Knuckle is a documentary about bare-knuckle gypsy fights. For many of you, the people like myself, everything I write after this sentence will be unnecessary and at best, skimmed. I understand.  The short version is, I think I lost a tooth and grew a third ball.  Now for the actual review. Come for the gratuitous Snatch references, stay for the reasoned analysis.

Who knew Snatch was so historically accurate?  In fact, if anything, it undersold how much da Poikeys loike boxing each ovvas in makeshift rings wid a loose grasp of rules.  In Knuckle, documentary filmmaker Ian Palmer spent 12 years following members of The Travellers, a nomadic ethnic group in England and Ireland organized into prideful clans (all distant cousins, of course) who frequently challenge each other to clan-vs.-clan backyard brawls through taunting videos in impenetrable gaelic patois (helpfully subtitled), and bet big money on the outcomes.  Farbeit from me to dislike a film about fat gypsies knocking each others’ teeth out in parking lots, but it could’ve been better.

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(Vinnie Jones with his wi– HOLY GOD WHAT’S THAT IN THE BACKGROUND?!)

Vinnie Jones took time out of his busy schedule of beating up chubby Mexican dudes recently to announce his intention to open a Snatch-themed bar in Santa Monica with his pal and fellow athlete-turned-actor Jason Statham. From HolyMoly:

“Me and Jay have been talking about it for about a year. We were thinking The Snatch Bar or something like that down in Santa Monica. We’re going to do it, it’s just a question of us finding the time.”

Naturally, we turn now to FilmDrunk regular The Stath for comment.

Oy, cunts.  Stafe ‘eah, donnit.  So da ovva day, Jonesy wiz ringin’ me fockin’ oiPhone off da ‘ook, now wasn’ ‘e?  Da trouble is, dem cunts ‘asn’t made da oiPhone’s touch screens very strong, now ‘as dey?  So aftah da Stafe broke frough four or foive a da cunts, oy fought I moight just meet da cunt in person, innit.  So den Jonesy rocks up, an ‘e’s loike, “Oy, Stafe, wot you fink about a fockin’ Snatch bah?”, innit.

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The Guy Ritchie/Brad Pitt/Jason Statham classic Snatch comes out on Blu-Ray tomorrow, and in support of its release, they asked if I would sponsor a giveaway for wheel less caravan. Of course I told them, “WhattafuggIwantwiddacaravanat’sgotnofugginwheels?”

So instead I get to give away the Guy Ritchie Blu-ray three pack, which includes Snatch, Layer Cake, and Revolver.  I don’t really know what Layer Cake has to do with Guy Ritchie, but it is a kick-ass movie.  First person to send me a funny gypsy/pikey-related photo or photoshop gets it.

MONDAY 3:40 EST: Contest closed, Mighty Fek’lhr wins with the first entry.

UPDATE: I'd be remiss if I didn't make sure you'd seen his sweet dance moves. Probably not as sweet as this.

After a day filled with almost nothing but shitty directory updates, you'll be glad to know that Brad Pitt will be playing an Irish boxer in the upcoming Mickey Ward biopic The Fighter, replacing Matt Damon who was too busy.  Brad Pitt playing a boxer?  I have only one thing to say about that, and that's "Whydafuckahwannacaravanat'sgotnofuckinwhees?"

Pitt is in negotiations to play Dicky Eklund, Mickey’s half-brother and a talented fighter who once went the distance with Sugar Ray Leonard in a title fight but then turned to crime and landed in prison. He turned his life around and helped his underperforming brother find the spark for a remarkable run that led to the world title.

So wait, Brad Pitt's not playing the lead?  He's playing mentor to… Mark Wahlberg?  I'm not a Wahlberg hater, but this is Tyler Frickin' Durden we're talking here – he ain't no sidekick.   

See, me and Brad are a lot alike.  We both bang hot chicks, father babies all over the world, and we both don't play second fiddle to nobody.  Just ask Suzie McCormack, that little showboatin' bitch from 3rd grade string band, you just ask her what happens to people who think they're better'n me.  Yeah, watch your back, Wahlberg, you pussy.  

The picture will be directed Darren Aronofsky (since he directed a CGI-free sci-fi flick, I'll save you the rant about how much I hate Requiem for a Dream.)  [Via Variety]