Someone in Hollywood gets paid to sit behind a desk or walk around like a dick with a Bluetooth ear piece and convince producers and directors that Stephen Dorff should still get jobs. And that’s fine, because if it weren’t for him, then good actors like Boo Boo Stewart wouldn’t have to put effort into being so damn good. God, I love you, Boo Boo.

Dorff’s latest project is Carjacked, as he’ll star opposite Maria Bello and her giant bush. Bello will play a single baby mama… sorry, I’m suffering from C-Tate relapse this morning… Bello will play a single mom traveling with her child when Dorff (DORFF!) enters her life as a – wait for it – carjacker. He takes them on a ride they’ll never forget. It’s like Panic Room meets Are We There Yet. Bring the whole family for this nonstop ride of suspense. Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Sorry, I applied for an internship with Pete Hammond today.

Don’t forget that the gas pedal sticks and the backseat smells like farts, Variety:

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Steefen Dorff believes in nussing, Lebowski.

I was never a fan of Lost in Translation.  It was okay.  It had moments.  But I hated everyone creaming their pants over it.  To me there’s a difference between “subtlety” and “look at me, I’m rich and white and I think actually choosing an angle on the material is fascist because I went to art school.” But it looked nice, and had at least two really good scenes.  ANYWAY, this is the trailer for Sofia Coppola’s latest, Somewhere.

Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff) is a bad-boy actor stumbling through a life of excess at the Chateau Marmont Hotel in Hollywood. With an unexpected visit from his 11-year-old daughter (Elle Fanning), Johnny is forced to look at the questions we must all confront.

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Oh my gosh, you guys, this is so awesome I almost spilled espresso on my scarf when I read it: Sofia Coppola is doing a movie about the Chateau Marmont! I can’t wait to tell everyone at the food co-op!

The writer-director who shot her “Lost in Translation” at the Park Hyatt in Tokyo, will set her next film at the iconic Chateau Marmont in Hollywood. Stephen Dorff and Elle Fanning [yes, Dakota’s sister] will star in the Focus Features dramedy “Somewhere,” which Coppola penned. Story centers on a bad-boy actor stumbling through a life of excess at the Chateau Marmont. With an unexpected visit from his 11-year-old daughter, he is forced to reexamine his life. The filmmaker, who said she has been looking to make “an intimate story set in contemporary Los Angeles,” received permission to shoot at the hotel, which has become notorious in recent years as a popular address for tabloid-friendly celebs. [Variety]

I already know how this will go down: a collection of dreamy party scenes that will seem funny at first, but with a creeping sense of decadence.  Then, just when we start to really hone in on the protagonist’s pathos, he’ll share a long, meaningful glance with his daughter and the movie will end.  It will deny you catharsis, but that was, like, the point.  She really wanted to challenge the audience, you know?  I loved how she totally, like, resisted the temptation to cheapen the emotions with “plot.”  It wasn’t all “slick” and “Hollywood.”  She really nailed the subtleness and the nuance.

[picture source = lookatthisf*ckinghipster.com - thanks, Burnsy]

The road to obscurity can be lonely.  That’s why Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff use the buddy system.

They both star in Felon, a prison movie directed by Ric Roman Waugh, who’s known more for his stunt work, which is probably why the movie is so heavy on the fighting.  It looks like a cross between Oz and Never Back Down.  I went to prison once, but no one messed with me because I kept my hair slicked back and a pack of cigarettes rolled up in my sleeve.  Plus I had a really great singing voice.  

Also starring Jermaine Washington as "Large Black Inmate". 

Public Enemies is director Michael Mann’s (Heat, Collateral, Miami Vice) latest project, and it marks the eagerly anticipated return of Stephen Dorff, whose performance in Feardotcom inspired a generation.  Johnny Depp and Christian Bale are in it too.

Opening July 1st 2009, the film follows the feds’ attempt to fight the crime wave of the 1930s.  Depp plays John Dillinger, Christian Bale plays FBI agent Melvin Purvis.  Collider has a batch of new pictures from the set, including these gems of Johnny Depp’s balls. 

It’s funny, my grandpa wears that exact same style of pants.  I think they may have been about belly-button high like Depp’s when he bought them, but as he shrinks with age he shows no desire to switch to a smaller size, and these days they hang about armpit level.  Pretty soon he’s just gonna have to cut some eyeholes below the belt line. Unless he decides to just look out the fly since he usually leaves it unzipped anyway.  God, I can’t wait ’til I’m old.