When Idris Elba, aka Stringer Bell from The Wire, was cast as Heimdall in Thor, I thought it was odd casting. “So Odin has a black son now? That’s weird,” I thought, and then I shrugged and took a bite of my sandwich and forgot about it forever. Of course, for the types that get angry when something says “Season’s Greetings” instead of “Merry Christmas,” casting a black guy as “the white god” was pretty much guaranteed to be a nearly endless source of self-righteous bitching. I mean worshiping false idols is one thing, but a BLACK pagan? Too far, man, too far.

DEY TOOKKK YER JAWBS!

Norse mythology gets multi-cultural remake in upcoming movie titled “Thor,” Marvel studios. It’s not enough that Marvel attacks conservatives values, now mythological Gods must be re-invented with black skin.

It seems that Marvel Studios believes that white people should have nothing that is unique to themselves. An upcoming movie, based on the comic book Thor, will give the Aesir an insulting multi-cultural make-over. One of the Gods will be played by Hip Hop DJ Elba. [CoCC]

HAHAHAHA — (*checks Idris Elba’s Wikipedia page*) Aw crap, he actually is a hip hop DJ? Well that’s not a very clever insult then, is it. Anyway, the Council of Conservative Citizens (formerly the White Citizens’ Council) is organizing a boycott. And that’s a shame, because I was really looking forward to hearing what Andrew the racist speech impediment kid would have to say about it.

^{So, this is where the white women at, huh?}

Despite being mediocre in every way as a movie, Obsessed *did* earn some praise for depicting a regular old upper-middle class married couple, who just happened to be black (which some would argue is a lot more mature than the OMG, race relations! approach of, say, Crash).  But apparently, your eyes just weren’t as attuned to symbolism as Stephen Holden of the New York Times, who wrote…

The movie’s most disturbing aspect, of which the filmmakers could not have been unaware, is the physical resemblance between [Idris] Elba and [Ali] Larter to O. J. and Nicole Brown Simpson. It lends “Obsessed” a distasteful taint of exploitation. [NYT, via TheGuardian]

For shame!  How could the filmmakers forget that all black dudes and blonde chicks look the same?  Yes, it really doesn’t get much better than the inherently-racist PC complaint about symbolism.   “You can’t pose a black man like that, it’s dehumanizing! You’ve made him look just like the kids in my neighborhood who I lock my doors around!”  But the predictable argument about who’s the real racist here would be asinine.  Instead, can we just agree that Stephen Holden is a douchebag?  Now then, let’s go build a giant ‘D’ to burn on his front lawn.

Also:  Hee hee!  He said “distasteful taint!”  Your mom, lol!

In this new poster for Obsessed (boring trailer after the jump), Ali Larter shows that when you’re a white girl, the best way to steal a black girl’s man is to arch your back as much as possible in a desperate attempt to make your ass look bigger.  Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I used that one.

In related news, I’d like to marry a girl named Beyoncé. That way I could go to fancy dinner parties and say to people, “Hi, nice to meet you. And have you met my fiancée, Beyoncé?”

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