(”Aw, but he does, honey. You just have to hold the turkey baster up to the sunlight.”)
Remember how Forks, Washington became a tourist attraction because Twilight was set there? Well now the same thing is happening to Volterra, Italy, a setting of New Moon. The Volturi scenes in the movie were actually shot in Montepulciano, but these are fans of an abstinent, vegetarian vampire we’re talking here.
On a college break, American teenager Kiersten Kunke and her friend, Canadian Stephanie Regier, plot their version of an Italian Grand Tour. On their must-see list: Florence, Venice, Rome — and Volterra?
This small Tuscan city with an ancient Etruscan history has become a cult destination among traveling teenagers and people in their 20s (not to mention some vampire-loving mothers), thanks to Twilight.
Kunke, 19, found Volterra on a map as soon as she read New Moon. “I was like, I have to go there,” says the native of Portland, Ore. “It was just one of those things I had to do.” [Like the freshman 15. -Ed.]
The only English speakers in a group of Italian Twilight fans, Kunke and Regier giggle and snap photos in Volterra’s narrow alleys, trying to scare each other. “Omigod, is that a bat?” Kunke says.
Riolo leads the tour into a dark building, where they walk down a clammy staircase. Waiting at the bottom: two cloaked men and a small woman, all deathly pale. “The Volturi!” Regier gasps.
The vampires walk silently among the tourists, pulling “victims” up on a stone table. The girls huddle closer together. “This is creepy,” Kunke whispers — before a vampire grabs Regier. As he attempts to bite her, she dissolves into laughter.
After the tableau, the tour-goers relive their New Moon moments over drinks. Turns out that the actors who played the Volturi are members of Compagnia della Fortezza — a theater troupe of convicts named after Volterra’s Medici-era fortress-turned-prison. [USAToday]
Man, how awesome would it be if one of these chicks obsessed with chaste, sparkling white, pussy-whipped vampires ended up getting raped by a real-life Italian convict? Aw crap, did I just wish rape on someone? I promised my shrink I’d try to do that less this week.
[picture source: Buzzfeed]
So here’s that new clip from Twilight: New Moon that went up on iTunes today. In this one, Bella Swan (no seriously, that’s the character’s actual name) has a falling out with her chaste, sparkling white vampire boyfriend and has to go live in the woods with the ethnic temptation wolves. You know how the minorities are, all passionate and hot blooded and spicy, listening to their loud music on the corners and all turning into giant wolves when they get angry. To be honest, I’m actually thinking of seeing this movie now, it looks kind of awesome. It has wolves the size of buffalo. The only thing that could make it better? You guessed it, bearsharktopus.
Check out Hot Topic’s brand new Twilight: New Moon collection. Back when I used to hang out at the mall, Hot Topic was the store for goth kids, which is why it seems weird that they’d be selling Twilight clothes now, because from what I remember, goths weren’t into abstinence. In practice, certainly, but as a theoretical concept, no. I also find it strange that abstinence vampires and ethnic temptation wolves get the same t-shirt treatment as fake wrestling guys. GRRR, MEANINGFUL GLANCE FROM THE TOP ROPE!*
They also have chunky charm bracelets, perfect for the fat-wristed. Er, husky-limbed. Anyway, toss one in the rascal on the way down to the food court there, lardy. Meanwhile, this fetching Edward Cullen hoody comes in dazzling, Salt Lake City Caucasian, and goes perfectly with this necklace you can put your coke in. And finally, don’t forget your “authentic prop replica jewelry” which contains no gold, but is truly the gold standard in oxymoronicness.
Scene It? is a DVD trivia game which tests your knowledge of movies and pop culture. They’ve just released a special edition, Twilight version of the game, which promises to test your knowledge… of ONE MOVIE.
Scene It? Twilight Deluxe Edition features hundreds of heart-stopping clips, trivia questions, and on-screen puzzlers from the Twilight movie phenomenon! Experience customized mini-games and bonus activities that are unique to Scene It? Twilight. They will challenge your observation, memory, and puzzle-solving skills. This game will quench players’ thirsts for more Bella, Edward, Jacob, and the gang, while reliving favorite Twilight moments again and again! [via]
Some of the rejected questions include:
(via Kotaku, thanks to BraveSrRobin for the tip)
Twilight Saga: New Moon just released three new posters, and the clear winner is awkward eye contact. The posters feature the Cullens, Dakota Fanning’s Volturi (GRR, VAMPIRE POLICE!), and those greasy ethnic werewolves who specialize in shapeshifting and tempting white women, respectively. But in each case, their direct gaze seems to say, “I desperately want to eyeball f’ck you, but you’ll have to settle for eye-blowjobs until we’re married. It’s much sexier this way, no?”
Meanwhile, the creeper award goes to the guy in the top right corner of the Cullen poster. Jesus he’s scary. It looks like he’s been taking acting lessons from the Fame kid. Make love to the camera! Yes! Yes! Now, put your jazz hands down its pants!
[via Yahoo]
