There’s plenty of news going around today about Hollywood’s latest remakes, sequels, sequels of remakes, reboots, and uncredited remakes of sequels, but I tend to enjoy this historical stuff a lot more. Thanks to the AV Club for digging up this classic video of Steven Spielberg watching the 1976 Oscar nominations, honoring the films of 1975, when he made Jaws, earning a Best Picture (but not Best Director) nomination. My favorite part of this is that Spielberg seems to be hanging out with a couple of gangster henchmen from the 30s. It’s a must-watch.

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Nothing special here, just a guy on YouTube playing the Jurassic Park theme on the melodica. Simple, yet brilliant. What do you guys think? I thought it was perfect. I swear, I closed my eyes and I thought there were dinosaurs in the room. I just sat there making the Spielberg Face the whole time. Awe-inspiring, I guess would be the best way to describe it.

[via this guy]

TOLDJA.com this morning is reporting that Steven Spielberg, fresh off an Oscar nom for his epic tale of a horse that had moxie, is close to signing a deal to direct a “a Braveheartish version of the Moses story” called Gods and Kings for Warner Bros.

“Him coming down the river, being adopted, leaving his home, forming an army, and getting the Ten Commandments,” an insider tells us. And despite the awesome screen possibilities of the parting of the Red Sea, the movie isn’t being contemplated in 3D. Warner Bros wants Spielberg to direct it with the gritty reality of Saving Private Ryan, which is considered a masterpiece redefining battle movies. ”There have been glossy versions of the Moses story but this would be a real warrior story,” an insider tells us. Insiders tell us the dialogue should consummate by the end of the month. Warner Bros wants to start production sometime in March or April of 2013.

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The guys from Gwar don’t return my calls anymore after I borrowed their giant fake-jizz squirting paper maché dildo and didn’t give it back, but apparently NextMovie doesn’t have that problem, because they got Oderus Urungus and Balsac the Jaws of Death to review Speilberg’s latest horsploitation film, War Horse. What follows is a review so accurate, AO Scott tried to slit his own wrists with a monogrammed letter opener in recognition of his own futility.

“War Horse is a great movie if you are a five-year-old girl who loves horses and has never seen a movie before.”

“I think they should change the name to Snore Horse.”

I’ve seen it, and I’m still embargoed (GWAR HEEDS NOT YOUR HUMAN EMBARGOES!), but I will say that those are probably the only two reviews you need.

[NextMovie]

And just for fun, here’s an old clip of Gwar on Joan Rivers, back when Oderus sounded like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog:

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Earlier today I sort of pissed and moaned about all the boring biopics Hollywood makes, but I don’t really include Spielberg’s upcoming Lincoln in that complaint, if only because MOTHERF*CKING TOP HATS ARE THE MOTHERF*CKING SH*T, SON. Anyway, thanks to the Richmond Times-Dispatch, we have this latest shot of Daniel Day-Lewis going full top hat with Señor Spielbergo. If I had to guess how it went down, I bet the incorrigible method actor Day-Lewis was in the middle of some big speech, like, “I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering…”

And Spielberg was like, “Hey, Rail-Splitter, could you just put in your goddamned lunch order already? The crew’s starving.”

That’s not an extra on Spielberg’s right, by the way, he has a special assistant who bayonets poor people any time they get too close.