For all those people who doubted me when I said Sienna Miller’s sunglasses were photoshopped on in the international G.I. Joe Poster, here’s the new poster as evidence.  Amazing how they were able to change the glasses and still get her to stand in that same exact position, isn’t it?  And don’t act like we all haven’t already seen Sienna Miller’s boobs.  They ain’t that big. (not that I wouldn’t still touch them if she wandered too close)

In related news, Variety debunks the rumor that director Stephen Sommers was fired halfway through shooting.  That doesn’t mean the movie won’t still be really crappy, because it will.  I love how the first defense of any of these turds is, “It wasn’t a bad movie, it was just meant for kids!”  Which sounds great until you look at the poster for the same film and it has Carmen Electra deepthroating a cucumber.

[high-res version available at SuperHeroHype]

The French trailer for Stephen Sommers’ G.I. Joe has hit the web, and it’s pure adrenaline.  And did you know?  Adrenaline is made up of two parts CGI with three parts expository dialog. Hiring the Van Helsing director was a great idea. Here’s an actual transcript I made of the trailer:

“I want the warheads ready to launch in one hour.  When I’m finished, this world will never forget.”

“The French are pretty upset.”
“Of course they’re upset!”

“We have never faced a threat like this.  A team is being assembled.  They are the best operatives in the world.  When all else fails… we don’t.”
“I want in.”

“Standing in front of you, are Delta 6 Accelerator Suits.”
“What’s it accelerate?”
“YOU.”

“This is General Hawk.  Mission is a go.”
“Here they come.”
“GO! GO! GO!”
“We’re running out of time!  Eject!”
“This is only just begun.” [sic]

This. Is. Going. To be. Awesome. They clearly ripped a page out of the George Lucas Star-Wars-Episode-I manual of dialogue writing.  It makes things really exciting, because even if you have to look for something under your seat during the movie, you’ll still know what’s going on because the characters shout about whatever they’re doing at any given time.I’m typing as fast as I can! Look out, everyone! (*explosion*)

_{Sienna Miller sucks at hide and seek}

One of the cool things about Sienna Miller is that she occasionally takes time out of her schedule of being a giant whore to act in movies.  After the jump, you can see her in the trailer for Mysteries of Pittsburgh, the movie she was making when she referred to the city as “Sh-ttsburgh.”  She later apologized, saying Pittsburgh was actually super cool, and not nearly as bad as Sh-tcinnati or Sh-tcago.  Or pretty much the entire state of Sh-tconsin.  Oh yeah, so the movie is an adaptation of a Michael Chabon book or something.  He also wrote Wonder Boys. That was a good book. Yiddish Policemen’s Union sucked though.  Hey look, a pigeon.
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It sort of sucks for any actress who replaces Sienna Miller opposite Russell Crowe in Nottingham, since so far the official line on why she got fired is “too thin and pretty”.  Then again, skanks try to use that as an explanation for everything, even if they got kicked off a reality show for taking a dump in the hot tub.  “What, you saw it, those fat bitches were jealous of me.”  Anyway, today in one of their Pulitzer-caliber exposés, The Telegraph reports that Miller’s replacement MAY be Cate Blanchett.

Cate Blanchett looks more and more of a certainty for the role of Maid Marian in Sir Ridley Scott’s forthcoming film Nottingham after Sienna Miller was apparently deemed too slim and youthful for the part. “I think Cate Blanchett is set to take the Maid Marian part,” says Mark Strong, who has already been signed up to play Sir Guy of Gisbourne. “She is a wonderful actress and it would make it a much classier film if she was in it.”

Mmm, classy.  It’s true, Cate Blanchett does have that effect on movies.  She’s not like that other braindead prostitute, no offense to anyone in particular.  Basically, Cate Blanchett is to films what faux wood paneling and Corinthian leather toilet seats are to my apartment.  Call me, ladies.

This new set of G.I. Joe posters features Duke, Ripcord, Baronness, Scarlett, and Snake Eyes, played by Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Sienna Miller, Ray Park, and Rachel Nichols, respectively.  Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Why are they dressed like they’re going Xtreme Motorcrossing?”  To that I say: it’s a G.I. Joe movie from the guy who did Van Helsing.  I’d be surprised if there wasn’t Xtreme Motorcross.

[via AICN]