Pictured: Bella and either Jacob or Edward seeking higher ground

The cast and crew of the next Twilight film, Breaking Dawn, was forced to evacuate their set on Vancouver Island in Canada amid a tsunami warning stemming from last night’s earthquake in Japan. From People.com:

The actors are not believed to be in any danger, but for safety measures they apparently have been moved out of the region.

The town where production is taking place, Tofino, contains a long stretch of open coast on the furthest westerly point of the island and was seen in the earlier The Twilight Saga: New Moon.

I’ve been watching coverage of this story (the Japan part, not the Twilight part) pretty much non-stop since 5 AM. It’s insane. Half of Japan is underwater and the other half is on fire. As someone who has a recurring dream about dying in a giant tsunami, this is pretty much the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. So, as easy as it would be to make mean, horrible jokes about the Twilight movies or their fans here, I’m gonna take a pass. Even on the part of the story in that link involving cast member Tinsel Korey hyper-dramatically Tweeting, “They’re evacuating us 4 a tsumnani [sic] warning. If this … is my last my tweet. I love you. The end. Hugz.” My restraint is strong.

In conclusion, because I don’t really know how to end this post, this is the video for “Straight to My Feet” by MC Hammer and Deion Sanders from the Street Fighter soundtrack.

I’m gonna play devil’s advocate here and pretend all of you didn’t already see Street Fighter The Legend of Chun Li in theaters and present to you this video that compiles all the best parts, i.e. the parts where Chris Klein acts.  I posted a similar video a while back but it got taken down, and if anything deserves a repost, it’s this.  You know how in every movie that involves telekinesis or magic, the mentor will tell the young protege to squeeze all of his thoughts and emotions into a little ball and focus it into the pit of his stomach?  Chris Klein acts like someone told him to focus all of his acting ability into his testicles, and then force it through his penis with intense prostate contractions.  And when it comes out, it’s pure gravitas. This guy walks. Through. The jizz drops. I guess what I’m trying to say is, do not watch this if you’re trying not to get pregnant.

[JeffRubin via Videogum]

About a month ago, Chris Klein’s coke-fueled clown dildo of a Mamma Mia audition ended up online. It was pretty embarrassing, but he wisely went with the joke and we forgot about it (hope you’re taking notes, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad). Well that’s all about to change because last night he got popped for a DUI, and his BAC might qualify him for a spot on the drunk celebrity hall of fame.  (That’s right, fame, not shame. Drinking is cool. And if you’re not cool, drinking makes you cool.)

We’re told Klein blew well over a .20 when he was arrested on the 101 Freeway in Los Angeles this morning — his second DUI bust in the last 6 years.  The legal limit in California is .08. 
As we previously reported, Klein wasn’t the only passenger in his car — cops found a dog inside the vehicle.  The dog was later retrieved by a friend of Klein’s. [TMZ]

Holy sh*t, .20+?  That’s pretty wasted.  I mean, not Hassellhoff wasted, but still.  If I’m that wasted and I’m in a car, you can bet I’m probably not driving, I’m probably tied up in the trunk yelling, “TAKE ME TO GET SOME FLAPJACKS, YOU F*GGOTS!”  Anyway, DUIs are all fun and games, but stealing a dog?  That’s f*cked up.  (Though Nic Cage abides).  I can only imagine how embarrassed the dog was when the police had to call his owner from a police station.  He probably sighed real loud and put his paws over his eyes.

Read the rest of this entry »

Sony has hired Justin Marks to write a script based on the videogame Shadow of the Colossus, which I’m sure will be great because videogame movies are always great.

“Colossus,” which bowed exclusively on the PlayStation 2 in 2005, revolves around a man named Wander who must travel across a cursed wasteland and defeat 16 creatures, known as the colossi, in order to restore the life of a girl.

“Colossus” is the latest high-profile project for Marks, who is writing the redo of “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea: Captain Nemo” at Disney, with McG attached to direct. He recently landed “Suicide Squad,” based on the DC Comics book, at Warner Bros., for which he’s also written “Green Arrow: Escape From Supermax,” also based on the DC character, and “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.”  He’s also adapted “Hack/Slash” for Relativity, based on the Devil’s Due comicbook, and the ’80s TV toon “Voltron: Defender of the Universe,” for Mark Gordon Prods. [Variety]

This Justin Marks guy must have the best publicist in the world.  So far the only movie he’s written that’s been released was Street Fighter, and we know how that went ($8 million domestic gross, 4% on rottentomatoes).  I understand a bad director (and Chris Klein pretending he’s David Caruso) can ruin a good script, but I can’t imagine “he walks through the raindrops” looked any better on paper.  Yet he now has SEVEN SCRIPTS in development.  I’d love to assume that this guy’s getting hired based on talent, but the people hiring him are the same people who think a movie about a guy named “Wander” who fights giants is a good idea.  It wouldn’t suprise me that he just shows up to meetings wearing a beret and fake mustache, and the execs immediately turn to each other and go, “Whoa, this guy seems legit.”
Read the rest of this entry »

No one saw Street Fighter, because why the hell would you?  Sadly, it seems we may have overlooked one of the most awesomely bad acting performances of all time.  I’ve hinted at this before, but now Pajiba has put together nearly 11 minutes of Chris Klein-as-Charlie-Nash goodness.  Oh God, he can’t even get out of a car believably.  I want this clip inside me. It’s like if David Caruso in his sunglasses and Nic Cage in his bear suit had a baby and taught it to do a Christian Slater impression.

Read the rest of this entry »