Two years ago, Sony pulled the plug on a Brad Pitt-starring, Steven Soderbergh adaptation of Michael Lewis’ statisticky baseball book, Moneyball, just a few days before it was to begin shooting. Soderbergh had planned to shoot it in an “informal, documentary” style, which kind of makes sense, seeing as how the book is non-fiction.  But studios tend to be terrified of anything unconventional, so they brought in Capote director Bennett Miller and got a rewrite of the script from Aaron Sorkin, who’s brilliant at writing slick Hollywood stuff that’s just entertaining enough that you forgive it for not being very realistic (“How do I know you weren’t studying? Because you go to B.U.!“).  So that’s why now, instead of people talking about statistics like in the book, we see some old guy asking Brad Pitt “Who’s Fabio?” to illustrate how out of touch old baseball scouts are.  Oh well.  At least Sandra Bullock’s not teaching inner city blacks to play football.

"Pie?! There's no pieing in baseball!"

[hat tip: WithLeather]

It's gonna be a long season.

Think of the blandest, most generic movie idea you can imagine, and then immediately forget it because it’s so bland and generic, and then have it re-written by a team of lawyers, and you basically have Salt.  This was a movie so bland and generic they wrote it for Tom Cruise.  Then when he dropped out, they made it anyway with Angelina Jolie.  Who apparently saw Tom’s prep work and assumed part of the character was running like a spaz.  Remember that movie?  Of course you don’t.  Well now Sony has decided it needs a sequel.  Get ready for Salt 2: The Spazzening.

Kurt Wimmer has begun writing it for Angelina Jolie to reprise her role as Evelyn Salt, the CIA agent who spent the first movie running for her life after being outed as a Russian spy. The studio smartly left open a window for a possible sequel at the climax of the original, which was directed by Phillip Noyce.
Jolie wants to do to do the Salt sequel if it comes together right. I’m told that Wimmer has officially signed on and is working away. The original grossed around $300 million worldwide for Sony Pictures. [Deadline]

I can’t imagine anyone wanting to see this as a movie, but as something to help people fall asleep on planes it could make a mint.

The bidding war for Pan, the Peter Pan origin story with Channing Tatum attached to star, has finally ended, with Sony paying in the $1 million range, according to sources.  It’s actually a bargain considering the cost to train, feed, and board the team of coked-up manatees it must’ve taken to dream up such a ridiculous concept.  “The 30-year-old guy from Step Up 2 Tha Streets starring in an origin story about an androgynous boy who doesn’t age?  Why that’s a splendid idea, Manatees!  More cocaine!”

And yes, I assume Flavor Flav is still the lead candidate to play the crocodile.

Sony is in negotiations to pick up Pan, the Peter Pan project that has Channing Tatum attached to star, Billy Ray writing and Joe Roth producing.

The package, which seeks to tell the origin of the flying immortal, went out last Tuesday, generating strong interest. Bidding came down to three suitors and sources said the deal was in the $1 million range.

Tatum, his producing partner Reid Carolin and Eric Bromberg came up with the idea and brought it to Ray, Roth and Roth Films’ Palak Patel. The five of them further developed the idea into the pitch, which envisioned Pan and Captain Hook as brothers. [THR]

I assume that by brothers he meant black guys.

See?  I tried to tell you guys one pieces were back.  As you may have already deduced, this is the first picture of Scarfield (Andrew Garfield) in his superhero unitard for Marc Webb’s 3D reboot of Spider-Man (via Aintitcool).  The suit’s shinier than I remember, with a narrower red strip down the center that seems to say, “Hey, check out my crotch bulge!”

I hope he’s free-balling it in there.  No respects a superhero with visible pantie line.

(Here’s the old suit, for comparison):

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Sony announced today that Frank Coraci (The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy, Click) has been hired to direct the Kevin James MMA movie (“Mixed Martial Farts?” “Paul Blart: Mall Cro Cop?”).  I guess it could be worse, they could’ve gotten the guy from I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.  Anyway, I doubt either of these “directors” does more than set up lights and head down to craft services while Sandler shoots the movie.

Deadline revealed the film when it first took shape last fall, with James playing a physics teacher who moonlights as a mixed martial arts fighter to raise money and save the music program his students love. He makes it all the way to the UFC. Sony was eager to be back in business with James after Paul Blart: Mall Cop turned into a sleeper hit, and Coraci’s The Zookeeper tested so high that Sony slotted the film for released on July 8, 2011.

So basically, Sony took a script by Allan Loeb, the worst screenwriter in Hollywood, based on an MMA-saves-the-rec-center idea I came up with in five seconds while making fun of Never Back Down three years ago, and THEY CAN’T GET IT INTO THEATERS FAST ENOUGH! MORE COCAINE!  I imagine this will do for the UFC what Hulk Hogan’s Santa With Muscles did for the WWE.

If Kevin James doesn’t win at least one of his fights by farts and/or groin shots, everything I know about the world is wrong.  “Winner by tap out due to… farts?”