"Yo Al Qaeda Predator, chiggity check yo self."

Just the other day, we brought you the news that Channing Tatum would be starring in a film from Independence Day/The Patriot-director Roland Emmerich. The film is called White House Down, for Sony, with a premise described as “Die Hard in the White House,” and a script from the writer of The Losers, The Rundown, and the upcoming Total Recall remake (these are all true things, I swear). Burnsy seems to have a source very close to this project, because he was able to share an exclusive excerpt of the script in his original post. I don’t know how Burnsy gets his hands on so much C-Tates-related material, and come to think of it, both he and C-Tates are about the same age, both from Florida, both C-walk like angels, and to my knowledge, have never been photographed or seen in the same room together. In any case, we’ll hopefully be able to continue posting excerpts and behind-the-scenes information from the film, starting with today’s exclusive selection from the official storyboard.

Enjoy:

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Sony just released a new trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man, the movie they supposedly hate. They kept calling this “the untold story,” which seemed like a ballsy movie considering this is essentially the same origin story from the Sam Raimi/Spider-Man. But there are a couple of changes, probably the biggest of which being that this time around, it’s not the spider bite itself that gives Peter Parker superpowers, but rather the bite simply activates something that was already in his genetic code – he’s kind of a designer superhero now, a la Wolverine. And now he has to figure out what happened to his parents and who he really is. Which is great, because I always wished Spider-Man could be more like Abduction. (*shoots fart noises from web slingers*)

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The Amazing Spider-Man opens July 3rd, with Sony promising it will tell “the untold story” of Spider Man, which will totally be different than the origin story they already told in Spider-Man and has nothing to do with Sony not wanting the rights to revert to Marvel, we swear you guys, like seriously. Sony also hired new writers for the sequel to rewrite a draft by current writer James Vanderbilt, which doesn’t seem like a huge vote of confidence before the first movie has even come out, but that’s neither here nor there. As for the current product, it seems Freaks and Geeks creator/Bridesmaids director Paul Feig got to contribute:

“I’m looking forward to The Amazing Spider-Man,” Feig told Vulture last night at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of Take This Waltz. In fact, Feig is such a good friend of that film’s director, Marc Webb, that he even did a little previously unrevealed punch-up work for it: “He’s a great guy, he invited me on set, and I did a little bit of writing for that movie, for one of the high school scenes, so I’m excited.” [Vulture]

Feig declined to reveal further the nature of the scene in question, but my sources tell me it features Peter Parker eating some bad Indian food and shitting up his Spider-Man suit. He really has a knack for those “embarrassing high school moments!”

Will Smith’s plan to turn his children into monsters is coming along swimmingly, thanks to the public’s failure to question anything they do and the widespread celebration of their terrible decisions. A t-shirt with a dollar sign on it? Brilliant! That’s the perfect piece of clothing for someone born rich and famous! You go, boy! It must’ve been so difficult for you to develop self-confidence like that and you should be celebrated for it hash tag “swag!”

Sony is the latest to indulge this sickness, with Variety reporting that Sony is negotiating with Will Smith’s production company to buy Jaden another movie. C’mooooon, dad! Buy me an action movie this time!

Sony Pictures and Overbrook Entertainment are in early talks to acquire pic rights to Allen Zadoff’s novel “Boy Nobody,” with plans to develop it as a starring vehicle for Jaden Smith.
Sources tell Variety that the studio beat out 20th Century Fox for the project and has begun negotiations, although they caution that no deal has yet closed. Overbrook found the property and brought it to Sony, where it has a first-look deal.
“Boy Nobody” is the first in a planned young adult trilogy about a brainwashed teenage assassin who starts to regain his emotions. Little, Brown will publish the novel next spring.
The book’s main character is reminiscent of a teenage Jason Bourne, with Zadoff describing the young protag as a “young soldier trained not to feel; who could function in every situation without fear, sympathy or anger; who could assassinate strangers and then walk away emotionally unscathed.” [Variety]

Well at least it sounds super original.

Picture credit: Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com

The idea to remake Total Recall first sodomized your childhood and orally copulated your memories back in 2010, and just when you thought those memories had been repressed, we learned that it would be set entirely on Earth and probably be rated PG-13. If you haven’t already thrown your computer at a chicken, you can watch the teaser for it below.

DOWNSIDE: Someone’s remaking Total Recall.

UPSIDE: ‘Splosions, Kate Beckinsale’s ass, Colin Farrell’s eyebrows.

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