Hi there. These are the highlights from the comments section from last week. If you see something you think should make the highlights next week, nominate it here via copy and pasting.

The winner this week is Stone Soup. He gets a Black Dynamite T-shirt, since they were kind enough to send me another one (or inept enough to accidentally send me two – either way, score!).  Next week’s winner gets Postal on DVD. I’m not sure what the prize is for actually watching the entire thing.  Anyway, here’s the winner:

[From the Shia Loses Pinky Thread] Stone Soup says, Pictured is a new Transformer’s character, Tipsy McFlipsalot.  He transforms into a dialysis machine. 

Best of the rest, after the jump. 

[From the Megan Gale thread] wwbd says, Megan Gale is what you get when you forget to add the puppy dog tails.

[Same thread] JHC says, Megan Gale’s American Gladiator name is "Sascrotch" and she competes against both sexes.

[From the Mummy Sequel Plans thread] Pauly Dangerously says, If I was immortal, I wouldn’t be chasing mummies. I’d be banging chicks without a rubber.

[Same thread] Burnsy says, Brendan Fraser had lunch at a Denny’s recently and when the waitress put the menu in front of him he yelled, "I’ll do it!"

[From the Playing For Pizza thread] Michelle07 says, He looks more like he’s Playing with Pizzaz! 

[From the Shia LaBeouf thread] Stone Soup says, Autobots, transform!  Now roll over!

[From the Morgan Freeman is Getting Divorced thread] Chodin says, Freeman: "Now baby, no see, I crashed because I was telling this bitch how much I fucking loved you." 

 Until next week…

Lots of people comment on FilmDrunk, and every once in a while, they’re even funny. Each week, I honor those special Drunkards.  Nominate a funny comment for next week’s "Comments of the Week" HERE (post is hidden, so bookmark it).

The comment-related hilarity vis a vis last week was impressive both in scope and intensity. More than a few comments LOL’d my milkshake, and yet, paradoxically, the winner wasn’t the comment that most caressed my funny boner.  An invisible hand guided me to choose a winner based on its singular ability to make me go “Whoa” like Keanu Reeves as I marveled at the magnificent truth loaf that had been so perfectly pinched upon my chest. 

I described the poster at left as Carrie Bradshaw being attacked by a lion.  And though I think Maxim dursted SJP bashing through sheer uncreative douchery,  I couldn’t deny that I’d been bested by Stone Soup:

"Working Title: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"

Amazing how that worked out, isn’t it?  It’s like he discovered a new The Wall-Wizard of Oz… uh, thing.  In fact, though Burnsy and Chodin were swinging the big beef like always, Stone Soup was on fire.   

From the Iron Man Stuff From All Over thread: [Speaking of the U2-3D IMAX movie] "It’s just two hours of un-necessary zooms on Bono’s face as he screams ‘Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!’"   

From the Jesus is Taking a Dump thread: "But soft, what wind from yonder stall breaks?" [How could I deny a Shakespearian fart joke? -Ed.]

From the Twilight Cast Photo thread: "These douchebag vampires are awfully well groomed for creatures who can’t see themselves in the fucking mirror." [Sometimes it's not so much that he makes me laugh, it's that he makes me go, "How the hell did I not think of that?" Congratulations. Cocksucker. -Ed]

Nine out of ten weeks, this would’ve been the winner:

From the Dark Knight Trailer thread, affleckwasthebomb says, "It was probably Ledger’s idea.  He was like ‘I f*cked the brother, now I want to f*ck the sister, I’ll f*ck this whole family if it kills me.’…………it did. If you f*ck Gyllenhaals you will die." [I'd include a disclaimer about the views of my commenters not reflecting the views of the Editor here, but the truth is I would've said this if I'd thought of it. -Ed.]

And I would’ve picked this next one even if today wasn’t Cinco De Mayo.  Probably.  I dunno, could be the tequila talking:

From the Towelhead thread: Watanabex says, "I’m currently working on an independent movie called Beaner, about a family of mexican immigrants who work on their lowrider to get it low enough so they don’t have to bend over to pick strawberries." [You're free to laugh, hippies, he's Mexican -Ed.]

Chodin also crushed it, as per usual:

From the JD Salinger thread:"Further into his letter, J.D. Salinger writes: …alas, have you been playing this new Atari thing? It makes writing look so f*cking gay- hold on, let me pause this shit."  [Most surpising part of the comments in this post?  Jacktion! avoiding a "Outta weed?  Crap, call up Caufield, I bet he's Holden." joke. -Ed.]

From the Gary Busey on Prayer Hour thread: "Gary Busey once killed a dragon by throwing a unicorn at it."

Then there were the rape jokes.  How could there not be.

From God Tries to Stop G.I. Joe: bryce says,"I swear I’m starting to lose it.  I have a training course evaluation to fill out and I thought the last question was ‘How would you rape this course?’  I nearly started writing ‘on a pinball machine while my redneck buddies held it down…’"

From The Escapist: The Mighty Fek’lhr says, "Violent retaliation for rape?  What happened to crying in the shower???"

Couple more Salinger jokes…

Burnsy says, "In 60 years someone will buy a letter on eBay that reads: ‘Dor sho ga, Forshak dwellers, The Crystal Skull made Him shit His pants! QAPLAH!’" [Pretty esoteric, but it was hilarious for me and like six other people. -Ed.] 

Donkey Hodey says, "I’m auctioning off a text message that may or may not be from Salinger.  It reads ‘Leboof iz teh gay’"

Burnsy says, "Salinger’s MySpace name is J.DEEZNUTZ<3DeNeUvE**RIP~LIL HEM." [God I hope there's more reclusive writer news to report this week.]

Also:

From the Dark Knight and Batman Trailers Compared thread: RoboPanda says, "Another fact about this trailer:  It syncs up perfectly with ‘What What (in the butt)’ by Samwell."

From the prison movie thread: Eibmoz says, "I fell in love with my cell mate once. But when she started to decompose, so did the magic." [Score one for the FilmDrunkettes]

From Jim Carrey’s Balls: Charlie Bronze says, "Dear Diary: Spent 5 minutes studying a photo of Jim Carrey’s ballbag.  My life is fantastic.  Dear Dairy: Just the one pint of semi-skimmed tomorrow and half a dozen eggs if you’ve got ‘em."

From the Hamlet 2 Poster thread:  Donkey Hodey says,
"Laertes:  Man, bitches ain’t shit!
Rosencrantz:  I feel ya, man
Laertes: What the f*ck did you just say about my sister?
Guildenstern:  Chill out man, he said "I feel ya" not "Ophelia"
Laertes: Oh."

Damn, I must admit that for a bunch of tasteless poop-joke lovers, you guys really have a knack for the literary stuff.  You cracked me up.  Drunk On. 

Lots of people comment on FilmDrunk. But it takes a special sort not to say something lame, and an even specialer sort to say something tasteless enough to bring joy to my black, black heart. Each week, I honor those special Drunkards.  Nominate a funny comment for next week’s "Comments of the Week" here (post is hidden, so bookmark it). 

Congratulations folks – collectively, I believe this was your best week to date.  There was much gold to choose from, but in the end I had to go with Stone Soup for this gem in the Hulk Poster thread: [In reference to the poster at left]:

Excerpt from the Hulk’s blog:
HULK SAD 2DAY.  IT SEEM HULK LIFE POINTLESS.  EVERYDAY, SAME THING – WAKE UP, RIP CLOTHES, SMASH, MASTURBATE, SLEEP. 

WHERE THE MEANING?

What can I say, I’m a sucker for both all caps and for fictional characters talking about themselves in the third person.  Last week also saw an outbreak of "MJF" comments, which confused me until I realized it stood for Michael J. Fox.  But eventually I got it, and now I know what perverse bastards my commenters are.

[From the Beverly Hills Chihuahua thread] Chodin says, "Chihuahuas are like the Michael J. Foxes of the animal kingdom."
[From the Clone Wars thread]Chodin says, "MJF likes his food with tons of fucking salt."
[From the Clone Wars thread]Donkey Hodey says, "I heard that MJF’s computer password is aoihgpakjsgnvoawpngwpa;ogvopasjn."

See you in hell you sick, hilarious f*cks. Likewise, this next one wasn’t funny to me until I realized it was a reference to the second guy from the left.   

[From the Back to the Future thread] Stone Soup says, In related news, Biff Tannen is facing 12 years in a state penetentary for the attempted rape of Lorraine McFly (neé Baines), as California recently repealed the statute of limitations on sex crimes. One witness was quoted as saying "I really don’t remember much, except everything looked half red and half blue."

Cute – and good to know about the statute of limitations (hopefully that little bitch Ellen O’Connor is clever enough to keep her mouth shut). No context for this next one, but there really needn’t be any.

[From the Hip Hop Magician thread]: Okuma says, "If Juggalos have taught me anything, it’s that once you go clown, it brings our whole society down."

Way to go, rookie. *heterosexual ass pat*.  Not to be outdone, Pauly Dangerously locked up the hilarious racism award.

[From the Tokyo Gore Police thread] The Japanese remind me of Nuprin:
Little.
Yellow.
Different.

Watch out, creativity like that will get you booted from the Klan.  Also clever:

[From the 4 Fast 4 Furious thread] Rotwangchung says, Finally, the rec center gets a drive-thru.

‘Please pull up 2 the window and get served.’

And from the same thread: 

Donkey Hodey says, "If they do make another one, it will be named fa5t and furiou5."

First of all, don’t give them any ideas.  Secondly, did anyone else find themselves reading that with a lisp?  Moving on… As much as I want the Busey jokes to take a hiatus to avert their inevitable dursting, I couldn’t deny a couple great Busey facts.

[From the Busey in a Straitjacket thread] Jacktion! says, "Gary Busey’s straightjacket has four sleeves, just in case he grows more arms."
[Same thread] Chodin says, "Gary Busey always yells at owls, ‘ME !!!!’"

That last one would’ve been comment of the week if it hadn’t been Busey-related.  Regardless, Chodin’s currently on top in the commenter power rankings, for his ability to consistently drink my milkshake week in and week out (but I still love you, Fek).  Best of the rest:

[From the 4 Fast 4 Furious thread]Michelle07 says, "In related news, I’ve employed Tom Cruise’s Days of Thunder tactic "drafting" for when I walk on the streets here in NY. It enables me to expend less energy while the person I’m walking 1 inch behind deflects all of the wind resistance. Then when we get to a stop sign I can zoom around them. At that point I also like to jump and pivot my legs while screaming "TOKYO DRIFT" in their face.

[From the Forgetting Sarah Marshall thread] Michelle07 says, "Paul Rudd makes me think of unicorns under a rainbow doing it."

What can I say, the girl’s got a knack for the visuals.  And finally, Charlie Bronze puts baby in the corner with a comment that’s not necessarily funny, but has so many levels of esoteric meta that I’m at a loss to explain it.

[From the Breakfast Club thread] "My great unrequited love was a girl who loved Duran Duran. I still dream about her 20 years later. I may have to track her down and kill her look her up track her down and kill her."

Great work, commenters, keep bringing the funny.  Until next week, Drunk On. (And stay tuned, I’m working on creating a Drunkard-worthy prize for each week’s winner).