The New York Times recently ran a piece on the long road to development for The Green Hornet, and aside from the fact that the writer at one point used the word “bromantic” (f*cking clean it up, NY Times), there were some interesting tidbits.  Like Nic Cage wanting to play the villain with a Jamaican accent, but we’ll get to that.

“The Green Hornet” languished in development until 1997, when the French music video wizard Michel Gondry [who once painted me a tranny with a bottle in its butt -Ed] was hired for what was to be his feature film directorial debut. Though the lead was offered to Mark Wahlberg, Mr. Gondry said his first choice was Vince Vaughn.

Mr. Gondry and the “Robocop” screenwriter Edward Neumeier reimagined the story as a futuristic fantasy. “Our villain ate human hearts,” Mr. Gondry recalled. Their villain met his end after swallowing a pacemaker. “The Green Hornet killed him with a microwave oven,” said Mr. Gondry. “The studio said it had ‘creative differences’ with us, so the film was shelved.”

Then the studio wanted Kung Fu Hustle‘s Steven Chow to direct, but that didn’t work out either:

Mr. Rogen and his frequent writing collaborator Evan Goldberg hopped aboard in 2007, drafting their own script when Columbia picked up the option. Hong Kong’s Chow was recruited to direct, but he too had creative differences.

“Stephen wanted Kato to implant a microchip in Britt’s brain and control him with a joystick,” Mr. Rogen said. “Maybe they’re doing that in China, and I’m not aware of it. I don’t read the newspapers as much as I should.”

Rogen later stretched his face back, adding, “Oh rooky heel, me rikey video game!”

Anyway, I know you came here for crazy Nic Cage stories, so…

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Stephen Chow, director of Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer, has dropped out as the director on Green Hornet but will still co-star as Kato.  The film is set to star Seth Rogen in the lead, with a script by Rogen and co-Jew Evan Goldberg. No new director is set, but the switch may be a good thing considering Chow was most recently a producer on Dragonball.

The character began on radio in the 1930s and is best known from the ’60s TV version. But a bigscreen translation is having a long gestation [sic], going through many incarnations, including as a proposed George Clooney vehicle.  Chow signed in September to direct the film and play the role originated in the TV series by Bruce Lee. He stepped out as director over creative differences. [Variety]

I think it’s a smart idea to do this as a comedy.  There’s no way you’re going to take a character who was campy 60 years ago and expect people to take it seriously.  I mean, unless the soundtrack has a lot of rap-rock on it.  Like, a lot of rap-rock.  OO WHA AA AA-AA… *bodies hit floor*

^{One time I caught this in my green whore net.}

The rumor that Will Smith’s 10-year-old son Jaden would star in a remake/sequel of The Karate Kid has been around for a while now and always seemed too ridiculous to be true.  But this is Hollywood, so just think of the stupidest thing you can imagine multiplied by 100 and of course someone will produce it.

The script is being written by Chris Murphy, and the film will shoot next year in Beijing and other cities. While the new film will be set in that exotic locale, it will borrow elements of the original plot, wherein a bullied youth learns to stand up for himself with the help of an eccentric mentor. China Film Group Corp. will co-produce in China. [Lending credence to earlier, still unconfirmed rumors that it would be renamed Kung Fu Kid and that they wanted Stephen Chow to direct -Ed.]

The younger Smith, who next stars in “The Day the Earth Stood Still,” is a martial arts practitioner. [Variety]

No, he’s not.  He’s a little kid.  A little kid whose parents make him act.  And between fame as a child actor and parents that are borderline scientologists, you know he’s going to end up just like that Power Ranger who drowned people and cut his dick off.  Or worse, Danny Masterson.

Columbia pictures has confirmed that Stephen Chow, director of Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer, will direct the upcoming Green Hornet movie.  Chow will also star opposite Seth Rogen’s Hornet as Kato, a role popularized by fellow Hong Kong-ian Bruce Lee.

His boarding, announced by Columbia presidents Doug Belgrad and Matt Tolmach, also gives an inkling to the kind of movie Columbia is looking to make as Chow is known for his martial arts action-meets-Bugs Bunny style. [THR]

So what the hell is the Green Hornet?

Though various incarnations sometimes change details, in most incarnations the Green Hornet is Britt Reid, a newspaper publisher by day who by night goes out in his masked “Green Hornet” identity to fight crime as a vigilante, accompanied by his similarly masked Asian manservant Kato and driving a car, equipped with advanced technology, called “Black Beauty”. The Green Hornet is often portrayed as a fair-to-above average hand-to-hand combatant and is often armed with a gun that sprays knock-out gas (an electric stun weapon called the “hornet’s sting” was added to his arsenal in the TV series). [Wikipedia]

Going comedy with this project was the right call.  Let’s be honest, knockout gas and a manservant? It already sounds like a joke, so if you’re doing a remake you probably want to be in on it. Either that or you have to modernize it to the point that it’s not the Green Hornet anymore.  When people try to do a faithful remakes of stuff that was cool 80 years ago, you get… well, you get something like The Spirit is what you get.  They might as well be making Who’s On First the movie.

This is another new clip from Hong Kong funnyman Stephen Chow’s (Kung Fu Hustle) upcoming movie CJ7, rumored to be China’s most expensive film ever with a budget of around $20 million.  It’ll be out this weekend in the US.

In any case, it still creeps me the hell out – not the least of which because the main character boy is being played by a girl.  Could they not find an actual boy or did they do it for comedic effect?  Is Chinese humor the opposite of British humor?  I worry this little girl is going to grow up and be just like Zac Efron. 

Sidenote: If I need a child actor, I’m hiring this chick.  She is definitely down to party. 

[Thanks to Burnsy for the tip]