You’re looking for camel toe when you should be admiring the sweet PT Cruiser with New Jersey vanity plates.

Today’s Tuesday and you know what that means: new DVDs! For this week’s top pick we’ve got the Oscar-winning Silver Linings Playbook, but there’s plenty of other options if you’ve already seen that film.  We’ve got a movie with Mark Wahlberg and Russell Crowe, a movie starring Seth Rogen and Barbara Streisand, and even a film starring Tobey Maguire and Ray Liotta.  We’ve got DVDs about everything from raccoons to little red wagons, and even one about some old guy who once shook the hand of some other guy!

The DVDs:
Silver Linings Playbook
Broken City
The Guilt Trip
Not Fade Away
The Details
The Man Who Shook The Hand Of Vicente Fernandez
Parked
Little Red Wagon
Young And Wild
The Wicked
Manborg
Agent Beetle

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

In researching one of these films, I discovered a new way to masturbate.  If you want to know more, you’ll have to continue reading.  If you don’t  want to know more about my masturbatory revelation (and I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t) click the link above to jump straight to the Netflix Instant suggestions -but I can’t guarantee that I won’t discuss masturbation on that page as well.  In fact, I probably will. Read the rest of this entry »

According to Reuters, clothes worn by Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook fetched almost $12,000 at auction, including $3,175 for the teal sports bra you see above. That might seem kind of pervy and weird, but keep in mind, she won an Oscar for that performance so this is part of history. It’s the same reason I bought Hal Holbrook’s jockstrap from Into the Wild. (He likes to stay supported, to keep those old balls from saggin’).

The wool, full-length winter coat worn by Lawrence in the Oscar-nominated comedy topped all items, selling for $4,652 in the three-day online auction, Los Angeles auction house Nate D. Sanders said on Friday.
The memorabilia dealer had expected the items to fetch between $500 and $1,500 each following the 22-year-old’s Best Actress win at the Academy Awards on Sunday.
The custom-tailored white pants Lawrence wore during the film’s climactic ballroom dance scene with co-star Bradley Cooper went for $3,493, and a package of a teal sports bra and blue long-sleeved shirt sold for $3,175.
A black tank top from Lawrence’s wardrobe, but not worn in the film, fetched $624.
Brad Cooper’s pants went for just $262.

Wait, you’re telling me the sweaty sports bra that Jennifer Lawrence mashed her boobs into was worth less than some dumb coat? Jeez, what kind of sickos were bidding on these? It’s like they know nothing about buying women’s used clothes on the internet. PRO TIP: If you want the panties to hold their re-sale value, you can’t suck on them. It’s like keeping comic books inside the original plastic.

You might think the money for this stuff would go to charity, but if that’s the case, the report doesn’t mention it. Silver Linings was from The Weinstein Company, so maybe Harvey Weinstein needed a new blood chalice.

Last night at the SAG Awards, which of course stands for Sensual Armenian Goalposts (full list of SAG Award winners and nominees below), Jennifer Lawrence took home the best actress award for her role in Silver Linings Playbook. During her acceptance speech, she first thanked MTV, which seems weird, because you’d think if MTV was running the SAG awards, the winner would be Braden Boogerface from Twilight and the statue would be a surfboard. Lawrence explained:

“I wanna thank MTV. I’ll explain. I earned my SAG card – when I was 14 I did an MTV promo for My Super Sweet 16. And I remember getting it in the mail and I remember it being the best day of my entire life because it officially made me a professional actor, which put me in the category with all of you. And now I have this naked statue, that means that some of you even voted for me.”

So you’re saying next time I camp out outside your house naked, I should paint myself silver like a statue? Duly noted, Jennifer Lawrence, duly noted. Whatever makes you comfortable. Anyway, since Jennifer Lawrence basically told the internet to google her MTV promo, the internet quickly googled her MTV promo, which is above. The amazing thing is that Jennifer Lawrence at 14 looks pretty much exactly the same as she does now (she’s 22). At 14, I looked someone dyed a Ronald McDonald wig blonde and put it on some braces. Luckily I’m 76 now and have outgrown my awkward phase.

Aaaaand here’s a gif of Jennifer Lawrence on the red carpet:

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The Oscar nominations are out, and you probably want to see them. You’re in luck, because here they are. (Will be updated with commentary shortly). Lincoln leads with 12 nominations. A Spielberg movie about a beloved dead guy? Who could’ve seen that coming? Life of Pi is second with 11.

Best Picture:

“Beasts of the Southern Wild”

“Silver Linings Playbook”

“Zero Dark Thirty”

“Lincoln”

“Les Miserables”

“Life of Pi”

“Amour”

“Django Unchained”

“Argo”

Best Supporting Actor:

Christoph Waltz, “Django Unchained”

Philip Seymour Hoffman, “The Master”

Robert De Niro, “Silver Linings Playbook”

Alan Arkin, “Argo”

Tommy Lee Jones, “Lincoln”

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If the Matthew McConaughey hype train makes it all the way to Oscar town, let it be said that we were there to tearfully bid it bon voyage as it left the station. Today it made an important refueling stop on its journey, in Independent Spirit Awardville (it’s a terrible town name, no one’s arguing that), where McConaughey was nominated both as a supporting actor or his FilmDrunk-approved role in Magic Mike, AND as best lead actor in Killer Joe. I don’t know how he celebrated, but ten bucks says it was shirtless.

Here’s the full list of Nominees:

Best Feature
“Beasts of the Southern Wild”
“Bernie”
“Keep the Lights On”
“Moonrise Kingdom” (our review)
“Silver Linings Playbook” (our review)

Best Director
Benh Zeitlin, “Beasts of the Southern Wild”
Ira Sachs, “Keep the Lights On”
Julia Loktev, “The Loneliest Planet”
Wes Anderson, “Moonrise Kingdom”
David O. Russell, “Silver Linings Playbook”

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