Like every other urban white person on the planet, I’ve been watching a lot of Homeland this season, and since Homeland is on Showtime, it’s hard to miss promos for Oliver Stone’s upcoming 10-part series, The Untold History of the United States (above, just in case you haven’t seen it). I want to puke every time I see it, because even if it did tell an actual untold history of the United States, no one would take it seriously because it has Oliver Stone’s name above the title. What real historian wants his theories presented by Oliver Stone? You associate it with Oliver Stone, you might as well call the show “Preaching to the Choir.” Anyway, Michael C. Moynihan from the Daily Beast decided to fact-check the show, or rather, the book by American University professor Peter Kuznick on which the show is based (which provides its sheen of legitimacy). And if you read the headline of this post you can already guess how that went.

The Bush and Obama years provided ample fodder for the revisionist, those interested in explaining the long arc of American imperialism or, in the case of cranks like Glenn Beck, the ever-present threat of Marxist subversion. The latest example of swivel-eyed, ideological history, this time from the left, is a collaboration between American University professor Peter Kuznick and filmmaker Oliver Stone, whose new book The Untold History of the United States, and attendant 10-part companion documentary series on Showtime, is a marvel of historical illiteracy.

—

Did you know that the Marshall Plan to rebuild Europe after World War II too was an anti-Soviet provocation, which “exacerbated Soviet fears of both a rearmed Germany and capitalist encirclement”? But the Soviets surely blockaded Berlin, right? No, they “attempted nothing of the sort.” In fact, the 1961 Berlin crisis was also precipitated by the United States, but “the Berlin Wall defused the immediate danger” of war. North Korea invaded the South with Moscow’s blessing, but “believing that a South Korean attack on the North was coming, Stalin decided to act first.” Why did the Soviet Union invade Afghanistan in 1979? Jimmy Carter’s national security adviser Zbigniew Brzezinski, an “obsessed anti-communist” who, the authors note darkly, was a member of the Bilderberg Group and Trilateral Commission, “set the trap for the Russians in Afghanistan.”

Ooh, the Bilderberg Group? My crazy sense is tingling. (*puts on tinfoil hat*) Tell me more.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ron Howard and the writer of The Motorcycle Diaries are teaming up to create a show for Showtime about the Aztec civilization, and I think it goes without saying that this is amazing news, because the only way you could make a blood, guts, and tit-filled period piece on premium cable better is by adding HUMAN SACRIFICE! (*cranks up Slayer, harmonic guitar squeal, kicks cat out window*)

Showtime has put in development Conquest, a sweeping period drama that has been a passion project of Imagine principal Ron Howard. Oscar-winner Howard is attached to direct Conquest, which will be written by Oscar-nominated scribe Jose Rivera (The Motorcycle Diaries). Conquest, from Imagine TV and 20th Century Fox TV’s cable division Fox21, tells the story of famed Spanish Conquistador Hernán Cortes, who led the Spanish conquest in Mexico, and his clash with Moctezuma II, the last ruler of the Aztec Empire, which fell at the hands of Cortes and his men.

Filled with blood, lust, gold, magic and mythology, Conquest is described as “a classic war story about two powerful men and their people ultimately leading to the destruction of the Aztec culture and the men themselves.” [Deadline]

OH HELL YES. This sound aweso– wait, did you say “magic?” Why did you say magic? God dammit. Someone needs to put their foot down and tell these Hollywood producers NO MAGIC. Can’t we just enjoy a little historical drama anymore? I already had Jerry Bruckheimer turn cannon-fighting pirates into a story about dancing skeletons and a talking monkey, the last thing we need is Ron Howard turning Aztecs into a story about buried treasure and the fountain of youth. If I wanted magical thinking, I’d watch the History channel in the hours between the ten shows about people buying junk for a living.

Almost all of my favorite documentaries are in some way or another about odd subcultures (American Movie, King of Kong, Anvil, Exit Through the Gift Shop, Spellbound), and what’s an odder subculture than magicians?  Make Believe (via FilmSchoolRejects) is a documentary about teen magicians.  It’s all the awkwardness of being a teenager combined with the awkwardness of magicians, which is enough awkwardness to spawn a thousand Birdemic remakes.  Make Believe was executive produced by King of Kong director Seth Gordon and directed by Kong assistant editor (a much bigger job on a doc than it is on a narrative feature) J. Clay Tweel.  Yes, J. Clay Tweel. I can’t say whether that was his birth name or if he changed it to sound more magiciany. Needless to say, this looks fantastic.

“The World Magic Seminar is… If you’re a teen, and you’re doing magic, you can’t miss it.”

“I don’t have too much friends, my friend is magic.”

“Kristin could be… the greatest lady magician that ever lived.”

THE GREATEST LADY MAGICIAN THAT EVER LIVED! That’s a bold statement, but then look at her levitate those metal rings. Anyway,Make Believe played the LA and Austin film festivals last year, and you can check it out now on Showtime or VOD, or when it opens in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles next month. The only kid I’m worried about is the one doing magic in Africa.  BE CAREFUL, DUDE. One day you’re pulling playing cards from behind peoples’ ears, the next they’re accusing you of shrinking the chief’s penis.  Unless you want people showing up at your hut with baskets of severed albino hands demanding you cure their wife’s infertility, you might want to move.  Magic is all political over there. So I hear. Of course, I get all my information about Africa from my racist uncle.

I wonder if this is how the Hip Hop Magician got his start.