The word around the campfire today is that Sony is developing a Venom movie as a Spider-Man 3 spinoff. Venom, who was played by Topher Grace and was such an interesting part of Spider-Man 3 that I didn’t even remember it, actually died in the movie. But that hardly matters. As Rob Lowe’s character says in Thank You for Smoking, “So what? That’s one line of dialog. ‘Thank god we invented the… you know, whatever device.’”
Gary Ross [Pleasantville, Seabiscuit] is writing “Venom” as a potential directing vehicle. Ross is already writing “Spider-Man 4” for the studio. In the comics, Venom is a gooey alien parasite that bonds with Peter Parker and later his newsroom rival, among other people, becoming one of more popular villains in “Spider-Man’s” rogue gallery. Topher Grace portrayed the character in the 2007 movie, which ended with both the human and the alien symbiote apparently destroyed in an explosion. [Variety]
So… am I supposed to be more or less excited about this than about Spider-Man 4? Because I gotta tell you, I’m feelin pretty shrugswardly about both of them. And I should be the target audience. I’m not even the kind of guy who (*air quotes*) had sex with (*air quotes*) girls in (*air quotes*) high school.
The New York Post today has more information of the ridiculously expensive Spider-Man musical for which U2 wrote the music (as if you needed to know more than that).
The phrase “Broadway musical” doesn’t seem grand enough to convey the size and scope of “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark,” [Ed Note: ???] which is due to open in New York in January 2010. Spider-Man, added director Julie Taymor, “is not going to sing and dance in tights.”
Hmm. It’s a broadway show about a guy who wears tights. How the hell else could it possibly go?
A better description of her show, she suggested, is a “circus rock-’n'-roll drama.” [Ahh, our bad] As Spider-Man, Peter clashes with a parade of Marvel villains — Green Goblin, Carnage, Electro, Rhino, Swarm and Lizard. Berger and Taymor have invented a new baddie for the show — Swiss Miss, whose costume, designed by Oscar winner Eiko Ishioka (”Bram Stoker’s Dracula”), consists of rotating knives and swirling corkscrews.
I know this probably goes without saying, but the decision-making of the folks in charge here really isn’t inspiring much hope. Spider-Man has been around for 47 years now, and yet they decided they needed a new villain, which they promptly named after hot chocolate. And anyway, if I were naming a Spider-Man villian after sweets (and let’s be clear, I’m not) I would’ve gone with… LORNA DOOM!
A Thai fireman recently dressed as Spider-Man to coax an autistic child down from a ledge. Which is really going above and beyond the call compared to our lazy American firemen who just sit around playing cards all day. Wait, what? I meant that they’re heroes. Courageous heroes of freedom.
Teachers at a special needs school in Bangkok alerted authorities on Monday when an autistic pupil, scared of attending his first day at school, sat out on the third-floor ledge and refused to come inside.
Despite teachers’ efforts to beckon the boy inside, he refused to budge until his mother mentioned her son’s love of superheroes, prompting fireman Sonchai Yoosabai to take a novel approach to the problem.
The rescuer dashed back to his fire station and made a quick change into a Spider-Man costume before returning to the boy, he said.
“I told him Spider-Man is here to rescue you, no monsters are going to attack you and I told him to walk slowly towards me as running could be dangerous,” Somchai told local television.
The young boy immediately stood up and walked into his rescuer’s arms, police said. [AP]
Superhero costumes, eh? I may just have to trade in this candy-filled van. Plus, my dick looks really good in spandex.
Homophobic Turtle is not pleased. (…Or is he??)
Julie Taymor’s plan to turn Spider-Man into a thuper fabulouth musical will finally come out of the closet in February 2010, EOnline reports.
“Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” [Editor's note: you're f-cking kidding me, right?] the hyped stage musical directed by Julie Taymor (The Lion King) with music and lyrics courtesy of U2’s Bono and The Edge, will kick off what its producers hope will be an amazing run beginning with previews on Jan. 16, 2010, and a Feb. 18, 2010, opening night.
The $40 million effort, reportedly the most expensive Broadway production ever, will make its debut in the Hilton Theatre, the only venue big enough to allow the superhero room to spin his way around the sprawling skyscraper sets while duking it out with various bad guys.
According to a previous report, the show would have to run 8,000 years just to break even (I was going to do the math to verify that claim, but then I was like, “Nah”). But for an artist like Julie Taymor, clearly this isn’t about the money. It’s been truly a labor of love. The love of getting washed-up rockstars to write uninspired songs about a movie that came out 10 years ago.
The movie blogosphere is all a-jizz today over the news that Sony has hired David Lindsay-Abaire to write the script for Spider-Man 4 (Zodiac writer James Vanderbilt had previously written a draft). Besides having a stupid hyphenated name, Lindsay-Abaire won a Pulitzer Prize in 2007 for his play Rabbitt Hole.
“Ooh, look at me, I have a Pulitzer Prize.” Whatever. I didn’t even know they had those in theater. Who even watches plays anymore? Plays are like movies without explosions or bare tits. They might as well award a Pulitzer Prize in Alchemy, or riding horses.
Oh hey, and you know what else this guy wrote? Inkheart. With Brendan Fraser. Case closed. Advantage: me. Mixed metaphors? Touchdown.
