While may have been reading this site for so long that you ceased to notice, like an old lady with her perfume or a family that lives across from the water-treatment plant, but the fact is, our site banner and graphics were pretty janky, and had been for a long time (“janky” is a highly technical word I like to include in all declarations of scientific fact). Our new site design is set to go live tonight (or it already has, depending on what time you’re reading this), and it updates our top site banner in such a way that, how shall I put this… in such a way that it doesn’t look like a blurry piece of crap. The new design:

• Adds a helpful Uproxx navigation bar across the top and links to FilmDrunk features (we’re still working on additional tags that will go there — we should have dedicated  links to Comments of the Week and Latest Comments either there or in the sidebar soon)
• Instead of the old log-in bar across the top above the site banner, now it’s on the right below the search bar. And either way, you can always click “comments” and log in to comment where it says “you must be logged in to post a comment.”
• Wider pictures – yay, 50 more pixels of Sad Keanus, Sandwich Gyllenhaals, and all manner of related corgis!
• No green background. I’m still getting used to all the white.

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I don’t know why I put a Motörhead song here.  I guess I hoped the hardcoreness of it might distract you from a post about me going to a fruity, farty, foo-foo film festival*.

So, without turning this into my own personal travel blog, I wanted to give a quick update on how things are going to work around here for the next week.  I’ll be in Sundance for the the next seven or eight days, rubbing shoulders, elbows, and possibly wiener tips with rich, famous movie stars pretentious hipsters. What that means for you is that Burnsy and Danger Guerrero will be picking up some of the normal news-posting duties. I’m a fan of their work, and I’ve unbound their hands and unzipped the mouth holes on their leather masks long enough for them to bring the funny, as long as they promise not to embarrass me by doing it too well (if anyone figures out how easy this is, I might not be able to afford these silk monogrammed wank rags).

Meanwhile and concurrently, I’ll be writing reviews, posting pictures, interviews, etc., and bringing you the latest from out here.  Actually, I have no idea what I’m going to get.  Der Sundance Ministry of Propaganda denied my press badge request for the second year in a row, so I’m doing this guerilla style.  Gayrilla style.  Whatever.  I thought about getting all offended and self-righteous blogboy about it for a while, but then I realized I’ve never let trying to look like a “serious professional” stand in the way of a good queef joke or cat photoshop, and quickly fast-fowarded to the final stage of grief, fat acceptance.  I made this bed, and now I have to sleep in it, even if the sheets smell like farts.  Oh dangit, now Burnsy and DG are making out. I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE UNZIPPED THE MOUTH HOLES.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy getting the heads’ up on movies that might not be out for a year, pictures with funny captions, insightful observations, and maybe even interviews with people you’ve never heard of.  And if you’re here in Park City and you recognize me**, hit me up, I’ll give you a shirt. That’s what my dad used to do when the other kids wouldn’t play with me.  Mom got them free from the Hooters where she worked.

Totally original picture

^{*also the name of my indie band, etc.
**I wasn’t even off the shuttle yet when the first person asked me if I knew I looked Luke Walton. I can imagine that getting annoying if I lived in LA.}

Pictured: A family and their home-made Twilight Halloween costumes. Not pictured: A father figure.

Okay, guys, don’t freak out, but I have some business to attend to tomorrow, so I must leave you in the small-and-feminine, yet-surprisingly-capable hands of my hetero life partners Burnsy and Chodin.  They’ll be watching you for the morning, and I told them your routine, so don’t try any of that Vince-always-feeds-us-candy-canes-and-espresso-for-breakfast business with them.  You’ll eat your toothpaste sandwiches or you’ll starve, just like always.  But don’t freak out, I promise I’ll be back late afternoon.  Think of this as just like the time your dad went out for a pack of cigarettes.  Wait, bad example.

[banner pic via Lamebook.  In other sad Twilight picture news, Jirish sent me this:]

I sincerely hope that's Stephenie Meyer.

Greetings, folks.  Just like I always warned, I won’t be around to clean up your messes tomorrow.  I’m currently en route to Las Vegas, where I’ll be volunteering at the abandoned puppy shelter.  These poor pups need all the help my rugged, chiseled kegel muscles can provide, so you’ll have to rely on the smooth vocal stylings of my understudies and shirtless Indian wrestling partners Burnsy and Chodin tomorrow.  They’ve promised me they’ll both act like responsible adults and I’ve left enough money for pizza on the kitchen table so you don’t starve.  I’m coming back Monday, and I better find all my sex toys exactly the way I left them.  In fact, before I left, I licked them all just to keep you from using them.  Now it would just be gross.

Greetings, Drunkards.  I’ve only got a few minutes here in the Cincinnati Airport (beautiful, by the way), but I wanted to let you know that I’ll be in Park City for the Sundance Film Festival by nightfall.  I don’t have press credentials* because I’m too much of a rebel (to even wear pants) so I don’t even really know what the hell I’ll be doing there or if your daily FilmDrunk experience will even change all that much, but I just thought I’d let you guys know.  Frankly, the hookers just seemed bored by it.  Anyway, expect a few reviews, and maybe a picture or two, but I’ll try to keep my boring travelogues and hobo wrestling stories to a minimum.  (Note: I only wrestle girl hobos.)

Also: follow Filmdrunk on Twitter if you want more up-to-the-minute travel photos, thoughts on date rape and, like… pictures of… signs and stuff.  Shut up, just do it.

*If you got the hookup on that or you just want to send some naked pictures of yourself, be encouraged to email.