I know this means I won’t get to sit at the cool kids table anymore, but I like Tina Fey and Steve Carell. I love 30 Rock (as long as Kenneth or Judah Friedlander and his stupid effing hats aren’t on screen), I think her writing is spot-on 80% of the time, and Steve Carell is just one of those guys who’d have to try really hard to be unlikable. So what happens when you put them both in the same movie? Well, if it’s a Fox movie, it means you get mother-in-law jokes, people hitting their heads, and sound effects lifted from the wacky morning zoo. Oh yeah, it’s called Date Night. It was directed by Night at the Museum’s Shawn Levy, who usually makes kids’ movies, but lucky for him Fox execs can’t tell the difference. Oh hey look, they gave Olivia Munn a two-second cameo. You know, I can think of a few good ways for Olivia Munn to spend a couple seconds.
(*bike horn*)
Our thoughts exactly, Olivia. [available in HD at Apple]
I thought the first trailer for Universal’s CGI, 3D animated Despicable Me was interesting because it didn’t give away too much of the plot. Then again, I forgot it almost as soon as I posted it so what do I know. This is the second trailer, which seems to have a completely different plot than the first. This one makes it seem like it’s about Steve Carell’s villain character, Gru (who apparently speaks with a Russian accent the whole time), and his rivalry with a better super villain; the last one seemed to be about Gru’s plan to steal the world’s monuments. Then there’s the synopsis about Gru adopting some orphan girls. But it’s all more or less irrelevant because there’s a nut shot in the trailer, and you know my rule about nut shots in the trailer. Nut shots in the trailer are up there with the presence of Cam Gigandet when it comes to surefire predictors of a movie’s suckitude.
Also familiar with nut shots in a trailer? Your mom. (Because she lives in a trailer, you see.)
RELATED ASYLUM POLL: What’s the best computer animated film for adults?
(In this year’s Caricature of a White Person contest, Carell was simply outclassed.)
If there’s one thing former SI columnist (or possibly current, who can even tell nowadays) Rick Reilly knows, it’s horrible puns that ruin your day and make you sad about life. His latest day ruiner is the title of his novel, Missing Links, a “golf” “comedy” that’s soon to be a movie starring Steve Carell.
Reilly’s 1997 comedic novel tells of the group of bumblers who, after playing for years at a run-down municipal golf course in a working-class Boston neighborhood, concoct a series of schemes that they hope will lead to them teeing off at a nearby elite club.
Carell will produce via his Carousel Prods banner, “The Break-Up” scribe Jay Lavender is writing the screenplay, with Carell loosely attached to star. [THR]
Reilly last dabbled in movies when he wrote the screenplay for Leatherheads, which wasn’t so much “funny” or “good” as it was “diarrhea-inducingly cutesy.” And I say that with a staunch record of being willing to drink (Leatherheads director) George Clooney’s bathwater. Now Reilly wants us to sit through a movie about guys whose ultimate goal is to play at a nicer golf course. Reached for comment, Jon Heder and Conan O’Brien said, “F-ck, that’s the whitest idea I’ve ever heard.” The worst part is, with a title like Missing Links, an unfrozen caveman golfer script practically writes itself. Shame on you, Rick Reilly.
(Daddy, why do they use communion wine to test the mattresses?)
Variety repots that Zach Galifianakis is in negotiations to join the cast of director Jay Roach’s upcoming comedy Dinner for Schmucks. The flick would team Galifianakis opposite Steve Carell, Paul Rudd and Lucy Punch. Per Variety:
Based on the 1998 French film written and directed by Francis Veber, “Schmucks” centers on the most pathetic guest to ever grace one man’s weekly dinner gathering. Galifianakis will play an assistant manager of a mattress store who is dating Carell’s ex-wife.
Hang on, did you just say “assistant manager of a mattress store”? Sweet, that’s exactly what the girl in my basement and I thought you said. Personally, I can’t think of a more simplistic-yet-effective character description than to say that someone is the assistant manager of a mattress store. You see, several years ago, when I arrived by ship to Los Angeles, I was excited at the possibilities of what lay before my fellow minorities and I. But what we eventually failed to receive in opportunity, the city of L.A. more than compensated for with it’s over saturation of mattress super stores and their advertisements. Seriously, after 8:00pm on Hollywood Boulevard, you can score a California King almost as easily as crack rock.
(Update: I put the trailer after the jump to make the page load faster)
Pixar consistently blows my mind with their stories and melts my face off with their animation, while the rest of the animation world does 15 variations on chihuahuas eating tacos and kangaroos that box. But this trailer for Despicable Me (from Universal and Illumination Entertainment) looks promising. If only because it kept making me go “Wha?” and I still don’t know what it’s about. Here’s the official rundown:
In a happy suburban neighborhood surrounded by white picket fences with flowering rose bushes, sits a black house with a dead lawn. Unbeknownst to the neighbors, hidden beneath this home is a vast secret hideout. Surrounded by a small army of minions, we discover Gru planning the biggest heist in the history of the world. He is going to steal the moon, yes, the moon. Gru delights in all things wicked. Armed with his arsenal of shrink rays, freeze rays, and battle-ready vehicles for land and air, he vanquishes all who stand in his way. Until the day he encounters the immense will of three little orphaned girls who look at him and see something that no one else has ever seen: a potential Dad. [Yahoo]
Aw, how cute, it’s a metaphor for dating a stripper. I stuff my dollars inside the hole in their heart.
