When I heard Diora Baird was playing an Orion Slave Girl in Star Trek, I was rightly tumescent, because Diora Baird’s breasts are made from the laughter of children and that mixture of maple syrup and melted butter that dribbles down the side of your pancakes. Then the movie came out and deflated my wiener with the one-two punch of the lack of beautiful Baird breasts and Zachary Quinto’s intrusive eyebrows. Today, we can finally see the Diora Baird scene that didn’t make the movie. And it’s… an even bigger disappointment than her not being in the movie, somehow. Dear JJ Abrams: you hired Diora Baird for your movie and you kept her fully clothed? You’re worse than Stalin. You’re like Hitler, if Hitler had promised the Jews ice cream before he gassed them, and then kicked a puppy. Yours in undying hatred, Vince.
I also like how the scene involves Kirk apologizing to an Orion Slave Girl for using her. Dude, she’s a slave girl. It’s in the title. You don’t have to treat them like Dilythian Equality Womyn.
[video via ToplessRobot]
This is a just-released deleted scene from Star Trek. I loved the movie, but this highlights the one aspect I hated — shaky-cam, quick-cut action sequences that give you no sense of the spatial awareness of a scene, just the cliff’s notes cause and effect. Anyway, I’ll let /Film describe the context because that’s easiest for me.
JJ Abrams shot a sequence for the Star Trek reboot featuring a few members of the infamous alien race, the Klingons. The scene featured Nero [Eric Bana] chained to a table being interrogated by the masked, ruffle-headed creatures with Centurion slugs who are looking to find out information on the future. The sequence basically explained what Nero was up to in the missing years. This is one of the deleted scenes in the prison break sequence that has found its way online to promote the upcoming DVD release.
Wait, so this was supposed to be the scene that finally gives us Klingons and now that it’s here they’re wearing a mask the whole time? That’s like paying for sex and then finding out you have to wear a condom. Relax bitch I told you I was clean.
New Spock Zachary Quinto stars in this Funny or Die video called Hostage: A Love Story. It’s basically a one-joke premise with the one joke being that he swears a lot, but I have to admit, Quinto hasn’t made me laugh this much since Buspockke. The only thing this video could use is Gary Busey jumping down from the rafters shouting, “I’m your worst nightmare, butthorn!”
(in space, no one can hear your lisp)
I hope everyone refilled their inhalers this weekend, because I’ve got Battlestar Galactica movie news to PWN your recessive genes with. Universal Pictures has announced that Bryan Singer is attached to direct the big screen version of the cult-hit series. Hang onto your imitation vaginas though, the studio claims that this will not be the SyFy channel (then Sci-Fi) fisting fest that you’re used to:
…Singer will clearly put his own creative stamp on the project, as the studio indicates that the film will be “a complete reimagination.” [Variety]
This reminds me of the time I had sex with this girl from community college. When we awoke in the morning, I asked her how she liked her eggs, to which she replied “over easy”. I immediately jumped out of the bunk bed and told her, “Well sorry, but you’re getting them fertilized. Consider it a complete reimagination of how you previously thought you liked your eggs”.
Though yet to be officially confirmed, Battlestar’s Wikipedia page reports that Singer’s version will be based on the original series which aired from 1978-1979 on the ABC network. Personally, I’ve never really given a rat’s ass about either version of the program, but I’ve heard from many reliable sources (i.e. people that I don’t want to kill) that Battlestar Galactica is a top-notch program. I suppose the best we can hope for at this point, is that Singer doesn’t try too hard to Star Trek this thing and at least remembers to cast Sinbad as the lead.
*crosses fingers and queefs*
-Chodin
(Haha, get it? Women be shoppin’ and men be hatin’ commitment! It’s funny ’cause it’s true!)
The Proposal earned $34 million to land a big number one on the box office chart, despite looking like a lame mashup of every crappy romantic comedy ever. They make this movie once a month. The only thing good about this one was that it didn’t have Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey in it.
The Hangover was number two with $26.9 million, only declining 18% from last weekend and holding better than just about any movie in recent memory (again, that’s movie blogger code for “I don’t want to look it up”). So far it’s made almost $153 million on a $35 million budget, which is good news for anyone who wants to make or see an R-rated comedy. The bad news is that without Todd Phillips and Zach Galifianakis, The Hangover would basically have been an Entourage episode. So what’ll happen now is, they’ll greenlight a bunch of pandering, “raunchy” comedies which will suck (think American Pie sequels) and won’t make money, and then we’ll be right back to it being hard to make R-rated comedy again. Also? We’re all gonna be dead in 40 years anyway. Happy Monday!
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