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The magazine industry has been choking on giant horse balls lately, say industry experts, but ESPN has found the obvious solution: come out with a “body issue” and put Gina Carano topless on the cover. My favorite part of it is that there’s an ever-so-faint dusting of camel toe. Like they didn’t want it to reek of camel toe, so they just sort of sprayed the camel toe into the air and wafted it toward them. What’s that you say? This is a movie blog and not just a forum for my thoughts on camel toes? Oh, well, uh, she’s also going to be in that Steven Soderbergh spy movie, Knockout.
“My feeling was, If I don’t do this, somebody else will,” says the Oscar-winning director. “I felt, somebody is going to look at her and go, ‘She should be in a movie!’ And I felt like, Why shouldn’t I be the person saying that? If you start following the female mma fighters, Gina pops out pretty noticeably,” says Soderbergh [pointing to his boner]. “I’d been wanting to make a spy action film for a while, but hadn’t really determined what I was going to bring to it that would distinguish it. Then I thought, ‘Why don’t I just build it around her? She can actually break people in half.’ I was interested in doing something ultra-realistic.” [EmpireMag]
I love realism. Why just the other day my friend was telling me about his interview at the CIA. “So, Mr. Anderson,” they told him, “I see you already have a lot of experience as an analyst. Plus you’ve spent a lot of time in the field, and, you speak fluent Arabic. That’s all great. But I’m gonna be honest with you, there’s another candidate out there in a sports bra who promised to choke me until I jizz myself. I’m sure you understand.” And you know what? That candidate was me.
(Ask Matt to do his hilarious Jackie Chan impression. On second thought, don’t.)
Opening this weekend:
The Informant!
I like Matt Damon and Steven Soderbergh and this looks pretty good, but I refuse to see it until they stop shouting the title at me. I’m not deaf, butthole.
Jennifer’s Body
Is this the one with Megan Fox in it? I hadn’t heard. …MEGAN FOX TOPLESS BUTTSEX GOOGLE UPSKIRT PICS!!
Love Happens
Love happens, sh’t happens, Jennifer Aniston happens, paint dries, death, taxes, women be shoppin’. What were we talking about again?
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Nothing against kid movies — hell, sometimes they’re good. But this one seems… uninspired. But the critics seem to like it. My favorite was this guy, who writes, “Meatballs, steaks, spaghetti, ice cream and candy are falling from the sky. You just described my version of heaven!” Ahh, fat people. Don’t ever stop being the butt of jokes.
People Magazine reports that Steven Soderbergh has cast the principals in his Liberace biopic: Michael Douglas as Liberace, and for his lover? MMMMAAATT DAAAAAMON.
“We’ve already done some costume and wardrobe tests on Michael, and they’re very, very, very good.” Soderbergh told a French newspaper at the Deauville Film Festival. “I swear to you, Michael amazed me. He crushed it.”
Damon, Soderbergh said, has agreed to portray Scott Thorson, the assistant/boyfriend whose 1982 palimony suit for $110 million publically outed the entertainer.
Before he died in 1987, Liberace would sue for libel any publication that implied he was gay, including The Daily Mirror, who had to pay him $22,400 for calling him “fruit-flavoured” in 1956*. My question: when the same guy later gets sued for palimony by his boyfriend and dies of AIDs, shouldn’t his estate have to pay the money back? Really, this picture should’ve been all the proof they needed:
I’m assuming the giant “S” ring stood for “Scott.”
*full, awesome quote: “…the summit of sex—the pinnacle of masculine, feminine, and neuter. Everything that he, she, and it can ever want… a deadly, winking, sniggering, snuggling, chromium-plated, scent-impregnated, luminous, quivering, giggling, fruit-flavoured, mincing, ice-covered heap of mother love.”
(In retrospect, “Cutie McPretty” wasn’t the most intimidating nickname)
The last we heard about Rampage playing BA Baracus in the A-Team movie, The Sun had reported he’d been cast, then his publicist denied it. His casting has since been de-facto confirmed as he pulled out (and Rampage hates pulling out) of his fight at UFC 107 so he could film the movie. Which prompted a typical reaction from UFC president and awesome cuss-word-user Dana White:
“I hate it with a [expletive] passion…You’re a fighter; you’re not a movie star. It’s so [expletive] funny because fighters want to be movie stars, and movie stars want to act like they’re fighters. Get a [expletive] grip. You’re a fighter, and you’re (not) a [expletive] movie star. Alright?” [via Fightlinker]
Someone once gave the same speech to Kate Hudson. In sexier news, Steven Soderbergh has cast Gina Carano in his aptly titled “Knockout,” which makes me worry that she won’t have time to film the movie I wrote for her, “Rear Naked Choke.” (It’s autobiographical).
At this rate my next headline will just be “PENIS PENIS VAGINA.” Anyway, looks like Brad Pitt/Steven Soderbergh’s adaptation of Moneyball, which Sony head Amy Pascal shelved three days before it was supposed to start shooting, will be moving forward without Steven Soderbergh. Pascal reportedly didn’t like Soderbergh’s idea to shoot documentary-style recreations of events from the non-fiction book using the real people involved. Aaron Sorkin (your parents’ Joss Whedon) has been hired to do a re-write.
The writer has been brought on to do a draft of the baseball drama, drawing on Steve Zaillian’s earlier take. The studio wants to move forward quickly with the new iteration, with Sorkin set to turn in his version as soon as next month. [THR]
It sounded like Steven Soderbergh had an idea to try something different, rather than going the usual studio route of trying to crowbar non-fiction reporting into a conventional narrative, a lá Fast Food Nation, and it sucks that we’ll never get to see it. But when it comes right down to it, this is still a book about baseball stats, which is right up there with Jon and Kate and American Idol on my list of things I absolutely, positively couldn’t give less of a sh-t about.
