In the feel-good heartwarmer of the year, last week, Ugly Betty extra, Step Up 3D bit player, and all-around cuddly snuggle bottom Michael Brea chopped off his mother’s head with a fancy sword.  Brea recently spoke with the New York Daily News, clarifying, “I didn’t kill her, I killed the demon inside of her.”

I’ve heard enough. (*bangs gavel*) OBJECTION SUSTAINED.

When told his mother, Yannick Brea, 55, had died in the grisly assault early Tuesday [her body was found "badly hacked, decapitated and stabbed multiple times in another room."], Michael was unrepentant.

“So be it. It was the work of God,” he said. “I was sleeping in my bedroom. God came above my bed and reached his arm to me,” said Brea

“I said, ‘God, is my time on earth over?’ I heard a voice say, ‘Yes Michael, today is your last day.’ I asked if I could say goodbye to my family.”

The 31-year-old Brea said he told no one about the dream, but the following afternoon, he said he received another sign while at the Prince Hall Masonic Temple in Harlem, which he’d joined a week earlier. There, he said, a man approached and tried to put a curse on him.

“[He] kept trying to put something in my hand but wouldn’t show it to me. I kept opening my hand. It was a Freemason pin. I wouldn’t touch it,” Brea said.

He began feeling ill and left, and while riding the train back to Brooklyn, he said, strangers began speaking to him about his mother.

“I felt like Neo from ‘The Matrix.’ I began hearing voices and feeling powerful,” Brea said. “They were asking about the difference between mom and mother. It was a sign.”

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The Other Guys became the first new release in four weeks to take the top spot from Inception, earning an estimated $35.6 million.  It looks to play strongly, while the other broad comedy, Dinner for Schmucks, dropped all the way to number five, and looks like it may not earn out.  Analysts are saying that may have something to do with The Other Guys being funny and Dinner for Schmucks feeling like it was written by fifth graders. …What’s that?  Oh, so you’re saying I don’t qualify as an “analyst” now?  Whatever.

Even in its fourth weekend, Inception‘s 32% fall from the previous weekend was the softest of all the major releases.  It’s a throwback to the days when blockbusters would hold their spots for two or three months at a time, and also to the days when movies weren’t as sucky.  Or something like that.  Look, I’m not good with good news, okay?

Meanwhile, Step Up 3D wasn’t nearly the hit that some people no one was predicting it was going to be.  It made five million less than the first Step Up, three million less than the second, and would’ve done far worse if it hadn’t made 81% of its money on more expensive 3D showings.  Attendance was bad. But what did you expect?  You can’t just replace Channing Tatum with some other mumbly wigger and expect that no one will notice.  This is just like when The Fast and the Furious tried to replace Paul Walker.  Uh uh, son, you can’t buy that kind of charisma off the rack.  If the analogy holds true, C-Tates better start getting in shape for 5tep Up to the 5treet5, when they give him a big paycheck to reunite the original cast.  I for one can’t wait.

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Yo yo yo, word up, ya dumb beeeyotch, it’s ya boy C-Tates, all up in ya biz like Cheez Whiz, ya heard?  This the French poster for my new movie Step Up 3-DEEEEZ NUTS.  Only in France they be callin’ it ‘Sexy Dance 3.’  I guess they ain’t got step camps out in Euro land like the one ya boy C-Tates’ moms sent me to in Tampa Bizzy, what what represent.  Yeah, girl, but choo know these dance moves is still sexy, no matter if you be speakin’ African or Puerto Rican or some sh—

Hold on, I’m getting update…

Wait, what?!  That’s not Channing Tatum in the poster?!  You say he’s not even in this movie?! OH HELL NAW!  The new guy even tried to jack C-Tate’s mack moves!  When I want whigger dancing, I want the real thing, dammit!  This imitation mumbly whigger will not stand, man.

[via BleedingCool]

UPDATE: Now with video. Don’t worry, my gynecologist says, “these things happen sometimes”.

I was going to write a promo for this new Step Up 3-D trailer, but I have an OBGYN appointment in my garage, so I’m going to let my good buddy Channing Tatum handle this one.

Yo girl, like once in our lifetime we gets to see a movie and sh-t, right? That like blows our mind, or something. And like, this movie is so tight, that you’re like, Aw yeah, I wanna get down and grind on that sh-t, yo. But then you watch it and you’re all like, Yo bitch, I wants more of that, it’s like a fine white girl’s poo-nanny, naw’mean? So then the studio is all like, Look mutha f-ckas, I be orderin another Step Up film and all the bitches’ panties drops, right? But naw, ain’t no C-Tate in Step Deuce because they ain’t come correct with the Ben Franks, respek son, what? Even without C-Tate, the chickenz is all like, Yo the moves is still tight, so I’mma want more because that dance life is legit, playboy. So this John Chu builds Step Trip like its got mad hydro and spoilers like them Asians do work, represent. And now all the bizznatches like, Oh snap, 3-D for real? Drink a 40 and pour some for 2-D because sh-t just got reals.

Holla at ya boy, MTV News:

Director Jon Chu, who also helmed 2008′s “Step Up 2: The Streets,” said that this flick is really going to capture the audience’s attention. “It’s not the blue and red anymore. It’s a different 3-D, totally new style,” he said about the new glasses. “You gotta get the new ones. They look like shades.”

Yo girl, them glasses better be Dolce and Gabbana, cuz C-Tate wears his bling at night. Can’t let the bitches see yo eyes, player. Keep ‘em guessing like, Yo when I gonna get a piece of C-Tate’s gear up in my lady grill, hurt for real. Step Up 3-D drops on August 6, girl. But I’ll drop my 6-9 tonight, beeyotch.

Yo girl, Burnsy and Cho-Cho done with this game for the week, proper. You wanna weekend preview? Bust out yo Boost Mobile and call that Moviefone sh-t, for real, pray for Biggie, pray for ‘Pac. We out, son.

- Burnsy

^{I have this wallpaper.  Not on my computer, on the inside of my van.}

Hack of all hacks Adam Shankman recently spoke to Collider about his upcoming third Step Up movie.  He revealed that the sequel to Step Up 2 the Streets will be called… *drumroll* …Step Up 3-D.  *fart sound*

“We were blown away with the tests we just did (for Step Up 3D). Seeing the dance in 3D, and an arm coming out and flips that are going by your head. It was such an incredible experience.”  Since he sounded excited about the footage he saw, I then asked if he would consider doing Hairspray 2 in 3D. He said, “Yeah, that would be cool in 3D because it has a pop-sensibility. 3D should be regulated [sic] to things with a pop-sensibility because that’s the experience you want from those kinds of films. Anything you really want to think about, you don’t want to see in 3D.”

Reached for comment, Paul McCartney said, “Oh, so ‘pop-sensibility’ means ‘by and for stupid people’ now?  That’s cool.  I guess I’ll just go f*ck myself.”