Baby don't hurt us.

While I sit here waiting for someone to finally give me the ultimate mashup of movie characters making fart noises, I suppose I can settle for today’s best effort of some of Hollywood’s hunkiest A-list male actors saying, “I love you.” There are also some people in this that have no business having ever been cast as a romantic lead *pauses screen, gives middle finger to Josh Radnor* but this post is all about what you ladies want today (or until the next post).

So why don’t you draw yourself a nice, hot bubble bath, pop a bottle of bubbly, strap on a blindfold, lay back and pretend like Matt Damon, George Clooney, Tom Cruise, Colin Firth, Ben Affleck, Shia LeBeouf, Brad Pitt, Zac Efron, Leo DiCaprio, Robert Pattinson, that guy from Scrubs and Paul Rudd are saying those awesome three little words to you. Also, while you’re blondfolded, I’m going to steal your TV.

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Megan Fox, who has that combination of fantastic tits and a pulse that I just love in a woman, recently discussed her "role" in Transformers 2 to MTV.

“As big as the first movie was, this is 10 times as big, 10 times as many set pieces, explosions, and acrobatic stunts.  …Shia and I make out a little bit; I don’t know if anyone wants to see that.”

You’re right, honey, our love for you is such that it pains us to see you consort with other men.  But I’m sure we’d be willing to overlook our jealousy for, say, the chance to see you get plowed from behind, or perhaps have your face urinated on by a team of dwarves.  Hehe, but don’t let me put ideas into your head…

As for Michael Bay’s main directorial input to his lead actress, Megan had this to say: “His main note to me is just to look hot; so I try my best.”

Bay added, "Hey hold on, I’ve got some more directorial input.  Let me check… yep, it’s in my pants."

After the jump I’ve got the teaser trailer for Eagle Eye, which premiered last night before Indy.  The thrilling thrill-a-minute thriller stars Shia Lebeouf, Billy Bob Thornton, Michelle Monaghan, and Rosario Dawson, and comes from director DJ Caruso.

Caruso previously directed Disturbia, which I never saw, and Salton Sea, which was awesome.  It had Vincent D’Onofrio wearing a pig nose while reenacting the Kennedy assassination using pigeons and a bb gun.  That’s way more creative than I was as a kid.  Mostly I just rubbed my G.I. Joes together and made sounds like they were having sex.  I knew they were both boys, but I had no choice because it’s not like I had Barbies lying around.  What do I look like, some kind of fag?

^{WATCH THE TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP} 

The official version of the new trailer for Indiana Jones and the Stuff That Seemed Awesome in the 80s is out. 

Check it out after the jump, and be sure to listen closely around the 1:36 mark if you want a taste of what Rough LeBeouf’s accent’s going to sound like for probably the whole movie. “So wuzzee gonna do now?  Dis guy’s got a friggin’ rawket loncha?  Marone, loogada stugats on dis prick!  Heeeyoooeeeyyooeeeeyy. *grabs crotch* Heeeeyyyooyeeeyeeeeooooyyyeeeoooeeeyoooo.

Watch it in high definition here.

EW is reporting that Superbad star Jonah Hill is in negotiations to star opposite Rough LeBeouf in Transformers part Deouche.

EW cites a source saying Hill will be comic relief as LeBeouf’s college roommate.  Of course, this could all be part of Michael Bay’s alleged counter-intelligence effort. 

Reached for comment on the Hill story, Bay quipped, “Yes, it would appear we’re close to signing Jonah.  But then, sometimes there’s… more than meets the eye.”  At which point he giggled so hard a Cheerio shot out his nose. 

Honestly, Bay trying to confuse people about the plot of Transformers is like my grandma giving me false hints about where she’s hiding the Easter eggs this year.  We’re 33 now grandma, unless they’re in an omelette no one gives a shit.