funny than an Auschwitz documentary. That is all. [Variety]
The Dark Knight butler Michael Caine calls Heath Ledger’s Joker "one of the scariest performances I have ever seen." Ledger describes Caine’s scrotum as "wrinkled, yet taffy-like." [MTV]
Brothers will star Jake Gyllenhaal, Tobey Maguire, and Natalie Portman, as three people involved in a love triangle. A love triangle, uh huh, sure. These three are more asexual than a castrated panda bear. I once showed Tobey Maguire a diagram of a women’s privates and told him to locate the clitoris, and he started rummaging underneath the couch cushions. True story. [Variety]
