Good news, folks, I’ve got two new Avatar clips to share.  In this one, Zoe Saldana’s character teaches Sam Worthington (Jake Sully) the proper way to break your pterodactyl thingie so you can ride it around while you chuck spears at space helicopters.  Do it wrong and they’ll just poop on the carpet and chew up all your feather necklaces, and no one wants that.  I like to imagine that when they were shooting this scene, at first Zoe Saldana just did her lines in her regular voice.

JAMES CAMERON: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the f-ck are you doing?

ZOE SALDANA: “Huh?  What?  Did I flub a line?”

JAMES CAMERON: “No, I mean you’re playing a space alien from a planet light years away, and yet you’re talking like a Valley girl down at the mall.  What are you, a f-cking retard?  Everyone knows aliens don’t sound like that.”

ZOE SALDANA: “My bad.  Should I try it in a dracula voice?”

JAMES CAMERON: “Duh.”

The other new clip is over at MSN, and in that one Giovanni Ribisi tells Sigourney Weaver about unobtanium.  “Unobtanium?”  “That’s right.  It’s the most expensive substance in the galaxy, because the only way to mine it is with a doohickey.”

I always found Tim Allen to be that sort of boring, not-really-funny comedian who doesn’t even have the decency to suck enough to inspire true hate like Larry the Cable Guy, but who’s just popular enough to hang around the periphery of pop culture for GD ever. I hated Home Improvement when I was still young enough to love Steven Seagal movies unironically, which shows you how much that show sucked.  And that’s why it was with fear and trepidation in my heart that I watched the trailer for Allen’s directorial debut, Crazy on the Outside. He went to prison and everyone thinks he’s been in France, you see.

Yet again, even in the realm of sucking, Tim Allen is nothing but a disappointment.  With nary a record scratch, a nutshot, or an embarrassing meeting with an Asian businessman to be found, the sad truth is that this looks about 75% better than most Tim Allen movies.  Of course, anything that didn’t involve him rapping, switching bodies with an animal, or turning into a mythical creature would’ve accomplished that.  Thus, it’s not even fun to ridicule. Tim Allen’s suck is so powerful, he’s not even sucky enough to make making fun of him fun.  At least he’s consistent.  Because when you think mild dissatisfaction, think Tim Allen, the Miller Lite of movies.

The newest Avatar trailer hit theaters last night and now I have a copy of it because I’m a powerful sorcerer.  It’s not the first trailer, obviously, but it gives you a much greater sense of what the plot of the movie will be — the short version is: something something something, PTERODACTYLS VS. HELICOPTERS!  Slightly less short version: Sam Worthington and the other soldiers have to go to Pandora and kill all the dirty savages there so the government can have their diamonds.  Then, maybe in a hundred years or so, the Na’avi will be allowed to drink a lot and own casinos.  C’est la vie.

Also, I kinda wish the general’s speech at the beginning was more like, “Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Pandora.  With the help of our guns, we will make Pandora show her box to us.  Then we will pound Pandora’s box.  We will pound her box mercilessly until she agrees to give up the sweet, sweet diamonds inside.” I say a version of that to all my dates while the music from Patton plays.

[video via JoBlo, pictures via Movieweb - more pictures available there]

After the jump is the just-released trailer for James Cameron’s Avatar (courtesy of TrailerAddict).  The HD trailer was supposed to be available at Apple at 9 AM CST but, surprise, it didn’t work (link may be working now).  This Frenchy MSN site has an HD trailer that works if the one below doesn’t suit you, your majesty. I’m still wondering just how badly mishandled the marketing for this movie is going to be.  Remember how Fox dropped the ball on Avatar Day?  Well it gets worse:

Fox called a do-over and sent out random emails today (some as early as 3am) scuttling the Monday confirmations and asking moviegoers to pick again. So, is the site fixed? Haha, no.  The actual physical act of selecting a time went smoothly enough, and there even seemed to be additional showtimes added, but I was amused to find that a simple selection and click-thru produced a random, broken debug menu on the top part of Fox’s confirmation page. Guys, even the fake Avatar trailer had better production values than this whole endeavor. [movieline]

Oh, Fox, I love to hate you so.  I’m going to rape you with kindness.

Read the rest of this entry »

Below are 6 new pictures from Avatar (via ropeofsilicon).  The excitement is palpable.  Two guys with douchey haircuts fighting over who gets to use the tanning booth first!  Giovanni Ribisi and Sigourney Weaver with their hands on their hips (meow)!  Sam Worthington staring blankly!  Michelle Rodriquez staring blankly while thinking about boobs (allegedly)!

Read the rest of this entry »