Just the thought of Martin Scorsese directing an adaptation of a Dennis Lehane novel (The Wire, Gone Baby Gone, Mystic River) gives me a wicked fackin nerd bonuh (because Dennis Lehane is from Boston, you see).  Shutter Island (first ever trailer below) stars Leo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, Emily Mortimer, Special K Kingsley, and Michelle Williams.

The plot is Wicker Man-esque in that DiCaprio plays a U.S. Marshall investigating the escape of a murderess from a remote mental institution for the criminally insane on Shutter Island. And since it’s set in the 50s, the lobotimize-you-for-PMS era of psychiatry, he’s sure to find more than just an escaped crazy bitch.  And since it’s Dennis Lehane, someone involved is sure to get molested, or is running from their past when they got molested, or desperately wants to start molesting.  Just speculating here, but probably Leo’s character’s motivation is probably to find and molest the man who molested him.

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Ben Kingsley is in pretty much every movie this year. He gets it on with Penelope Cruz in Elegy. He was in the Love Guru, but we don’t talk about that. Just this morning I posted a picture of him and his hot amazon wife at the premiere of Fifty Dead Men Walking. It’s easy to see why Special K pulls hot tail. And just this afternoon, FilmDrunkard Brooklyn drew my attention to the above clip, in which Ben Kingsley stars as Ian McKaye, the similarly bald frontman of seminal DC hardcore band Minor Threat. It comes from Mean Magazine, where many of the commenters wondered “What’s the point of this?”

Clearly, the point is that it’s f*cking awesome. But then, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially after it made me orgasm.

A day after the producers of Fifty Dead Men Walking (which also stars Ben Kingsley – that’s his POA wife in the pic) distanced themselves from dumb things Rose McGowan said, they were criticized by the guy whose real-life story inspired the script.

Martin McGartland… said that director Kari Skogland should never have allowed former IRA volunteers to provide security and creative input during last year’s Belfast shoot.
“(Skogland) should certainly not have been negotiating with the IRA to be able to film in certain areas of Belfast and she should never have allowed former IRA terrorists to be on set while filming,” he said.
Skogland and her cast last week told the media in Toronto that former IRA volunteers had helped onscreen authenticity by providing tips on how to make bombs and torture IRA informants.
McGartland also fingered the Canadian government [Hee hee!] for investing in a film that was made with the help, and apparent support, of a terrorist organization. [THR]

If you’re keeping score at home, that makes three feature stories about this movie, all covering basically the same non-controversy.  I’m annoyed they’re getting so much press.  Especially while my erotic yet tasteful epic, Fifty Dead Chicks Pissing, continues to be ignored by the corporate media.

^{WATCH THE TRAILER FOR ELEGY AFTER THE JUMP}

In case you hadn’t noticed, Special K’s in like every movie this year.  In Elegy he stars opposite Penélope Cruz as a guy who gets to bone Penélope Cruz.  She even takes her clothes off because she’s not a prude like that.

Cultural critic David Kepesh finds his life — which he indicates is a state of "emancipated manhood" [aka rocking out with your cock out -Ed.] — thrown into tragic disarray by Consuela Castillo, a well-mannered student who awakens a sense of sexual possessiveness in her teacher. (opens August 8th)

I don’t know what any of that meant, but I think she’s gonna have to work pretty hard if she wants to join his hip hop dance crew.  

^{WATCH THE TRAILER FOR THE WACKNESS AFTER THE JUMP} 

The Wackness stars newcomer Josh Peck, Olivia Thirlby (the hot chick from Juno… oh crap, the FBI! *jumps out window*), Special K, and GODDAMMIT WHO PUT AN OLSEN TWIN IN THIS MOVIE?

The theatrical run starts July 3rd in limited release – it premiered at Sundance in January to pretty good buzz, and all the hipsters are saying it’s the must-see movie of the year.  That means I’ll probably like it but pretend I don’t.