I was really into this Kevin-Clash-gets-accused-of-statutory rape show when it first came out, but ever since the first guy told everyone he got paid $125K in hush money, and they tried to replace him with another guy who just wants money and might be lying, it really jumped the shark. You can’t just recast the victim like that mid season. But they’re still trying to make it work, even though Kevin Clash has already resigned, and anyone who comes forward now will have even less credibility.

The Emmy award-winning man behind Sesame Street’s “Elmo” is now facing his third allegation of underage sex in two weeks.
This time puppeteer Kevin Clash is facing a lawsuit accusing him of sexual activity with a 16-year-old in 2000.

Which is important, because the age of consent in New York is 17.

The accuser, now 29, will be filing a lawsuit in Manhattan Federal Court Tuesday, says the man’s attorney Jeff Herman.
He said the lawsuit is being filed as a “John Doe” because the accuser does not want to use his name.
A spokeswoman for the puppeteer said, “Mr. Clash believes this lawsuit has no merit.”
Herman said his client started writing a book in 2009 describing his experience with Clash.
The lawyer said he will have pages from that book at a press conference Tuesday to announce the lawsuit.
Herman said the accuser is from the South and was in high school when he came to New York 13 years ago for modeling work.
He said his client connected with Clash — who went under the pseudonym “Craig” and claimed to be only 30 years old — on a gay chat line. The two chatted for a couple of days and then Craig invited the 16-year-old to his apartment.

Moving to New York to model, then finding out the older man who took advantage of you is rich and willing to pay hush money is like winning the model lottery.

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Last week, 23-year-old Shelden Stephens (only recently identified) came forward to accuse Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash of having a sexual relationship with him back when Stephens was 16. But then Stephens recanted his story, saying the affair occurred when they were both adults, with TMZ reporting that Clash had settled with him for $125 grand (a story as old as time). Well now, Stephens says he was pressured into settling and will gladly forfeit the money so long as it ensures that the truth is out there. Relax, Mulder, I think we all know what happened already.

We’ve learned Stephens has met with lawyers in Los Angeles and told them he was pressured into recanting his allegation and insists he’s telling the truth when he says he had sex with Clash when he was 16.

Stephens — who is now 23 — is telling lawyers he will gladly forfeit the $125,000  to restore his name.  Stephens is saying he was literally crying during the final negotiations and repeatedly said he didn’t want to sign. [TMZ]

I’d like to see Arnold Schwarzenegger play this guy in the movie adaptation. “Hey, Clash, remember when I said I lied? I lied.” (*drops $125K off cliff*)

I used to think it would be awesome to be gay because you wouldn’t have to deal with women and their fickleness and their constantly-changing moods, and them bringing up something you did five years ago every time you get in an argument. Now I’m starting to wonder if the only real selling point is all the butt sex.

Kevin expose. Elmo scarred for life.

You may remember yesterday when TMZ and others were reporting that Being Elmo‘s Kevin Clash was taking a leave of absence to deal with allegations that he’d had a sexual relationship with a kid when Clash was 45 and the accuser was 16. Clash had maintained the relationship occurred when both were adults, and now the accuser, who has still not been identified, has since recanted his story. Phew, good thing that’s out of the way before anyone’s reputation got ruined.

Andreozzi & Associates, a law firm that said it represented the accuser said in a statement that “he wants it to be known that his sexual relationship with Mr. Clash was an adult consensual relationship.” The statement added, “He will have no further comment on the matter.” [NYTimes]

Well sure, I can’t imagine anyone might have follow-up questions.

It’s unclear why the accuser suddenly changed his story … but sources close to the situation tell TMZ … the accuser’s attorney had been meeting with Clash’s attorney as recent as an hour ago, discussing a financial settlement and 6-figures were on the table. [TMZ]

Don’t tell me I’m the only one who imagined The Count counting each figure as it was laid on the table there. Now, granted I’m not a lawyer, but this isn’t how extortion usually works, is it? Anyway, move along, folks, nothing to see here. We can all sleep easier knowing that a 45-year-old puppeteer was blowing an 18-year-old, not a 16-year-old like some kind of perv.

The accused with her alleged lover

A 31-year-old 9th grade English teacher in Hemet, California (Riverside County is the Florida of California) has been accused of having illicit sex with a 17-year-old student, a relationship that allegedly began when she told him he looked like Twilight star Taylor Lautner. My sources say the boy tried to hide the romance, but failed on account of being a horrible, horrible actor.

A Hemet High school student told police his teacher seduced him and had sex with him in her locked classroom, according to a search warrant.

Yeah, I bet it’s real hard to “seduce” a 17-year-old male. You have to be all coy and suave, and say things like “Hey, kid! Free pussy!”

The student told a district employee about the relationship, who notified sheriff’s deputies the night of Feb. 29.
Deputies arrested Ramirez the next day at the Hemet Unified School District offices. She was released on $100,000 bond and has not been charged.
The student was Ramirez’s teacher’s aide during his sophomore and junior years. He said the sexual relationship began when he was 16. On the last day of class his sophomore year, he said, Ramirez told him he looked like actor Taylor Lautner from the “Twilight” movies. She then hugged and kissed him, according to the search warrant.
The boy returned as her teacher’s aide during his junior year. He said Ramirez would often compliment his looks and began talking to him more.
The student said he asked her for help on a school essay last fall. When they were alone in the classroom working on the essay, she kissed him again. The teen said he began making out with Ramirez and she began fondling him. The next day, the boy returned to the classroom to print the essay. He said Ramirez kissed him as he was leaving and guided him to her chair where she performed a sex act.

Ooh la la, she “performed a sex act,” did she? They make blowjobs sound so fancy!

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Make ouuu-- oh. Carry on, then.

The other day I brought you the news that Natalie Portman had co-written with college friend Laura Moses BYO, a “raunchy”, female-driven sex comedy in the vein of Superbad, in which a sexed-up Portman would sexily play one of the main sex characters.  The script is currently making the rounds, and now, much like your sister in a mini-skirt, some of the juicier bits have begun to leak out.  In fact, according to a recent report, the script features one of the leads giving a Boniface Jenkins to a 15-year-old boy.  And on the fifth page no less!

The two main characters are Lucy and “Al” (short for Alice) — Lucy is the wild sex fiend and Al is the more or less level-headed one. There’s a scene on page five in which Lucy is caught blowing a 15 year-old by the teen’s mother. “There is one other sex scene,” he says, “but who knows what it’ll be. Let’s just say [the rest of the script] doesn’t get any dirtier than the page-five BJ.” [Hollywood-Elsewhere]

And I hope that by “level-headed” they mean she blows dudes her own age, because when I was 15, the closest I got to a BJ was when mom’s boyfriend slept over.  What is this, science fiction?

Sub-joke: Oral sex with a 15-year-old on page five?  Sounds like someone owes Roman Polanski royalties.

Sub-joke 2: I heard “Page-five, BJ” is how they call your mom over the intercom where she works.