Han and Boba Fett on the set, with George Lucas

Start praying for some non-Star Wars news, you guys. The latest is that stand-alone movies about Han Solo and Boba Fett are reportedly in the wanks. Er, works.

Entertainment Weekly has learned details on two of the spin-off projects: A young Han Solo saga, focusing on the wisecracking smuggler’s origin story, and a bounty hunter adventure with Boba Fett at the center of a rogue’s gallery of galactic scum. Sources close to the projects confirmed this was the direction the development was taking, although they cautioned it’s still very early in the process.

The Han Solo story would take place in the time period between Revenge of the Sith and the first Star Wars (now known as A New Hope), so although it’s possible Harrison Ford could appear as a framing device, the movie would require a new actor for the lead — one presumably much younger than even the 35-year-old Ford when he appeared in the 1977 original.

The Boba Fett film would take place either between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, or between Empire and Jedi, where the bounty hunter was last seen plunging unceremoniously into a sarlacc pit. Exactly who would play him isn’t much of a complication – in the original trilogy, he never took off his helmet. And in the prequels, we learned he was the son of the original stormtrooper clone, played by Temuera Morrison, who’s still the right age for the part if his services were required.

No word on whether this juicy rumor nugget contradicts or complements the one about the Yoda movie. I want to say something about this, but it’s like my ability to give a shit has been frozen in carbonite. Really, we’re going to make all of these movies? Aren’t stories like this why they used to have those Star Wars novels? In any case, I think we all know what this project needs: that’s right, Channing Tatum as Han Solo. “Ayo, Chew, ya boy hype drive actin mad whack, son.”

With Karl Urban being the obvious choice for Boba Fett. If Dredd 3D proved anything, it’s that the dude can wear the f*ck out of a helmet.

Read the rest of this entry »

I get the dismissive wanks in my wrist every time I report one of these Star Wars or superhero rumors, but God help us, everyone on the internet is obsessed with this stuff. Unless the revolution is fought with bacon and misplaced nostalgia, we’re all f*cked. Anyway, we already know that Disney bought LucasFilm and hired JJ Abrams to direct Star Wars VII. Now, Harry Knowles says Disney will also be making “stand-alone” Star Wars movies, starting with one about Yoda. Obnoxious, I’m sure a whole movie of that won’t be.

But really, what’s Disney going to be doing with these STAND ALONE films…
Well, to start with they’re going to focus on established characters and do solo films, no, not necessarily Han Solo films, but well, f*ck it…   The first Stand Alone film is going to center upon YODA.  At this stage specifics are sparse, but Kathleen Kennedy is putting together a STAR WARS slate…  I’m wildly curious for more details on the YODA film – would this be a young or old YODA tale?
Knowing that Lucasfilm is doing a series of stand alone character features…  I wonder if Joe Johnston has pitched Kennedy his stand alone BOBA FETT film he was talking about after the release of Captain America.   Hmmmmm…   Now, let’s chase after YODA details…  Where’s FRANK OZ?  Giggle.  Gotta love chasing STAR WARS stories!  Oh – and I’ve also heard tale of a JABBA story that Lucas has floated to some of his buddies.  But word is YODA is first. [AICN]

George Lucas has “buddies?” I’m assuming that means his stuffed animals. Anyway, it’s hard to say how preliminary the talk is at this point. Does anyone care about a Yoda movie? Hypothetically speaking? Other than an eager Andy Serkis, hopefully fitting himself with pointy ears in preparation? See, this is my problem with the Star Wars phenomenon in a nutshell. I like the first three movies fine, but Disney buying Lucasfilm was sort of like Coke buying A&W root beer. Will they make new root beer?? I mean, I guess. Put it this way, I’ve seen Pulp Fiction countless times and would’ve called it my favorite movie for many years, but if you told me Miramax was making a stand-alone movie about Butch the boxer, I imagine my reaction would be something along the lines of “Huh? Why?”

I’ll be interested in this only if they cast Luis Guzman as Yoda’s sidekick, and he starts all of his lines with “Mira, Joda!” Obi Juan Kenobi, say.

Ever since Disney bought the rights to the Star Wars franchise from George Lucas, who is currently building his own working Death Star out of Cheetos, we’ve been keeping our guard up for an onslaught of bogus rumors, and rightfully so. I mean, as if Harrison Ford would actually play Chewbacca and Shi LeBeouf would play Han Solo. I can’t believe people expected us to believe that. But there have been some solid, accurate rumors, including Toy Story 3 scribe Michael Arndt writing an Episode VII treatment, so maybe we’re getting to the good stuff now.

Today’s first Star Wars report is a total bummer, because despite earlier reports of the contrary, Colin Trevorrow and Derek Connolly are not going to be the duo behind the new era. As it turns out, the Safety Not Guaranteed director and writer (respectively) will be working for Disney, but it’s for a remake of yet another childhood classic, according to Variety.

Read the rest of this entry »

If you thought you were going to be guy to finally make your Star Wars fan-fic dreams a sort of reality, tough luck, Hoss. Turns out Disney had a guy on it before they even said they were making another Star Wars (probably a wise strategy).

Insiders confirm that Arndt has written a 40- to 50-page treatment for the film and is likely to be at least one of the writers when the Disney/Lucasfilm project begins shooting in 2014.
Sources also tell Vulture that the studio’s brass want to bring back the three central characters of the original Star Wars: a much older Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Han Solo.
Arndt’s 40-something page treatment will soon be crossing the desks of top directors, including Brad Bird, Steven Spielberg (the former producing partner of Lucasfilm co-chair Kathleen Kennedy), and J.J. Abrams.

Spielberg has already said he won’t direct, so don’t expect to witness the galactic rebellion through the innocent eyes of a gentle Tauntaun. And in case anyone’s asking (and apparently they are), Tarantino is also out.

Since winning the Oscar for Little Miss Sunshine, Arndt has lectured extensively on the art of storytelling at numerous writers’ retreats, like the Hawaii Writers Conference in Maui and the Austin Film Festival, always featuring a lengthy and detailed explanation of why the original Star Wars’ ending is so creatively satisfying.

At these talks, Arndt always tells attendees that Star Wars’ enduring appeal has to do with resolving its protagonists goals’ nearly simultaneously, at the climax of the movie. In the comments section of a discussion about a Star Wars talk Arndt gave at the Austin Film Festival in 2010, one attendee of the seminar notes, “Arndt stated that if a writer could resolve the story’s arcs (internal, external, philosophical) immediately after the Moment of Despair at the climax, he or she would deliver the Insanely Great Ending and put the audience in a euphoric state. The faster it could happen, the better. By [Arndt’s] reckoning, George Lucas hit those three marks at the climax of Star Wars within a space of 22 seconds.”

Yikes. I know that’s a second-hand account, but that was very Robert McKee. It always scares me when people try to fit qualitative emotional states into labeled boxes like an autistic kid trying to grasp emotions. It reminds me of Mystery from The Pick-Up Artist, who would describe getting to second base something like… “Well look, if she’s been giving you IOIs all night and you’re DHV success number is over 65, it’s time to kino-escalate.” Always odd when people turn life into instructions for building a desk from IKEA. But hey, the guy wrote Toy Story 3, which was unarguably amazing, so whatever works. You can drink your own piss from pickle jars labeled “story arc ,” “redemption,” and “catharsis” for all I care. Hell, I’m gonna go do that right now, just because.