Chan-Wook Park’s Oldboy (2003) is one of those foreign films that so many people have already seen that a remake would almost be sacrilege, but in the eyes of studio execs, people who watch foreign films aren’t an audience worth considering anyway so shut up while Kevin James takes a gorilla ice skating.  Last we heard, a deal that would’ve had Spielberg and Will Smith involved in the remake fell through when Dreamworks and Mandate couldn’t come to an agreement.  But Mandate apparently still owns the rights to the remake, and now Twitch reports that they’re in talks with Spike Lee to direct.  Yes, Spike Lee. I for one can’t wait for ODay Sioux’s inevitable out-of-context rant about how much he hates Arab cab drivers.

Twitch has learned that Spike Lee is currently in talks to direct the long-rumored Hollywood remake of Park Chan-Wook´s Oldboy.
The film is set up at Mandate with Doug Davison and Roy Lee producing and Mark Protosevich (Thor, I Am Legend) writing the script.

The original starred the brilliant Min-Sik Choi as Oh Dae-Su, a man with five days to find and exact his revenge on the man who imprisoned him for 15 years.  Whether a straight remake or a new adaptation of the original manga, I imagine Spike Lee’s version would play out much the same way. “Oldboy 2: Who you callin’ ‘Boy?”” they could call it.

Spike Lee starts feuds more often than he makes relevant movies these days, and one obvious target of his criticism has been hacky director Tyler Perry, whose movies Lee famously derided as “coonery and buffonery.”  (Lee later backtracked, saying he was annoyed that “coonery and buffoonery” were the only quotes anyone pulled from the interview.  But hey, that’ll teach you go for the easy rhyme.  I’M SICK OF THIS COONERY, SCHOONERY, BUFOONERY, AND ALL AROUND PONTOONERY!)

Now, on the eve of the Madea’s Big Happy Family release, Tyler Perry is firing back — against Lee, and predictably, all the h8erzz.

“I’m so sick of hearing about damn Spike Lee,” Perry said during a press conference Tuesday in Beverly Hills, Calif. “Spike can go straight to hell! You can print that. I am sick of him talking about me, I am sick of him saying, ‘this is a coon, this is a buffoon.’ I am sick of him talking about black people going to see movies. This is what he said: ‘you vote by what you see,’ as if black people don’t know what they want to see.”

“I am sick of him – he talked about Whoopi, he talked about Oprah, he talked about me, he talked about Clint Eastwood. Spike needs to shut the hell up!”

“I’m so sick of being asked about Spike Lee! So I told him to go to hell in front of a room full of reporters!  My logic is ironclad!”

Read the rest of this entry »

MORNING LINKS

50 Cats Straight Chillin’ [Uproxx]

Poker Sites Go Up The River [UproxxNews]

What Do You Get A Gorilla For His Birthday? [UproxxNews]

This Corgi Was Made for the Internet [WarmingGlow]

Soccer mascot mutilates trees for show [WithLeather]

PICTURED: I like to pretend Spike was using that orange jacket as a cape. He’s sitting there trying to imagine how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. |via Bostonstool|

Star Trek Porn Parody Has More Plot Than Most Hollywood Movies. [GammaSquad]

Amanda Seyfried collects dead animals [WWTDD]

Tea Partier’s Racist Obama E-Mail [Buzzfeed]

Miley Cyrus: ‘America Hates Me.’  Probably because you’re untalented, mewl-mouthed idiot.  [TheSuperficial]

Two Toddlers Just Smoking Cigarettes on a Train in China [Brobible]

Bargument: Ghostface vs. Ghostface Killah [TSJ]

81-year-old WWII vet beats down robber with frying pan. I wish it had been a bed pan. |BostonStool|

“Ho Suk” arrested for prostitution again. |NYCStool|

How to run for president against Donald Trump. [HolyTaco]

Elaine from Seinfeld is running for Vice President. [ScreenJunkies]

This guy has the sickest roller-blade dance moves you’ve ever seen. |TheDailyWhat|

Alice Goodwin has big boobs, likes to squeeze them together. [GorillaMask]

—

NOMINATE FOR COMMENTS OF THE WEEK. BUY FILMDRUNK SHIRTS. THE FROTCAST (OUR PODCAST) ON iTUNES. FILMDRUNK ON FACEBOOK. FILMDRUNK ON TWITTER.

Spike Lee’s documentary Kobe Doin’ Work, about Kobe Bryant, will premiere as part of an ESPN sports film sidebar at Tribeca.

Featuring a score by Bruce Hornsby, “Kobe” was shot during last year’s NBA playoffs when Lee and cinematographer Matthew Libatique spent a day with the Lakers standout [don't exhaust yourself with too much work there, Spike]. Following its Tribeca bow, “Kobe” will be televised May 16 on ESPN. [THR]

Then in June, it will air on the Oxygen Network between Tyson and Roman Polanski as part of RapeFest 2K9.
Read the rest of this entry »

^{Aww shit, Spike Lee done just drove by bouncin’ on hydros and spinners}

USA Today today (aaah! brain aneurysm!) premiered the poster for Gran Torino, which features Clint Eastwood’s first acting role since Million Dollar Baby.

His Gran Torino character is Walt Kowalski, a racist Korean War veteran whose prized possession is a classic car that catches the eye of local gangs in his Detroit neighborhood. One of the troubled kids who covets the vehicle is from a family of Hmong immigrant neighbors, whom Kowalski has long resented.

“The young kid, as part of a gang initiation, tries to steal it, and the old guy gets him at the end of the M-1, which becomes kind of a big deal,” Eastwood says. “The kid has to do penance because of the pride of the Asian group. They make him do penance. He has to come over, and the old guy doesn’t want anything to do with him, doesn’t want him anywhere around.” The fastest way to rid himself of the boy, Kowalski decides, is to cooperate. “Walt helps him get a job and helps him toughen up a bit,” Eastwood says. “(Walt) doesn’t work construction. He’s retired. But he gets the boy in through a buddy, an old crony. They take him in and try to show him how to handle himself in life.”

Wait, did he say “pride of Asians”? Holy shit, they’re like lions. All this time I had no idea you were supposed to refer to minority groups this way. “Slow down, do you see Billy?” “There he is, across from that flock of Mexicans. –Uh oh, school of blacks, 3 o’clock, better lock the doors.”

Reached for comment, Spike Lee said, “Oh yeah? Well I’ma call all you muthaf-ckin crackas a ‘Murder of Whiteys.’ Pretty muthaf-ckin apropos, you ask me.”