Andrew Garfield and Drama Llama: Separated at birth?

Sony just released a new batch of character images from Marc Webb’s The Amazing Spider-Man on their official website, and I think I speak for everyone when I say SWEET MOTHER OF PISS, GET A LOAD OF THAT KID’S NECK! Jesus, Scarfield’s got a neck like Manute Bol’s forearm. He must have to look at the sky and do Merton Hanks’ chicken neck dance every time he wants to swallow something, it’s no wonder he stays so thin. If Andrew Garfield and Mia Wasikowska ever got together, they could braid necks and feed each other acacia leaves. Which would be adorable, by the way. Someone call their publicists.

Meanwhile, it appears that Spider-Man is wearing track shoes or something:

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Poor Burnsy. I was having him cover for me today while I went to some screenings and took care of a few things. I already made him write about Happy Madison once today and it almost killed him, and that was just in reference to a possible Grown Ups sequel. Making him cover this was out of the question. In any case, yes, Adam Sandler has signed on to co-write and star in the movie adaptation of Candyland (which we first heard about three years ago). Yes, Candyland the board game. We have reached the suck singularity.

Columbia Pictures, Happy Madison and Hasbro, Inc. are in final talks to develop Candy Land, a live action movie based on the bestselling Hasbro board game with Adam Sandler attached to star. Kevin Lima (Enchanted) is attached to direct the project for the studio with Sandler and Robert Smigel are in talks to write the screenplay.

Candyland is basically ‘Sorry’ with candy painted on the board, and adding Sandler to that mix doesn’t do much to alter my conception of what a movie adaptation might look like. Basically, the game pieces all shout-talk in a weird baby voice now.

Created in 1949, Candy Land takes players on a magical journey through fantastical lands made of candy, sweets, and ice cream: the Peppermint Forest, the Gum Drop Mountains, and the Lollypop Woods. Along the way, players encounter such iconic characters as Princess Frostine, Lord Licorice, Mr. Mint, and King Candy.

Mmm, yes, iconic indeed. Iconic in the way that no one remembers them. Meanwhile, Robert Smigel you might recognize as the man behind SNL’s TV Funhouse and the voice of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. But he also co-wrote You Don’t Mess With the Zohan in addition to this. My working theory is that one of the Happy Madison guys kidnapped his children. Peter Dante, probably, he looks swarthy.

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Official synopses usually aren’t the most interesting thing in the world, but considering The Amazing Spider-Man, from director Marc Webb and Scarfield, basically tells the same origin story that the Raimi/Tobey Maguire movie did a few years ago, and still had the balls to tag the poster “THE UNTOLD STORY,” I thought it’d be interesting to see how they tried to spin the synopsis. The real reason Sony keeps making these is that if they don’t, the rights will revert back to Marvel, but I admit “BECAUSE WE HAD TO” doesn’t sound great in a press release. But it was basically the same situation with Fox and X-Men: First Class, and that worked out okay. It goes to show you never can tell.

One of the world’s most popular characters is back on the big screen as a new chapter in the Spider-Man legacy is revealed in “The Amazing Spider-Man.” Focusing on an untold story that tells a different side of the Peter Parker story, the new film stars Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Campbell Scott, Irrfan Khan, with Martin Sheen and Sally Field. The film is directed by Marc Webb from a screenplay written by James Vanderbilt, based on the Marvel Comic Book by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko. Laura Ziskin, Avi Arad, and Matt Tolmach are producing the film in association with Marvel Entertainment for Columbia Pictures, which will open in theaters everywhere in 3D on July 3, 2012.

“It’s an a different side of an already different story, and the main thing that strikes you about it is that it’s so drastically… different! I mean really, this is about as different as two stories that both end in a kid gaining radioactive spider superpowers could possibly be.”

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Having only grossed $55 million domestically so far (on a $90 million budget), David Fincher’s English-language Girl with the Dragon Tattoo has been perceived as something of a box office disappointment. But don’t box up your stun gun and dildo just yet, because Sony says Dragon Tattoo‘s sort-of soft box office won’t effect their plans for a sequel. YAY! Strawberry merkins for everyone!

“[Dragon Tattoo] continues to do strong business and nothing has changed with respect to development of the next book,” a Sony rep tells EW. In November, Sony Pictures co-chairman Amy Pascal told us that The Girl Who Played With Fire was definitely a go, with a targeted late-2013 release date. [EW]

Despite the crappy ending, I thought Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was pretty good, and I guarantee you it would’ve made a lot more money had they released it sometime between January and April when it would’ve had zero competition instead of throwing it in the late-December Oscar bait pile. In any case, I’m down for the next two. Ooh, you think there’ll be violence against women?

So far, there’s just one sticking point, and it’s kind of a big one. Fincher isn’t signed on yet.

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INTELLECTUALS BE BEEFIN, Y'ALL!

Okay, the full email exchange I’m about to post below is a little long, and probably a lot inside baseball, but it’s still an interesting glimpse into how movie studios market themselves during awards season. The exchange was between the New Yorker‘s David Denby and Girl with the Dragon Tattoo producer Scott Rudin. They’re both pictured above, and go ahead, try to guess which one is the New Yorker film critic and which the movie producer. Hmm, is the New Yorker guy the one with the intellectual glasses and affectatious scarf, or the fat, bald Jewish dude with a five o’clock shadow looking uncomfortable in a suit??? OH I BET YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GUESS! (Seriously though, these guys could be on flash cards that said “NYC Film Critic” and “Movie Producer”).

Anyway, their beef stems from Denby’s decision to break embargo on his Girl with the Dragon Tattoo review. Basically, when films screen for critics, we generally have to agree not to run our reviews before a certain date as a condition of attending. Denby got to attend an early screening (hosted by the NYFCC, the organization Armond White used to chair), and agreed to an embargo date of December 13th (FYI, I still haven’t gotten my screening invite, but my embargo date will most likely be a full week after that). Denby and the New Yorker decided to break the embargo and run the review early, and Sony and Scott Rudin are reportedly “pissed.” The Playlist was able to get a hold of the ensuing email exchange between Rudin and Denby, and what ensues is an online dork fight of the inhaleriest proportions.

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