THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: Abduction, Straw Dogs, Ghost Rider 2 and some stuff you’ve probably never heard of. UNTIL NOW! Get excited.

Abduction. Look out, a llama escaped from the zoo and someone gave it a leather jacket! Oh, T-Lauts. I think the fight of his life will be the fight to get his face to express an emotion other than “HURRR.”

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A new poster and trailer were just released for Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All by Myself.  The poster is a reference (a reference noted in the studio’s press release, mind you) to Straw Dogs, a 1971 Sam Peckinpah film in which a guy takes brutal revenge on the townies who gang raped his woman.  Which makes total sense* when you consider that I Can Do Bad All by Myself looks like a hackneyed redemption story starring a sassy old black woman in drag.

The strategy in the trailer, meanwhile, seems to be throwing a bunch of incongruous elements of a movie together – single mother struggalin ta make ends meet, down-on-his-luck handyman, sass-throwin old lady who’s really a man – then bringing them all together with an earnest piano track and references to Jesus.  If Tyler Perry had directed Ace Ventura, Ace would be wrestling the dolphin, then there’d be that dramatic cymbal crash thingie, and next thing you know he’d be teaching the kids to pray while talking out of his butt cheeks.  “Go ahead, children, ass Jesus a question.”   Tyler Perry movies are weirder than Norwegian porno.

*It doesn’t make sense

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A remake of Sam Peckinpah’s Straw Dogs (keep your eyes peeled for the sweet headlights shot at the 12-second mark above) isn’t a bad idea in and of itself, but hiring no-name director Rod Lurie (Nothing But the Truth, Resurrecting the Champ ring a bell? …Anyone?  …Bueller?) and casting James Marsden as the lead doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.  Nausea, perhaps, but not confidence.

The new “Straw Dogs” follows Los Angeles screenwriter David Sumner (Marsden), who moves with his wife to her hometown in the deep South. Once there, tensions build in their marriage and old conflicts re-emerge with the locals, leading to a violent confrontation.  The original, co-written and directed by Sam Peckinpah, saw Dustin Hoffman in the role of Sumner, with the story set in rural England. [THR]

Instead of a violent gang rape and subsequent gun fight as in the original, the new version will have a dance contest followed by an underground MMA fight.  It’s essentially the same social critique, just… updated.