Gentleman, this is why you don’t buy porno on DVD anymore.  Get it on your computer.   It’s much easier to hide.  Just name the folder something chicks won’t be interested in, like “Car Magazines and Math.”  Anyway,  the story is, a Brooklyn woman stabbed her husband to death after she found his porn DVD.  In typical lazy journalist fashion, the NY Daily News includes in their report every detail except the name of the offending DVD.  Between this and their Pulitzer-worthy coverage of Janet Jackson picking her nose, they’re really trying to softify my wang.

An enraged Brooklyn woman stabbed her husband to death after finding a porno flick in their apartment, police said Friday.
Shellyann Henry, 32, discovered the X-rated DVD in the family’s Bushwick home Thursday night and confronted her husband. They began to fight – in front of one of their children – and Henry grabbed a kitchen knife.
Police said she repeatedly plunged the knife into Rudolph Henry’s chest about 9:40 p.m., bringing a violent end to what neighbors say had long been tumultuous relationship.
“She’s a great mom, but she lost it,” said neighbor Dawn Springs, 26. “She was screaming to police that he [had] porn with their 4-year-old son.”
The accused killer dropped the bloody knife and called 911. Police and paramedics raced to the scene, but Rudolph Henry couldn’t be saved. His wife stayed in the third-floor apartment on Wilson Ave. where she was arrested.
She was charged with second-degree murder and criminal possession of a weapon.
Shellyann Henry has three children – 17, 4, and a newborn. Investigators believe the 4-year-old boy witnesses the murder. [NYDailyNews]

Jeez, lady, overreact much?  Who put farts in her monkey fufu.  The guy is clearly a pussy though.  In Danny Trejo’s house, this would be considered foreplay.  (*pulls knife from ribs*) “Ees thees a homemade chank?  Ay, mi amor, ju spoil me.”

(Rambo bought this thermometer from John McCain. The only setting is “DEAD GOOK.”)

Ever since I moved to New York, I’ve marveled at how people here seem incapable of SHUTTING THE HELL UP DURING THE GD MOVIE.  Hell, keep talking, I’d settle for you just learning to whisper, you loud a-holes GODIHATEYOUSOMUCH!  Anyway, I’ve shushed people because I’m gangsta like that, which is why I’m thanking God I didn’t end up like this guy:

A dispute at a Lancaster, CA movie theater during a screening of “Shutter Island” ended when a man, who had complained about someone nearby talking on a cellphone, was stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer.
The incident occurred two weeks ago at the Cinemark 22 theater in Lancaster, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.
The theater was packed for a 9 p.m. Saturday screening of the Martin Scorsese horror movie when the victim complained about a woman near him who was using a cellphone during the show. She and two men with her left the movie theater. Two men returned a few minutes later and stabbed the victim, said sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore.  The victim, who was not identified, was hospitalized with serious injuries. [LATimes]

Are we sure this wasn’t just a botched pick-up line?  That’s happened to me before:

Hey, girl.  Are you feeling okay?

…I’m fine. …Why?

I dunno, I just thought maybe I should take your temperature… with an ALL-BEEF THERMOMETER!

*stabs girl in neck with meat thermometer*

Crap, I think I did this wrong.

Tragic yet metal story alert: A 20-year-old man wearing Joker makeup broke into a Belgian nursery and went on a BABY STABBING SPREE.  Two infants and a caretaker are dead, with two still in critical condition.

There were 21 infants in the creche and six supervisors. All of the victims were stabbed in the throat or head. Parents gathered in the Dendermonde town hall and, with psychologists in support, identified the victims using photographs. Nine children escaped unharmed. Three of the creche’s child care workers were injured as they tried to fend off the attacker.

“There was blood everywhere, it was unbelievable, real carnage. He went straight for the babies and attacked them. The smallest ones were in their beds, they were probably asleep.”

After the attack, the man calmly left on his bicycle. Police sealed off all local schools as panic spread throughout the town.

The knifeman was pursued by a police helicopter and arrested in a nearby supermarket still in possession of the weapon used in the attack.

“You can’t imagine what we saw at that time. The babies were hurt not in the arms, not in the legs, not in the stomach, always the head or the neck. It is something you don’t forget.” [Telegraph]

The man has since been identified as Kim de Gelder, who some say may have been inspired by the anniversary of Heath Ledger’s death.

The Australian actor died of a drug overdose on Jan 22, 2008, a year and a day before the suspect is accused of carrying out the attack after painting his face white, blackening his eyes and either colouring his hair red or wearing a red wig. Mr De Gelder has been variously described by former workmates as a “film freak” and “movie addict”.

The young man, who lived his whole life within three miles of the family home has emerged as a troubled loner.

“His nickname was Satan,” said one former schoolmate.

Read the rest of this entry »

Four people were stabbed at a party in Brooklyn that billed itself as the official after party for the premiere of Biggie Smalls biopic Notorious.

Police said Saturday a 21-year-old victim stabbed numerous times was in critical condition at Brookdale Hospital. Three others were stable.
While the party had been promoted as the “official” after-party, “Notorious” distributor, Fox Searchlight, said it was not related. [Yahoo]

Meanwhile, there was also a shooting at the theatre where Notorious star Jamal Woolard was making an appearance in North Carolina. Boy, what’s the world coming to when you can’t go to a movie about a rapper who died violently without people getting violent.  I never thought I’d say this, folks, but today, Joaquin Phoenix is ashamed to be a rapper.

^{Saw V director David Hackl shows his favorite doll how he kissed his invisible prom date.}

In shocking news you’ll never believe (SNYNB), people who like torture porn may share a predilection for violence.

Four men suffered neck wounds and four others were arrested after a wild altercation early Saturday morning at a Times Square movie theater packed with young people.

The chaotic scene in and around the AMC Empire 25 on West 42nd Street began as hundreds came and went from ” Saw V,” which the theater was showing on five screens with starting times spaced a half-hour apart.

A fight broke out in the theater just before 1 a.m., and a large number of people scattered, a police source said.

A short time later, two 22-year-old men and a 25-year-old man were stabbed or cut on the back of the neck at the corner of 42nd Street and Broadway, about a half-block from the theater, police said. The 25-year-old man suffered the most serious injury. None of the injuries was considered life-threatening, authorities said. Police said it was believed that all of those involved had been at the theater. [Newsday via RoboPanda]

Wait, so they only hurt other Saw fans, right?  Phew.  Now you know why we send them to special schools.  In order to deal with this problem, I say we just put locks on the theater doors, and maybe do a promotional push.  Say, a Machetes ‘n’ PCP night.  And thus, one hand washes the other.