There will probably be a slew of new movie posters coming out at Comic Con, what with Twilight: Breaking Dawn and robot ball punchers Real Steel reportedly decorating the facilities with endless reminders of their impending doom releases. Hell, even Boo Boo Stewart and a few other second tier Twilight cast members surprised their fans with breakfast this morning. After all, you need all the energy you can get to shriek and cry over 8 seconds of exclusive footage.

But the big poster of the week is The Avengers, above, which showcases stars Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, Chris Hemsworth, and Scarlett Johannson in no detail whatsoever. It’s just a big A. But it also says, “Assemble” because that’s what the Avengers do. Whatever, you know a few thousand comic fans in San Diego flooded their drawers when they first saw this, so we can get a little more excited, too.

After the jump, the Smurfs take on China, Rise of the Planet of the Apes goes banner style on us, Servitude introduces its cast, and holy hell there are a lot of characters in The Three Musketeers.

UPDATE: I just added the newest Amazing Spiderman and Haywire posters. I know, I’m a hero.

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It’s been a big week in movie posters, as you may have guessed by the fact that this post is going up a day later than it usually does.  I WAS DROWNING! DROWNING IN POSTERS! FOR I AM BUT ONE MAN!  But as I say about my period, better late than never.  Anyway, times a-wastin’, let’s get to it.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  Yes, I already covered this one, but seeing as how that post involved exposed nipples and drew like 30 thousand views in a few hours, I see no reason not to repost the higher-resolution version, solely for artistic reasons, of course.  Once again, this one shows ROONEY MARA’S TOPLESS BOOB NIPPLES UPSKIRT CORGI RACING.  (*counts ad money*).  Here’s the full-sized version of that banner picture. I honestly couldn’t tell if it counted as NSFW.  What a disappointing pair of titties.  Also, I haven’t read the books, so to me, “Evil with evil shall be expelled” sounds like some sort of renaissance ejaculation limerick. In any case, I’m all for more posters with bare boobs in them, even if you have to shoehorn some British creep in there for the ladies.  Hey, dick, how about you smile?  You’ve practically got boobs in your hand.

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THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: Happy Memorial Day to all, I hope you’re out in the sunlight doing things that well-adjusted people do on holidays.  In case you’re not, here’s the rundown of this week’s movie posters to project some dim light on the wall of your cave.  Hey, do you ever think your boss sucks?  Maybe one day you should just burn that place to the ground.  Hypothetically speaking.

Real Steel.  Shawn Levy’s much-anticipated, in-a-movie-about-robot-boxing-at-its-core-it’s-an-incredibly-human-story film Real Steel has a new poster.  Yes, Hugh Jackman is in this, but who cares?  The important thing is that the robot boxers have two-fingered Ewok hands. Market research tells us we’ll sell more toys this way.

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We’ve known for some time that The Smurfs would be getting the Alvin and the Chipmunks treatment (BIG F*CKING GLASSY EYES! DANCING TO POPULAR MUSIC!).  We’ve also seen Hank Azaria in costume as Gargamel.  But today for the first time, we see an official picture of the smurfs.  Oh I know, I was as smurfed as you are.  Smurf me up a super-lame lead, USA Today.

The Smurfs are three apples tall, according to creator Peyo.  Of course, that doesn’t mean much in the Big Apple.

(*riding by on biplane*)  OOOOOOHHHHH SNNNNAAAaaaaaaaappppp…..

Of course, the original Smurfs was about Gargamel wanting to eat them, and implied cannibalism was quickly deemed too edgy for the generation of twinks we’ve raised on Zac Efron and The Disney Channel.  Changes had to be made.  Script, cast out thy consequences.

Eating the Smurfs was always Gargamel’s unfulfilled goal, but that’s one idea the filmmakers decided to scrap. “We all wondered whether we would be making a family version of Sweeney Todd,” jokes producer Jordan Kerner (Charlotte’s Web). Now, Gargamel simply wants to capture the Smurfs to serve as charms, whose mystical essence will make his inept magic more powerful — and dangerous.

A bad guy trying to eat you?  I don’t get it.  That’s stupid.  A bad guy trying to collect you like Pokemon cards?  Great, makes total sense now.  They also report that there’s also a new character, “Gutsy”, who they describe as “brave to a fault.”  I’m sure he’ll be right at home with the other new smurfs, “Bloggy” and “Participation Ribbon.”  WAIT!  DID SOMEONE SAY MAGIC??

This movie needs more Nic Cage.  There should be a smurf named Nic Cage.  He teaches the other smurfs magic with his ridiculous hair.

The website PVC Blue is dedicated to all things smurf, especially PVC smurfs, which apparently isn’t some esoteric smurf offshoot, but rather just what it sounds like: smurf dolls made out of PVC, like the pipes.  Oh, internet, you teach me something useless every day.  Anyway, the PVC Blue folks appear to have dug up the first image of a CGI smurf from the upcoming Smurfs 3D, which PVC Blue calls “Smurfy news!”

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