Bros! Remember when DP and Dasher were trying to finger cuff Buttsex Lindsay after the DG slave auction, but the whole thing got shut down when Asian Steve hit that waiter with a pint glass and got tazed by the cops because he was still butthoused from tequila sunrise? And we almost lost our charter because we were still on probation from when those Pike homos ratted us out during the pledge retreat goat roast? Well think of how crazy that was and double it, because now Anchorman 2 has a teaser, and this time it’s the legit version, like the Mercedes I got from Stinky’s uncle’s dealership, not the crappy knock-off version we had before, like those counterfeit Macbooks Boner got busted for selling. Well? What are you waiting for? HOUSE THAT SH*T, YOU FAGG*TS, CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! You’re never getting my sig if you keep drinking like a single mother. OPEN YOUR THROAT, PUSSY, THIS AIN’T NURSING SCHOOL! I swear to God I’ll ding your entire pledge class if I have to. We’ve done it before, ask Chode.

"PAYCHECKS!"

Ever since Will Ferrell, er, Ron Burgundy confirmed on Conan that the Channel 4 News Team would once again assemble for a sequel, bros and dudes have been flashing back to 2004 with pure joy and excitement. Now that we also know that The Dictator – in theaters everywhere today – will feature the first Anchorman 2 teaser in the previews, we might as well just go ahead and open the floodgates and start repeating every classic line from the original film.

But wait – you may be wondering, “Will Anchorman 2 feature all the same hilarious vintage styles and costumes of the first film?” Worry not, ladies. Anchorman 2 has a new poster and the answer to your question is “Whale’s vagina jazz flute I pooped a squirrel hand grenade toilet store.”

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It’s been rumored many times over the years, but last night, Will Ferrell showed up on Conan O’Brien in character as Ron Burgundy (video below) to officially announce that Paramount has greenlit a sequel to 2004′s Anchorman (and to shred some tasty licks on the flute). Ahh, 2004. We were so innocent then.

“As of 0900 Mountain Time, Paramount Pictures and myself, Ronald Joseph Aaron Burgundy, have come to terms on a sequel to Anchorman.”

Nikki Finke from TOLJDA.com, who says she used to own a complete set of Anchorman bobbleheads (wait, what?) adds:

The comedy Anchorman 2 will be produced under mogul Judd Apatow’s banner with Will Ferrell’s and Adam McKay’s Gary Sanchez Productions. McKay will direct as well as write the script with Will Ferrell who will star again as Ron Burgundy along with the 2004 original’s castmembers Steve Carell and Paul Rudd and David Koechner. [Deadline]

I’m trying to come up with a comedy sequel that was any good, and I can’t think of anything, but a movie with Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, and Steve Carell all in it is guaranteed to be worth at least a few laughs and quotes (wait, Will Ferrell wasn’t in Dinner for Schmucks, right? Okay, good, I stand by my previous statement). So I guess they might as well be dressed like 70s TV anchors when they do it. No word on whether any of the minor characters like Wes Mantooth will return (DOROTHY MANTOOTH WAS A SAINT!). Damn, I tried to get through this entire post without a single Anchorman quote and I couldn’t do it. LOUD NOISES! Anyway, I imagine getting Vince Vaughn signed these days involves some heated negotiations over what will be provided at craft services. The man’s not picky about his roles, but he’s Mussolini when it comes to rolls.

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I clicked play on the trailer for Seeking a Friend at the End of the World (the directorial debut of Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist screenwriter Lorene Scafaria), prepared to see Steve Carell slumming it in yet another mediocre broad comedy, but instead it opened with a catchy plot – the mission to save Earth has failed, there’s an asteroid on a collision course with Earth and everyone has three weeks to live – then our buddy Rob Huebel showed up, and by the time Patton Oswalt arrived as a boozy dude drinking wine straight from a carafe at an end-of-the-world booze orgy, I had already glee-fainted and was leaking saliva on the linoleum. Excuse me for saying, but this looks really good! Oops, I don’t often use exclamation points, as I consider them campy and effeminate. GRRR, FOOTBALL.

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Burt Wonderstone is currently shooting in Las Vegas, with veteran TV director Don Scardino working from a script by John Francis Daley (the mouth-breather kid from Freaks and Geeks) and Jonathan Goldstein (Horrible Bosses). In the film, which I assume will be like a sitcommy version of The Prestige, Steve Carell and Jim Carrey play dueling magicians. Which I suppose would explain why Jim Carrey is dressed like Johnny Depp on an average day.

[pic source = MovieWeb, SocialiteLife]