I don’t know what’s worse, that people ‘liked’ a Stephenie Meyer quote more than Mark Twain, or that they liked a Stephenie Meyer quote basically quoting Third Eye Blind lyrics.  “I have this crazy idea about a lover who’s like a drug.”  “That’s weird, have you been listening to every pop song ever?” [Reddit via DailyWhat]

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• From the ever-smoochable Chodin: Demons Out: The Internet’s Most Outrageous Exorcism Videos. |Uproxx|

• This week’s Comments of the Week prize is The League on Blu-Ray, so bring your A-Games. |CotW|

• Who’s The Bigger Threat, Alligators or Street Musicians? |UproxxNews|

• Here’s Justin Bieber attempting to act.  First Nickelback, now this? You’re on thin ice, Canada. |WarmingGlow|

• Some scientists are teaching robots to use deception.  STOP DOING THAT. |GammaSquad|

• Whiteboy remakes Tupac’s remake of a whiteboy song. Now it’s twice as emo. |SmokingSection|

• Peter King and the quotable Jethro Miggins, Tennessee’s most important philosopher. |KSK|

• G4 reviews the hot new video game, Halo Reach. |G4|

• The 10 Most Stylish Fictional Gangsters of All Time. |TheSmokingJacket|

• True story: Marilyn Manson is a die-hard Eastbound and Down fan. |UnrealityMag|

• The Five Celebrities Who Probably Smell the Worst. Does Lemmy from Motörhead not count as a celebrity? ‘Cause that guy reeks.  |NERRRRDS!|

• Insane Clown Posse’s Tips For A Multifaceted Life. |UGO|

• The most badass demons on film. |ScreenJunkies|

• Six threats to San Luis Obispo besides pedobear.  (Chuck Liddell?) |HolyTaco|

You think that’s something, Tarantino did the same trick with an albino and a huge pile of coke. It was awesome.  After that we fist pumped.|AfternoonSnoozeButton|

(Dude, tell your mom to get off my bed.)

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been sitting in your nest of cats all morning, quietly rubbing your home-made Bella womb made of felt. wondering whether Breaking Dawn will be the last of the Twilight films.  ”Why, it can’t end with a werewolf falling in love with a telepathic vampire fetus, there must be more!” you probably thought to yourself.  Well you’re in luck, because according to the latest rumor, Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight spinoff, The Second Short Life of Bree Tanner is coming to big screens.  That’s right, this money train can keep on a-rolling as long as Stephenie Meyer can keep coming up with generic white chick names.  

Says Australia’s WhatsPlaying:

Consider this nothing more than a rumour – if only because our source, though seemingly on the level and able to provide sufficient information to pass the BS detector, is a first-time scooper.

According to the tipster, who works in licensing, Stephenie Meyer’s book The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner – released in March – is headed to the big screen. Tanner, of course, is a character that popped up ever-so-briefly in this year’s The Twilight Saga : Eclipse. Tanner is the newborn that surrenders to Carlisle and is killed by Jane at the end of the book [Spoiler?  I have no idea.].

So yes, still a rumor, but given that the Twilight Saga has made Summit roughly twelve gajillion dollars, the fact that they’d want to adapt Stephenie Meyer’s newest Twilight book is about as obvious as it gets without a tack hammer.  And in fact, I’ve heard Meyer’s latest is good.  I’ve heard it’s very good.  I’ve heard it’s so good, it was scary.  I haven’t read it, but I did have some favorite moments from Wikipedia’s plot synopsis:
Read the rest of this entry »

Remember the super-hip pastor who said “Avatar is Satan?”  Well he’s back, and this time he’s not too pleased with Twilight, or any of the other supernatural romance books trying to piggyback on Twilight‘s success.  It may be a churchy abstinence parable to begin with, but it’s still a MORMON abstinence parable full of vampires. Fundamentalists bashing books is nothing new, and it makes perfect sense — the more well-versed in narrative device and metaphor you become, the more a strictly literal interpretation of the bible starts to seem like a less-good idea. And of course the fringe Christians have been always been down on anything with vampires or sorcery (see also: Harry Potter).  But I can’t help it, this guy is legitimately fascinating.

For one thing, it’s fun to hear him refer to Edward, Bella, and Jacob as “the beast, the false prophet, and the antichrist.” (Team Antichrist!)  For another, while he may not make any new or interesting points about why reading a book about vampires is bad, he’s oddly adept at “the rant”, and has solid comedic timing for a guy who’s crazy.  He’s actually funny if you ignore the basic logic of the things he says.

“That means you’re consulting with dead people!  It’s about sorcery, witchcraft, divination, wicca… dead people!  You know what? Dead people don’t talk to you!”

Haha, very true, Douche Kazoo, very true.  I’m with you so far…

“Demons pretend to be dead people!”

“Dead people don’t talk, that would be ridiculous!  Clearly it’s demons from hell using the dead people like microphones.”  Phew, good thing we cleared that up.  Hey demon, pass that sh*t, Kirk Cameron wants to sing “It’s Rainin’ Men.”

(Out of place? Sure, maybe, but that positive attitude is why he’s such a successful businessman.)

Tom Barrack is a real estate big-shot who runs some big deal investment firm, Colony Capital.  He recently sent a memo to his employees urging them to consider outside points of view.  Barrack used by way of example a story about a lonely evening he spent on a yacht in Turkey after a canceled business meeting* in which he had absolutely nothing to do and decided to read Twilight.  The memo is interesting, mainly because, unlike Stephenie Meyer, Barrack is a good writer. It’s a little long, but worth a read:

Here is my macho take – Stephanie Meyer is a total genius. As I flipped through the pages I was startled by the lack of detailed description of Bella and the surgical and illuminating development of Edward. As hard as I tried I could not really picture Bella, but I was grabbed by Edward’s character – gorgeous, super human, super strong, super fast and most importantly encompassing the wisdom of a 109-year-old man in the guise of a 17-year-old boy.

The description of Bella on the other hand, was not moving, or compelling. What I realized is the genius of Stephanie was that she knew that by keeping the character generic, any and every woman could climb inside and picture herself in Bella’s shoes. Thus the fascination and deep emotional reactions to what many (including myself) thought was a foolish teenage trashy novel.

Read the rest of this entry »

You have to figure a movie that gets mentioned during a congressional hearing would make a c*ntload of dough, and you’d be right.  Being an abstinence parable doesn’t mean you have to abstain from cash money, son. According to early estimates, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse has bumped Dark Knight down a notch on the list of biggest opening days.  In a related story, Dark Knight is now covered in cat fur.

Summit Entertainment’s The Twilight Saga: Eclipse earned an estimated $68.5 million its first day which is a new record for a Wednesday opening, surpassing previous record holder Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen ($62 million). The third installment debuted in a record 4,416 theaters.
While the opening day is not as big as The Twilight Saga: New Moon‘s record of $72.7 million, if the estimate holds it would still be the second-best single day and opening day ever and would knock The Dark Knight ($67.2 million) to third. [ComingSoon]

New Moon eventually topped out at $709.9 million worldwide, while Dark Knight went on to gross more than a billion dollars, in much the same way that a Twihard can lift a bus if there’s a sandwich under it, but tire after walking up a few stairs.   I kid, I kid.  In any case, Stephenie Meyer was said to be flattered by the huge opening, writing, “It’s a very big opening day.  Our opening day was massive.  It was so big, it was scary.”

Descriptive!

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Under what circumstances would you watch Twilight?