A couple weeks ago when I posted that video of Shia Labeouf getting beat up outside a bar in Vancouver (where he’s in town to shoot The Company You Keep), it quickly became one of my more popular posts. Shia LaBeouf has never bothered me as an actor (aside from being in bad movies), and mostly seems like an okay dude. But in general, people really seem to like the idea of him getting punched. Anyway, there were a ton of people standing around outside the bar at the time, so it seemed inevitable that we’d eventually get some eye witness accounts. This account comes from a regular at the bar in question. Obviously I wasn’t there, so I can’t totally vouch for its veracity, but I didn’t get the feeling he was just making this crap up. Besides, Canadians aren’t allowed to lie, are they? Isn’t that in their constitution, right next to the right to bear gravy?

• The two dudes trying to console Shia in the video were other bar patrons, not Shia’s friends. He supposedly comes into that bar all the time alone and gets “loser wasted.”
• Shia and that fat shirtless guy had been brawling inside the bar, where Shia “held his own,” but he was wasted and after they both got kicked out, it led to the pummeling you see in the video.
• “The best part missing from the video is the dude yelling ‘Where’s Bumblebee now!’”

Okay, so that last bit is really the only reason I posted this. “Where’s Bumblebee now?” is up there with “Three points for Gryffindor!” when it comes to hilarious celebrity meathead burns. People can be so cruel.

I debated whether or not to post it at all, because I don’t want to get all gossip queen on you, but in the end I figured that my job is to share things that I read and find interesting with you (and make wiener jokes about them!). So I feel like if I took some big moral stand about not posting something that I read myself and chuckled about, I’d be putting my own faux-righteous, feel-good, token stand above the people I’m supposed to be serving (i.e.. the readers. And the money. Of course the money. This jewel-encrusted jack-off couch doesn’t pay for itself.).

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Poor Shia LaBeouf recently suffered the indignity of getting ground and pounded on the curb by a shirtless fat dude outside a bar called Cinema Public House in Vancouver. Worse, it appears to have been non-consensual. You can see the video below. There isn’t much back story, but according to TMZ, both Shia and the guy had been kicked out of the bar minutes early. The video picks up with Shia on his back getting flabby punches rained down on him, when some bystanders intervene. They tap the fat guy on his shoulder and he almost falls down, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he was completely butthoused. As Shia appears to be.

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So there’s this Harrison Ford quote that’s been going around the internet today where he calls Shia LaBeouf an idiot. And obviously people love that, because Harrison Ford is Han Solo and Shia LaBeouf is that kid from those crappy movies.  I hate to spoil that with pesky nuance, but here we are.  First, here’s the quote people keep sending me, in regards to LaBeouf criticizing Indy 4:

[Ford] told Details: “I think [LaBeouf] was a f*cking idiot. As an actor, I think it’s my obligation to support the film without making a complete ass of myself. Shia is ambitious, attentive, and talented – and he’s learning how to deal with a situation which is very unique and difficult.”

Sounds pretty juicy, at least the way NME writes it. Which was slightly different from the actual quote, according to the original souce:

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Transformers 3 opens at midnight tonight, meaning it’s time for media outlets to run all the stories they have on the castmembers.  Details Magazine hit the jackpot with a profile on Shia Lebwaff, who “admitted” hooking up with Megan Fox, and by admitted I mean ran around giving everyone high fours. But first, here’s the summary of the article Details sent me, which isn’t at all grandiose…

LaBeouf has thrown as many punches as he has parties, he has a rap sheet as long as his filmography, and when he’s not pissing off studio heads, he’s messing around with another guy’s girlfriend. But the 25-year-old Transformers star might also be the most honest man in Hollywood.  He lives by a code built on fierce integrity, recoils from material possessions, cherishes poetry and art, and despises all things phony.  More than meets the eye?  Damn right.

What a coincidence, I TOO cherish poetry and despise all things phony! GIVE! MY! INTEGRITY! A SEVEN! (*finger snaps*) Man. Our standards of “tough-guy movie star” have fallen a long way since Charles Bronson was chewing tobacco and losing his virginity at the age of five.

Asked if he hooked up with Megan Fox, LaBeouf nods affirmatively. “Look, you’re on the set for six months, with someone who’s rooting to be attracted to you, and you’re rooting to be attracted to them,” he explains. “I never understood the separation of work and life in that situation. But the time I spent with Megan was our own thing, and I think you can see the chemistry onscreen.” When I inquire about Fox’s status at the time with her longtime boyfriend, Brian Austin Green, LaBeouf replies, “I don’t know, man. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know . . .”—repeating the phrase exactly 12 times in various intonations, as if trying to get it just right. Finally, he says, “It was what it was.”

Repeating one phrase over and over again?  Hmm, doesn’t sound like the LaBeouf I know….

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Michael Bay playing his favorite game, "Got your nipple."

Shia Labeouf famously admitted that Indiana Jones 4 kind of sucked, and immediately took a truckload of sh*t for it, because famous actors aren’t allowed to acknowledge things that are blatantly obvious to anyone with eyes.  He’d clearly learned from his “mistake” when the LA Times asked him about the rift between Megan Fox and Michael Bay (which I assume occurred when she wouldn’t wash his Ferrari long or hard enough), which may or may not have led to her not being in Transformers 3.   Now then, let’s all just sit back and enjoy watching him squirm.

“Megan developed this Spice Girl strength, this woman-empowerment [stuff] that made her feel awkward about her involvement with Michael, who some people think is a very lascivious filmmaker, the way he films women,” LaBeouf said.

I love that his first point of reference for woman-empowerment is the Spice Girls.
LABWAFF: “She was very strong, very empowered — she reminded me of… hmm, who am I thinking of?”  INTERVIEWER: “…The Suffragettes?”
LABWAFF: “Who?  Oh! Charlie’s Angels.”

“Mike films women in a way that appeals to a 16-year-old sexuality. It’s summer. It’s Michael’s style. And I think [Fox] never got comfortable with it. This is a girl who was taken from complete obscurity and placed in a sex-driven role in front of the whole world and told she was the sexiest woman in America. And she had a hard time accepting it. When Mike would ask her to do specific things, there was no time for fluffy talk. We’re on the run. And the one thing Mike lacks is tact. There’s no time for [LaBeouf assumes a gentle voice] ‘I would like you to just arch your back 70 degrees.’”

“As a modern, empowered Baby Spice-Athena, all Megan really wanted was for a man to tell her how many degrees to arch her back.  But Mike, you know, he’s old-school, he’s not into that whole post-feminist discourse.”

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