Steefen Dorff believes in nussing, Lebowski.

I was never a fan of Lost in Translation.  It was okay.  It had moments.  But I hated everyone creaming their pants over it.  To me there’s a difference between “subtlety” and “look at me, I’m rich and white and I think actually choosing an angle on the material is fascist because I went to art school.” But it looked nice, and had at least two really good scenes.  ANYWAY, this is the trailer for Sofia Coppola’s latest, Somewhere.

Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff) is a bad-boy actor stumbling through a life of excess at the Chateau Marmont Hotel in Hollywood. With an unexpected visit from his 11-year-old daughter (Elle Fanning), Johnny is forced to look at the questions we must all confront.

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^{(Bella’s broken vampire fetus)}

Remember Breaking Dawn?  The last movie in the Twilight series with the snorkeling vampires and the CGI telepathic vampire adult-baby who eats its way out of the womb and gets macked on by a full-grown werewolf?  Yeah that one.  Summit is still trying to find a director for the movie. So naturally they asked THREE OSCAR WINNERS.

Sources tell EW that the studio has reached out to at least three top-notch directors, including Sofia Coppola (Lost in Translation), Gus Van Sant (Milk), and Bill Condon (Dreamgirls) to gauge their interest in what is likely to be two movies. (Van Sant’s reps confirmed that he’s been approached, but Coppola and Condon’s people didn’t return phone calls by press time. Summit declined to comment.) [EW]

Meanwhile, I have my own sources at Summit, who tell me, “I tried to hook up with three people but they were out of my league and now they won’t call me back MLIT.”  Then they shared a bowl of ice cream with their 30 cats.

Jackass‘ Chris Pontius aka Party Boy has signed on to co-star in Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere.

The “Jackass” trouper will play Sammy, best friend of the character played by Stephen Dorff, a decadent, bad-boy actor living at the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood who begins to re-examine his life after a surprise visit from his 11-year-old daughter (Elle Fanning). [THR]

Wait, Chris Pontius and Stephen Dorff? Phew, roll out the red carpet. The budget on this thing must be practically unlimited. It’s also ironic that Pontius and Sofia Coppola are working together, since many reviewers said they’d rather chug horse jizz than watch Marie Antoinette again.

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Oh my gosh, you guys, this is so awesome I almost spilled espresso on my scarf when I read it: Sofia Coppola is doing a movie about the Chateau Marmont! I can’t wait to tell everyone at the food co-op!

The writer-director who shot her “Lost in Translation” at the Park Hyatt in Tokyo, will set her next film at the iconic Chateau Marmont in Hollywood. Stephen Dorff and Elle Fanning [yes, Dakota’s sister] will star in the Focus Features dramedy “Somewhere,” which Coppola penned. Story centers on a bad-boy actor stumbling through a life of excess at the Chateau Marmont. With an unexpected visit from his 11-year-old daughter, he is forced to reexamine his life. The filmmaker, who said she has been looking to make “an intimate story set in contemporary Los Angeles,” received permission to shoot at the hotel, which has become notorious in recent years as a popular address for tabloid-friendly celebs. [Variety]

I already know how this will go down: a collection of dreamy party scenes that will seem funny at first, but with a creeping sense of decadence.  Then, just when we start to really hone in on the protagonist’s pathos, he’ll share a long, meaningful glance with his daughter and the movie will end.  It will deny you catharsis, but that was, like, the point.  She really wanted to challenge the audience, you know?  I loved how she totally, like, resisted the temptation to cheapen the emotions with “plot.”  It wasn’t all “slick” and “Hollywood.”  She really nailed the subtleness and the nuance.

[picture source = lookatthisf*ckinghipster.com - thanks, Burnsy]

Lost in Translation, Sofia Coppola’s barn burner about two Americans who are bored in Tokyo and maybe kind of sort of or maybe not fall in love or at least wonder what could’ve been even though he’s old enough to be her father, ends with Bill Murray whispering something into Sugartits Johanssen’s ear.

Now, through the magic of people with too much time on their hands, we know what it is!  Are you absolutely thrilled yet?

According to them: “I have to be leaving, but I won’t let that come between us, OK?”

BRILLIANT!  Seeing stuff that almost happens but doesn’t is exactly why I watch movies!  It’s like in Citizen Kane where Rosebud was almost a sled! Or in The Godfather where an Italian guy almost joined the mafia!  Sofia Coppola is a genius!