Friday Free For All is that time of the week when I post videos that may or may not be timely, newsworthy, or relevant. Because only people who HATE AMERICA work hard on the Friday before 4th of July. Heh, I said ‘hard on’. Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com
A lot of people don’t remember that Ben Affleck played Aaron Henry in Lifestories: Families in Crisis in the episode Body to Die for: The Aaron Henry Story. It’s a shame, because as you can see, this is some of his finest work. This is TV, and we want kids to not do steroids. Sure, we could show him prematurely balding or getting a little back acne, but we really have to sell it, and make sure no kids will ever want to do steroids. So he has to punch a woman, put his fist through a wall, smash a mirror (symbolism!), dislocate his shoulder, pour the rest of his steroids (which look suspiciously like Tums) down his throat, smash his chair, tear his room apart, have a flashback, and crumble to the floor in a heap. Of course, they don’t show the part where he becomes really good at football and can finally compete with black guys. For that you have to watch The Program.
For extra credit, check out the Benny Hill version after the jump. Thanks to Tony for the tip.
Today we’ve got yet another behind-the-scenes video from the set of The Expendables, Sly Stallone’s muscular-old-men-grunting movie with Schwarzenegger, Lundgren, Rourke, Li, Trejo, Statham, and Couture. We get to see Sly doing some directing, and by directing I mean making gun sounds with his mouth, all while wearing that same v-neck/tight jeans combo he’s had on in every publicity photo so far. He also has bulging neck veins and talks in a super growly voice, which I’m sure has nothing to do with taking massive amounts of steroids and HGH. It’s perfectly normal for a 62-year-old man. Why, just the other day my dad tore a phonebook in half and picked up my mom by her throat when she spilled his ensure shake.
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See? I told you The Wrestler was realistic. The guy who played a steroid dealer in the movie was arrested yesterday in a steroid bust that “ended in a violent chase.” Just like my dates.
Federal prosecutors in Manhattan accused Scott Siegel of leading Drug Enforcement Administration agents and local police on a car chase worthy of an action flick.
Was it like the new Bond? Maybe the cops’ vision kept cutting to a shaky closeup of the guy’s shoe.
Prosecutors said investigators had seized 1,500 bottles labeled as anabolic steroids and tens of thousands of dollars in cash during searches of Siegal’s home and that of his parents.
Authorities had Siegel under surveillance as part of a steroid-trafficking investigation. On Wednesday night, officers staking out his parent’s town house in a gated development in Westchester County spotted him getting out of his car carrying a brown box, court papers said.
Siegel spotted the officers unmarked vehicle, walked over and commented on their car before driving away, the papers said. When he returned a short time later, several police vehicles converged on his car. In the ensuing pursuit, he smashed through a fence and rammed three police cars and two DEA cars, “apparently intentionally,” the court papers said.
When cornered, Siegel again smashed into police cars and aimed his car at one of the officers who was on foot “in an apparent attempt to run him over,” the paper said. He eventually tried to flee on foot before officers finally grabbed him, the papers added. [AP]
It’s strange, steroid users are usually characterized by their level-headedness. I’ve got video of Siegel being led away in cuffs after the jump, and in case you were wondering whether he’s wearing an Ed Hardy shirt… of course he’s wearing an Ed Hardy shirt. Take that, Affliction.
Bigger, Stronger, Faster* is a documentary by Chris Bell (trailer after the jump), a guy whose other credits include writing WWF Raw is War in 1997. I can only imagine that involved sitting around a table going, “Okay, how ‘bout The Rock adopts a bulldog puppy and then Stone Cold Steve Austin shows up and runs it over in his truck? I mean, there’s definitely gonna be a Peoples’ Elbow, but it’d be nice if it had some backstory, you know what I mean?”
Anyway, the movie premiered at Sundance, but doesn’t appear to have a theatrical release date set. If the trailer is any indication, this will go further than the normal Drugs Are Bad, Mmm’Kay? discourse in which steroids are normally discussed.
I mean, I hope it will. Because every time you do a bad piece about steroids, Sylvester Stallone rips an angel’s wings off. … LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!
Sly Stallone says he used HGH (Human Growth Hormone) to help him get buff for Rambo and he thinks there’s nothing wrong with that.
“HGH (human growth hormone) is nothing,” the 61-year-old actor tells Time magazine in its Feb. 4 issue. “Anyone who calls it a steroid is grossly misinformed.”
Indeed. I don’t think the doctors would dispute you on that one.
“Testosterone [which is a steroid] to me is so important for a sense of well-being when you get older,” he says. “Everyone over 40 years old would be wise to investigate it because it increases the quality of your life. Mark my words. In 10 years it will be over the counter.”
Stallone added, “Until then, I’ll have to keep buying it from a Mexican on the internet. He’s wearing a stethoscope in his picture!” 
When pressed further, Stallone pulled the reporter’s arms off.
As her screaming subsided and the blood pooled on the floor, my mind repeated a familiar refrain, “When you’re pushed, killin’s as easy as breathin’.”
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