If you’re anything like me, you’re stuck in your crappy apartment with kleenex boxes on your feet this weekend while everyone else hobnobs with film snobs at the festivals in Utah.  Luckily, there’s nothing like the internet for simulating actual human interaction.  Over on iTunes, you can download ten short films playing at Sundance for free.  Meanwhile, a site called Indieroad allows you to stream films from the Slamdance Film Festival at the same time they screen at the festival, and even be a part of the voting.  I’ve never heard of any of the small films playing there, but there is a short entitled Horsefingers 3: The Starf-cker.  I wonder how many sequels they’ll get through before they realize horses don’t have fingers.  Though I suppose you can finger them.  But then, shouldn’t it be The Horsefingerer?  Where was Quality Control on this? Anyway, when it comes to simulating the Utah experience, this sure beats pretending to be ashamed after you masturbate.

This is the trailer for Spooner, which is playing at this year’s Slamdance Film Festival, which is run by a bunch of shrivs who’ll kick you out if, God forbid, you actually start slamdancing.  Fascists.  Anyway, I know what you’re thinking: is the dude’s name Spooner or is he just a guy who likes spooning?  Answer? Both, fudgedick!   Matthew Lillard plays a spooning-loving loser named Spooner who meets a girl who’s a unique free spirit (guess the dark secret! Cancer? A kid? Dying parents?) and they decide to be unique free spirits together.  Because everyone knows the indie film equation. 1 unique free spirit = pathetic loser.  2 unique free spirits = Americana!