Here’s the trailer for Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, adapted from the the Paul Torday novel by Slumdog/127 Hours screenwriter Simon Beaufoy and directed by Chocolat/Cider House Rules director Lasse Halstrom, starring Ewan McGregor and Emily Blunt. On the surface, it’s a film about a Yemeni entrepreneur with a crazy idea to attract tourism, but AT ITS CORE™, it’s a story about having the courage to swim against the current (GET IT? LIKE SALMON.)

Is it just me, or does every film these days sound like a human interest story on local TV? SALMON FISHING in the YEMEN! HORSE survives WAR! MAN buys ZOO! INJURED DOLPHIN inspires SOLDIERS! I’m telling you, whoever figures out how to adapt Squirrel on Waterskis is going to be balls deep in cash money. (*shoos dog away from dead owner’s grave, goes back to hugging lion*)

127 Hours isn’t a great movie and it isn’t a terrible movie.  More than anything else, it leaves me with one question for director Danny Boyle: was the point of this to tell us a story, or to have us marvel at your storytelling ability?  Because I suspect it was the latter.  Those motives can be related, but they’re distinct.  It’s seeking to entertain vs. seeking approval.  For a comedian, it’s the difference between a bit that gets laughs and a bit that gets applause.  127 Hours is not a bad movie, but it’s most definitely an applause movie.

Boyle making a film like 127 Hours is a lot like that time Dave Chappelle did comedy for seven hours straight.  Is it incredible that Dave Chappelle could do stand up for seven straight hours?  Yes.  Could a lesser comedian pull off something like that?  Probably not.  But does that make a seven-hour comedy show a good idea? Fuuuuuu*k no.  There are actually multiple reasons people don’t do seven-hour comedy shows, and the biggest one is that no one wants to watch comedy for seven hours straight. We’ll stick with the 90-minute show, thanks. There comes a point at which you’re not choosing a project because the project is good, but because of how good that project will make you look if you pull it off.  It’s pure d*ck measuring, and that’s what 127 Hours is.

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From the writer of Slumdog Millionaire comes Leap Year.  Amy Adams wants to marry her long-term boyfriend, Adam Scott, only he’s kind of a fruity gaywad, so she goes to Ireland.  But on the way there (*RECORD SCRATCH*) hijinks and cultural misunderstandings ensue.  Then, while she’s chasing what she thought she always wanted (*CAR SCREECHING TO A HALT*) she finds love in an unexpected place (i.e., in a really handsome guy who just showed up all of a sudden, and they didn’t like each other at first, but then they kept being forced together, almost as if it was fate…).  But just when she thinks she’s found happiness with her new guy, the free spirit who changed her whole perspective on sh-t (*DOUBLE RECORD SCRATCH*), her boyfriend shows up and pops the question.  Boy, I hope all this happens in the first five minutes before a pterodactyl attack, because otherwise, they just told you the entire movie.

(“I know what you’re thinking, ladies, and the answer is yes.”)

Director Danny Boyle is reuniting with Slumdog Millionaire writer (say it looked pretty if you want, but that movie was horribly written) Simon Beaufoy and producer Christian Colson for 127 Hours, a movie about mountain climber Aron Ralston.

Ralston’s right forearm got pinned for nearly five days under a boulder during a climb in Utah in May 2003. He used a dull knife to amputate the limb, then scaled a 65-foot sheer wall and hiked out before running into a family that gave him water and food. He was finally rescued by helicopter. [Variety]

That reminds me of the time I had a big pimple on my back that I was scared to pop, so I made my girlfriend do it and then cried until she made me a martini with a vicodin crushed into it.   I guess what I’m trying to say is that unless this guy turns blue and fights the helicopter with a pterodactyl, who really cares.

Some geniuses in Mumbai have gathered to protest Slumdog Millionaire - because of its shameful depiction of people who live in slums. Depictions of them as dogs, you see.  (Not a peep about being called millionaires.)

“I am poor, but don’t call me slumdog,” said Rekha Dhamji, 18, one of about two dozen slum residents who protested outside the home of one of the movie’s actors, Anil Kapoor. “I don’t want to be referred to as a dog,” she said.

Little known fact: Slumdog Millionaire‘s working title was actually Rekha Dhamji is a Dog.

“The film is going to be a terrific inspiration to kids around India. It’s a feel-good film, a film of hope,” said Kapoor, who grew up in a Mumbai slum [haha, he grew up ka-POOR]. He dismissed claims that the word “slumdog” was offensive. “Children from the slums are actually called much worse names.”  Screenwriter Simon Beaufoy said people should not read too much into the word. “I just made up the word. I liked the idea. I didn’t mean to offend anyone,” he said.

Other protesters held up banners reading “Poverty For Sale,” [?] and “I am not a dog.” One of them carried a puppy [which seems confusing...]. Nicholas Almeida, a social activist who organized the protest, said he planned to file a lawsuit on Friday to get the name changed. [Yahoo]

Way to go Nick. While other lazy f-cks were off giving vaccinations and handing out clean water, you courageously crusaded on behalf of the downtrodden (or said you planned to, anyway).  In any case, time to get a job, slummies.  These soccer balls ain’t gonna sew themselves.  Chop chop, time is rupees.